overwhelmed new member

Coco114

Well have not done a lot of debt / budget / bills stuff this week , been too busy feeling sorry for myself and generally feeling hard done by anyhow, have finally made a big leap ( it probably won't mean a lot unless you know how bad the last 12 months before separation were) but anyway. It really is just me & kids now (which I am very happy about )
I can & will do this on my own & I will only have myself to thank for how well I will have done !!
A lot has happened this week ( I won't bore you all) that have made me realise how selfish my ex can be. Has now rented his spare room to friends so will now be difficult for him to have kids to stay. This more or less covers his rent bills etc so now has more £ but less chance to have quality time with kids on his own which , supposedly is all he wants ???!!!
So .... I am going to enjoy my kids , do what I can to payoff debts & save some cash for the 3 of us and get on with my life now.
Peoples priorities never seem to cease to amaze me !
Had the "free take away" as suggested but to be honest would rather have paid myself .... When someone sits & waits for you to say how grateful you are ???!! No thanks
Have had a few days of treading water so now it's back to it !!!
Am writing a list on here in the hope I will actually do it !

Sort the *loody paperwork cupboard !!!
Ready the above to call Debtline next week !
Bribe youngest to help me sort all cupboards / drawers
Open the "budget pots" bank accounts
File ALL paperwork in a lock file ( deters snooping )
Clean my house from top to bottom !
....
That's it for now , I am k***ered just looking at it !
Coco x

vasseur

Good work Coco. You're getting things in order. I find that tidy paperwork, not to mention a tidy house, really helps mentally.

It's not so bad being a single parent. In many ways I find I am better off only having to manage my money. In that sense I am accountable for everything. I also found it was quite expensive having a boyfriend so problem solved there! At least this way the credit (pardon the pun) is all yours. There are many plus points to being on your own which you are already starting to find out.

Good luck with your phonecall to Debtline next week.

Barbeduk

You go girl! I'd rather clean the loo than open post but I tell you, once it's done it's such a relief (the post I mean!!).

The spare room story is unbelievable. You are well rid of that guy.:eek:

Loved Masonn's posts, blimey, even I feel kicked up the butt by them :rotfl::rotfl:.

Have a fab weekend, don't feel you're missing out by not having 'treats', you're just going to get to where you want to be a heck of a lot quicker.:D

Coco114

I know I felt like I had been proper told off by Masonn but in a very positive way !!!! Ha ha probably what I needed
Ahh you are all such a great bunch - it's a massive help.
Was supposed to be going out tonight but it hasnt panned out. Had allowed £25, first night out in ages , so I treated myself to a bottle of wine - put £20 in my pot towards EF . So going to spend the evening reading diaries & get an early night - once you know who has gone tomorrow after visit I have a paper mountain to organise !
Shopping to do £60 budget , then I will make a start. I ain't looking forward to it but it has to be done - I have been putting it off for weeks Spare room story is pathetic , but typical but it's not my worry now , kids are happy so it's his loss missing out on previous time just the three of them .... I have done my best but, if that's what he wants.
Enough of that have a fab evening everyone & I will update you on the paper pile . I have folders & stickers ready to go - such a Virgo
Coco x

Coco114

Oops I meant precious time not previous time ...& no I haven't started on the wine yet !!

Mr_Toad

Coco114 wrote: »

I know I felt like I had been proper told off by Masonn but in a very positive way !!!! Ha ha probably what I needed
Ahh you are all such a great bunch - it's a massive help.
Was supposed to be going out tonight but it hasnt panned out. Had allowed £25, first night out in ages , so I treated myself to a bottle of wine - put £20 in my pot towards EF . So going to spend the evening reading diaries & get an early night - once you know who has gone tomorrow after visit I have a paper mountain to organise !
Shopping to do £60 budget , then I will make a start. I ain't looking forward to it but it has to be done - I have been putting it off for weeks Spare room story is pathetic , but typical but it's not my worry now , kids are happy so it's his loss missing out on previous time just the three of them .... I have done my best but, if that's what he wants.
Enough of that have a fab evening everyone & I will update you on the paper pile . I have folders & stickers ready to go - such a Virgo
Coco x

I didn't mean yo tell you off.

Before we separated I was living a life that wasn't mine, trying not to upset anyone and keep the peace. I'd lived like that for several years. It wasn't a bad life, plenty of spare money, we both have excellent well paid jobs and both children had left and gone to Uni.

We were living essentially separate lives and one day I realised that my wife was using our marriage to keep her boyfriend at arms length, she had everything just the way she wanted it and I had all the disadvantages of married life with non of the advantages.

Then I met someone who gave me a good talking to and she made me see what was really going on. She gave me the resolve to stop hanging on to something that didn't really exist for no better reason than apathy.

We separated and it was like a weight lifted from me. I became my own person again almost over night, it was like someone had pressed the happiness button. I've lived alone for five years now and couldn't be happier, I've had several fun relationships and now have a wonderful person in my life. My wife and me are better friends now too, in fact we've been out for a beer with her and her boyfriend tonight, along with a group of our friends. She's still a control freak and manipulative but it's not my problem any more.

When I left she was annoyed at first because it wasn't how she'd planned it but she got over it.

My posts were about not letting others control your life and how you feel, about not letting them make you feel guilty for everything you do and every decision you make.

I didn't mean to be combative or rude but sometimes taking the easy path can kill the person you are.

I managed to free myself and I'm sure you can do the same. I don't have your money problems but I wasn't living, I was existing and pretending life was fine.

Keep your resolve and keep your spirits up and you'll do fine.

Barbeduk

masonn wrote: »

I didn't mean to be combative or rude but sometimes taking the easy path can kill the person you are..

You didn't come across like that at all, I would say that you put your point over perfectly without being at all critical. I find it really interesting how men and women give advice in different ways and honestly, it's good to get both viewpoints to get the balance.

So glad you have someone lovely in your life.:)

Right, off to continue the decluttering challenge before the kids realise what I'm up to!

Coco114

Exactly , I think what I meant was that sometimes it needs a different perspective, a fresh pair of eyes. Masonn your posts were really helpful. Thank you
It's just sometimes (because I have come so far) I forget the control issues still surface at times and I really don't like it. But, I totally agree with you saying to keep calm, that's the only way to handle him as I know he is waiting for a reaction , which I won't give.
Right well I am off as it's visit day I can't tell you how much it drains me. So today , i am going to carry on with my normal day, do the shopping , go have coffee with my friend & do some housework - I am not going to get sucked into hours of polite conversation because, last week I realised, it's a very clever way of gleaning everything he wants to know about my life/who I am talking to/where I am going etc.
And if I am not here he can't do it- he is here to spend time with the kids not me anyway, so he should be talking to them not me !
Also, I need to mentally prepare myself for climbing "mount paperwork"

Have a great Saturday
Coco x

Housework*Fairy

Hi Coco

Just wanted to let you know I have read this from start to finish and subscribed. Keep on posting

I'd definitely use today as a day to "bottom" upstairs (i.e. do that tidying you never normally get to do) to keep out of the way x

Coco114

Thanks - that's what I was planning to do. Apologies, I know this is a money related site & I seem to do nothing but drone on about ex ..... But it helps keep me sane & not lose my rag
I used to love Saturday but these days I detest it - I live for Sundays now !!!
Will no doubt be on to complain again later , apologies in advance
Off to do some "upstairs work"
Coco x