Why do people start arguments?

LisaB85

As the title, I don't get why people need to start arguments for no reason I never seem to understand the reason behind it. I see it on here as well as in real life.

For example-

I like to watch the soaps in the week BUT it is not essential viewing as such; however night after night my mother will sit there making comments such as 'oh crapadale farm is on', 'do you want to watch constipation street', 'even the adverts are crap' which I'm sure if most of you were honest it would !!!! you off too especially as she is say doing puzzles not watching TV anyway.

Now I try to bite my tongue and ignore it but tonight I just got up and said I was going upstairs at which point I got a barrage of abuse about me 'Sitting watching crap' which I could take it if I demanded to watch it but I don't nor does she make any effort to watch what she wants and switches the soaps on (she has the remote) according to her I'd be nasty and throw a paddy if she tried??? huh? infact she has NEVER mentioned wanting to watch something else.

Although knows whats going on in the soaps as will read about it in magazines.

Now I am aware she holds some sort of grudge against me or is taking out her problems on me but why do people start arguments? surely arguments over something stupid makes problems harder?

She has just booked a holiday etc yet still can't seem to help but moan or start arguments.

Do people thrive on arguing?
What is the best way to avoid it when people are intent on it? I personally prefer to discuss like an adult and maybe reach compromises or walk away.

Emmzi

I humorously (honest!) threaten mine with taking her down the bingo cos everyone has to be quiet here (she would rather die than do something so common, apparently. I go without her!)

System

My youngest daughter and my youngest son to a certain extent are both guilty of being argumentative when they are tired.

Hubby is like it cause he knows it all.

McKneff

So she is sitting there watching all this crap with you then..................

Rise above it, just smile, buy a telly for your bedroom and a set of headphones and lock the door, it will drive her mad cos she wont know what your doing.

LisaB85

I think ignoring her comments winds her up more and makes her more determined, but try to have an adult convo with her and she will ignore me and concentrate on her puzzle book so I tend not to bother.

Lol McKneff she will then send texts asking stuff, hence why my phone is mostly on silent I have my laptop so can catch up anyway but half the time I'm half watching so she knows I'd not care.

Seems whatever action I take encourages it. Maybe some people are happiest when moaning?

She is always !!!!!ing about people from family members, to shop keepers to people on TV. Nothing good to say about anyone for example the young couple who won £40million 'They will end up wasting it'

Maybe I'm nieve as I tend to think good of most people.

LisaB85

Emmzi wrote: »

I humorously (honest!) threaten mine with taking her down the bingo cos everyone has to be quiet here (she would rather die than do something so common, apparently. I go without her!)

I like bingo

DVardysShadow

LisaB85 wrote: »

Why do people start arguments?

I don't think people do actually start arguments, although you may be the exception, with your bold question. Perhaps you should examine your own thoughts and tell us the answer?

McKneff

I like Vodka !!!!

Gigglepig

LisaB85 wrote: »

Now I try to bite my tongue and ignore it but tonight I just got up and said I was going upstairs at which point I got a barrage of abuse about me 'Sitting watching crap' which I could take it if I demanded to watch it but I don't nor does she make any effort to watch what she wants and switches the soaps on (she has the remote) according to her I'd be nasty and throw a paddy if she tried??? huh? infact she has NEVER mentioned wanting to watch something else.

Perhaps the comments about 'watching crap' is her (not so) subtle way of telling you that she wants to watch something else together

If she seems resentful and you have no idea why, what about asking her if she is happy, what aspects of your behaviour/ personality bother her, or if there are other things that bother her. I reckon some times people start arguments about trivial things when they are unhappy in themselves and in their lives... On the other hand, maybe she's just a grumpy sort.

If you are living with your mother, perhaps it is time to move out...

LisaB85

Gigglepig wrote: »

Perhaps the comments about 'watching crap' is her (not so) subtle way of telling you that she wants to watch something else together

If she seems resentful and you have no idea why, what about asking her if she is happy, what aspects of your behaviour/ personality bother her, or if there are other things that bother her. I reckon some times people start arguments about trivial things when they are unhappy in themselves and in their lives... On the other hand, maybe she's just a grumpy sort.

If you are living with your mother, perhaps it is time to move out...

I don't play games, if someone wants to watch or do something different they need to ask me like an adult instead of dropping petty hints or just turn the TV over considering she has the controls all the time despite her warped views that I'm some kind of monster if people want to do something different, drink somewhere else, watch something else I'm reasonable lol.

It isn't just me she starts arguments with, she starts with my stepdad too. The only person to escape is my little sister.

She may well be unhappy but she isn't one to talk about things and she has pushed me away for years so it doesn't happen. She is depressed but thought medication sorted out the mood swings etc?

It is like she just has nothing good to say about anything or anyone.

LisaB85

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I don't think people do actually start arguments, although you may be the exception, with your bold question. Perhaps you should examine your own thoughts and tell us the answer?

Perfect example of people trying to start arguments