Go Hard or Go Home...donner_kebab's time to sort this out Diary!

donner_kebab

Well here's to a fresh new diary and some serious motivation in making an attempt at becoming DF!

Bit of background...I am 32 and a Single Mum to an awesome beast, Emily who is 15. I work full time whilst she is at School and she has aspirations of going to College and Uni in the future so need to sort this mess out sooner rather than later to help her with all that!

We live in Bristol with the biggest cat on planet Earth called Buzzby. He is my baby (even though he is the size of a small dog) and I absolutely adore him!

I have been in debt for as long as I can remember and have never known what it is like to actually be free on dect and actually have some money, money that I can call my own so that I can start to have a better life with Emily and more treats for Buzzby!

My debt started to accrue back in 1999 when I met a very nasty peice of work when I was at College and was feeling very low. 7 years later after countless run-ins with the Police, I finally grew a pair and had the locks changed to try and start a fresh and keep him as far away from myself and Emily as possible. During the 7 years, he was out of work for a lot of it and I was funding his upkeep whilst studying at Uni and working part time too. We had many joint accounts / cards etc that he then went Bankrupt and the Banks started to chase me for the money.

Unfortunately several year have gone by now 6 or so, I have only managed to pay off about £5k or so and have an awful lot more to pay. To say I have been stupid is an understatement...I then got involved with a guy I worked with for 5 years in which again, I was taken for a fool...no way near as bad as before, more a case of me funding him all the time and in the end he told me he never really had any feelings for me and went off with someone else! I still have to see him everyday at work which is hell so one onf my many goals is to get a new job as it is still affecting me months after the event.

So basically last few years I have been getting loans to pay off cards, then spending little amounts on cards which then magically transform into mega amounts and I am back to square one! The last few days I have had what I consider to be my mega mega LBM whereas before it was only a flicker methinks.

I am sick to the back teeth of having no money and only have myself to blame. I have been sitting through soooo many episodes of Spendaholics and have realised where I am going wrong and why. I had a very tough childhood and think this stems to me having this desire to be 'like everyone else' and have nice things, which I know realise is a load of old tosh! I can't have it because I can't afford it...end of!

I also know where I am wasting my money...not in town or shopping malls etc but in places like Asda, Tescos and Sainsburys as am lethel down the clothing aisles and constantly buying stuff that doesn't even fit and is going cheap. Lots of little purchases add up but I don't think I had ever realised before. Food wise I spend a fortune on stuff and for Emily's mates when they stay over etc but this also stops now.

I am now down to my last pair of jeans (which are very nearly broke as are worn away around the thighs as have put on so much weight I have to constantly wear bagging jumpers to cover up the ever growing wearing away patches in the jeans!), my faithfull trackies (which I have recently got cleaning bleach on and they are stained) and a skirt for work which I have to wear every day. I am refusing to buy any more clothes as need to loose weight asap.

I have a loan of about £7k left with Abbey and have a couple of cards...totalling about £11k or so I reckon. Not good especially as one of them was clear about 8 months ago when the ex left me and I just went spending crazy...and now am paying the price. A large majority of this debt is on a 0% for the next year or so so that is something.

I have just been on the phone to Student Loans as have never known how much I have been paying towards my old student loan from when I graduated in 2004! I stupidly changed my address and then never changed it when I moved yet again...I thought I owed about £3k but have found out now it os over £9k!!!

Time to go hard or go home, things are gonna get very very tough but I have sooooo had enough, no more as not fair on Emily and I want us to have a better life. My rent is due to go up £30 or so a month as from April along with all other bills but my wages will stay the same at just over £30k a year.

This is gonna be tough...very, very tough but hopefully this diary will keep me going...xxx

donner_kebab

One of my expenses each month that I should have mentioned is Kickboxing, Mixed Martial Arts and Boxing all of which I do with my daughter several nights a week to keep us busy. I hope to fight one day and have a go before I am well and truly past it and this has been a passion of mine for about 2 and a half years. I have decided that even though I absolutely love this, I am gonna need to cut back so we will have to miss out on our MMA class now and this will save £10 per week. I also try to go to a Boot Camp which is run by one of the Kickboxers and I plan to break to him that after this block of 6 classes, I will have to cancel them as well until things are starting to look better. I have decided to take up running again and this is free so that will keep me busy when I should have been at Boot Camp. xxx

donner_kebab

I weighed myself on Monday and am the heaviest I have been in years! I have somehow managed to put on about 2 stones since the break up with my ex...sooooo not good. I have been trying to be good for the last few days as need this weight to come off not just to help with sports, but also to help allow me to actually fit into some clothes!!!

Very hard though as first thing I wanted to do when I saw my Student Loan Balance was to stuff my face Very much an emotional eater that's for sure. but know if I do, I will put on more weight and get even more depressed so need to break the cycle. xxx

donner_kebab

Have also decided to start trying to pay for things with cash as opposed to cards. I haven't logged into Internet Banking for blimin' ages as am scared stiff. I will do this soon and see what the deal is ready to be paid on Monday and try to do a proper budget.

I hope to start finding some very cheap but healthy meals for me and Emily to eat as know food budget is very bad. I may even start trying Aldi instead of Tesco and Asda...might save there?

My house is a hell hole and is falling to pieces. One day I would like to buy it and do it up as it has an awful lot of potential really...if I had the money! Feeling scared but positive and want to crack on and start getting rid of some of this debt...xxx

donner_kebab

Had a busy day today doing lots of 'thinking'! I had the day off so gave me time to think a lot! Back to the office tomorrow and plan to come home as rather than go training, get a few bits of clothing listed on ebay to try and make a couple of quid. I have a few fleecey tops I brought Emily ages ago that she never wore so will try my luck with those. Helps declutter a bit too.

I am determined that I will not be buying anything in the cafe at work or going to pop along to the supermarket in my lunch break as that is a recipe for disaster, so will take food in with me to work.

I am going to walk in to save on petrol and parking too. I hope to have a rethink of how much food I actually eat at lunch as think it is a little too much so could be saving money there as tend to buy a lot of fruit which goes to waste as I am not actually hungry! xxx

donner_kebab

Well walked to work today and also brought in my lunch so a NSD for me today. Notice that I don't actually need to eat loads, think it is more of a boredom thing so reckon when I do the food shop I will leave out the satsumas, strawberrys and grapes that I have been buying as quite often don't eat them all and they get wasted. Will stick with 2 bits of fruit a day and have veggies for tea so that I am still being healthy too.

xxx

Enchanted21

Hi there Donner :-)

Your diary sounds like you have really given this a whole lot of thought. I think the hardest part is the realisation that something needs to be done.

I love the 'Go hard or Go home' mentality ........ It leaves me with the sound of determination and perseverance!

Like you, I am new to all of this, just finding my feet in this new moneysaving world.

Looking forward to reading about your progress.

Take Care, Enchanted Xx

Enchanted21

Ha ha ...... Just realised you are not all that new to this......1490 posts and counting!

You can teach me a thing or two :-)

donner_kebab

Enchanted21 wrote: »

Ha ha ...... Just realised you are not all that new to this......1490 posts and counting!

You can teach me a thing or two :-)

:beer: Hello Enchanted21!

Hehehehe nah I have been around here for years, but the mess I am in means that you wouldn't know it! xxx

donner_kebab

Well sheeeeeeet the bed when I start getting motivated about my debt (even after the Council telling me they are upping my rent by over £30 per month) I then come home to a letter which states that my £40 odd per month Tax Credits is getting stopped from April as I earn just over the £26k per year and have only one child...can't believe it What next? All I want to do is pay off my debt but everything seems determined to stop me.

What with pretty much all bills going up in April and no rise in wages due, I am starting to think I am gonna be completely screwed I am gonna have to cut back on all training now to just one lesson per week with my DD as this class allows us to grade and get our Combat Kickboxing Belts and it is the one passion I have in my life.

What a mess...I feel like everything is crashing down around me xxx

clippy_girl

hi donner :wave:

well done on the nsd :T

re the food budget, pop over to the old style thread as there are lots of cheap and filling recipes as theres just the two of you, could you try some batch cooking like casseroles, chilli etc...

like you i like to snack but sometimes if im busy i dont get a chance to eat it all. i have found apples to be really good as they last a few weeks in the fridge so they are good to keep. you could also try getting some cereal bars etc... to keep in your drawer as they wont go off

i think if you can find some room you should def try to keep at one class as its nice you do something with your daughter and i always think if you cut it too tight you are more likely to fall off the wagon :cool: