“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

Caroline73_2

How are things this weekend?

mildred1978

Caroline73 wrote: »

How are things this weekend?

I would say "quiet" - OH is away, LO is napping - but I'm screaming my heart out at the rugby on the telly :rotfl:

C_Mababejive

Just read the front page on this one....

A couple of thoughts.

I have done the whole pack your bag in a hurry and work away for a few nights thing and believe me it isnt much fun. It isnt all beer and dinner with your mates. Its boring and repetitive and can be expensive. Worst is if you are on your own in some lonely heart executive hotel with only a book to keep you company at the dinner table.

Men dont like to feel that women are bossing them about and exercising control over them and indeed,women have no right to do so.

Equally,man has a duty to care for his partner and children.

Sometimes all that is required is better organization and use of time.

Men are often not good at this.

That which is managed improves..

mildred1978

C_Mababejive wrote: »

I have done the whole pack your bag in a hurry and work away for a few nights thing and believe me it isnt much fun. It isnt all beer and dinner with your mates. Its boring and repetitive and can be expensive. Worst is if you are on your own in some lonely heart executive hotel with only a book to keep you company at the dinner table.

I know. I did it myself for more than 7 years.

meer53

I think your husband is picking up on your anger and doesn't know how to deal with it. If you don't make him sit down and listen to what you're saying there won't be a happy ending to this situation. I agree with all the other posters that you really need to prioritise what needs doing so that your weekends are free to spend time together. Surely you aren't out of the house every day with your LO ?

I've been in your situation (self employed husband who worked away, me working full time with a baby whilst also doing all the admin for the business) and am now a single mum working part time with no family support so i know what it's like to feel as though you're wading through treacle. In our house, i do everything, along with millions of other single parents. You have to be organised, set jobs on set days, routine may be boring but it works if you want to have some time for yourself.

Like other posters, i think you should spend some time with your OH letting him know exactly how you feel, but without the anger which comes across in your posts ! Try writing him a letter ? Pack it in his bag when he goes back to work next time.

Padstow

meer53 wrote: »

I think your husband is picking up on your anger and doesn't know how to deal with it. If you don't make him sit down and listen to what you're saying there won't be a happy ending to this situation. I agree with all the other posters that you really need to prioritise what needs doing so that your weekends are free to spend time together. Surely you aren't out of the house every day with your LO ?

I've been in your situation (self employed husband who worked away, me working full time with a baby whilst also doing all the admin for the business) and am now a single mum working part time with no family support so i know what it's like to feel as though you're wading through treacle. In our house, i do everything, along with millions of other single parents. You have to be organised, set jobs on set days, routine may be boring but it works if you want to have some time for yourself.

Like other posters, i think you should spend some time with your OH letting him know exactly how you feel, but without the anger which comes across in your posts ! Try writing him a letter ? Pack it in his bag when he goes back to work next time.

Why wouldn't a mother be out every day with her child? I never missed a single day taking my child out and that wasn't to a Starbucks either.
OP is not a single parent though she may as well be, except she wouldn't see the benefits other single mothers get.

Padstow

mildred1978 wrote: »

I would say "quiet" - OH is away, LO is napping - but I'm screaming my heart out at the rugby on the telly :rotfl:

Are you saying he worked away all week and has now gone away for the weekend? I'm shaking my head 'cause if that's so, he needs dumping.
If that is correct, you are already a single mother and could do so much better when free of him. PM me if you want. You need the strength that you used to have when you were a successful business woman. What happened to it?

Molly41

Padstow wrote: »

Are you saying he worked away all week and has now gone away for the weekend? I'm shaking my head 'cause if that's so, he needs dumping.
If that is correct, you are already a single mother and could do so much better when free of him. PM me if you want. You need the strength that you used to have when you were a successful business woman. What happened to it?

Answer: She had a baby! This man needs a serious shake-up, a wake-up call to all he is missing:eek::eek::eek:

Hagar_uk

It can be tough, on both sides, I was in a similar situation, OH was at home looking after baby, I had to work on the road, or at office 100 miles away, OH thought I had the easylife, was working silly hours lucky to ever have lunch or a cup of tea, come back on weekend knackered. But when I was back, I tried to make sure, not always the greatest at doing it, but tried to give her a bit of a rest from baby things, and we did things as a family and give her time to do things she wanted, which as it turns out was have affair. The resentmemnt can build up to the point of no return, if you are not careful.

From my point of view I now regret ever taking that flaming job, my son is now 19 months, and i no longer live with them, and miss my son like crazy, I still see him every weekend, but its not the same as being part of his life day in day out, and I regret what I put my ex through

mildred1978 wrote: »

! This is what my OH has just said to me as he stropped off with his laptop.

He works away most weeks, and I’m a SAHM to our little boy (20 months). So while he is away working, going for drinks and food with colleagues and getting full nights of sleep I’m at home doing everything else.

At weekends I’m generally catching up on washing and housework and allowing him and our LO some father-son time.

Yesterday we visited friends near where OH was working, thinking it would be nice to have dinner and drive home all together. OH finished work at 10pm (instead of 5pm) so I ended up driving the 160 miles home (got back at 12.30am and managed a motorway sandwich for dinner – nice). Son has a cold and nasty cough at the moment and was very disturbed in the night. He slept in with me and OH (with no thought whatsoever) slept in one of the spare rooms.

Son went down for a nap at 2.30. I’ve put in an online food order, switched 2 loads of washing and started tidying up. OH got his laptop out, and when I asked what he was doing (not in an accusatory way) he shouted “I get to do what I want to do on a weekend” as he stomped off upstairs. He’s promised a mate a website, which he has no time to build, so I’m guessing that’s what he’s prioritising today.

This morning he was talking about playing PS3 games online with his brother.

Next weekend he’s going away with friends and a brother or 2 for a lads weekend. So I’ll be doing everything for 12 days straight.

Am I right to be so upset/annoyed/frustrated? Is it all my responsibility to cook every meal, make sure clothes are washed and toys put away while he sits on his @rse watching TV (it’s barely on during the week) and doing favours for mates?


He was the one that was desperate to have a child. And now we have him it's like he wants something different.


He's going to love finding his dirty shirts and socks still in his suitcase on Monday morning

duchy

Padstow wrote: »

Why wouldn't a mother be out every day with her child? I never missed a single day taking my child out and that wasn't to a Starbucks either.
OP is not a single parent though she may as well be, except she wouldn't see the benefits other single mothers get.

What benefits would they be?
Having 100% responsibility for a child 24/7 no respite and no appreciation
Having a child in hospital and not having the other parent there to support you
Not having the luxury at weekends of nipping to the shops for something
you've forgotten by yourself (takes 10 mins solo half an hour plus with child)
Not having adult conversation in the evenings/weekends
Not having someone there to share the silly little things
Not having someone there when your child is ill in the middle of the night
Not having the resources to afford to go out every day -kids activities cost money in the main -yes you can go to the park, feed the ducks, watch trains etc but those are all weather dependant.
Not having an extra pair of hands when you're right in the middle of serving dinner /vital stage in a recipe/mopping a floor and your child needs immediate attention because they've got in pickle
and the number one reason -Having to put up with crass comments like yours from smug, silly women who have no experience of what it is really like to be a single parent nor the imagination to realize .Honestly some SAHMs give the rest a bad name !! There is a world of difference between being a mother with a partner who works away and a single parent. I've done both-but I'll bet you haven't or you'd know better Padstow !

Also your comment Padstow "He needs dumping" You are advocating the OP becomes a single parent ???????