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  • Mr_Toad
    Mr_Toad Posts: 2,462 Forumite
    Coco, this is incredibly difficult to write. I know you are low at the moment but that may help you accept things you might otherwise be unwilling to accept.

    I think still think you are doing a great job but I've just finished reading the thread on the mortgage board.

    You listed your outgoings and some other info. You also said the mess was due to years of living beyond your means.

    You're still living beyond your means. I think that your motives are to shield the children from the horrific truth and to try and keep things 'normal' for them but it can not go on.

    You're paying Sky £60, £47 for telephone and BB and £76 for mobile contracts!

    You can get rid of Sky today and still get the free to air channels via the dish.

    Your phone and mobiles will take longer due to contracts but you should speak to them and get onto the lowest tariff you can. Mobiles are a luxury not a necessity and to those who say they need them for emergencies I agree but not the latest smartphone. My mother has a £25 Nokia and a PAYG sim for emergencies.

    You're in danger of losing your home and to exaggerate, to make a point, you kids won't be watching Sky if you end up living in a tent under the bypass!

    Stop protecting your idiot ex. Give his details and address to all your creditors.

    We live in a society where you can have anything. All you have to do is let people dip into your account every month for a few pounds here and there, they're called Direct Debits. We're led to believe that all this stuff is not only good but a right and a necessity.

    As long as you have the means to cover the monthly DDs everything is peachy. As you and a lot of other have discovered things can go horribly wrong.

    You're ex has run away, you are a fighter. You need to stop trying to make everyone happy and fight. People will get hurt but it has to be done.

    Follow the advice you're getting on the mortgage board and on here but non of the debt charities the other people who offer help or the courts will take you seriously while you still have Sky & mobile contracts but I think you know that and are simply trying to hang on to 'normal' for as long as you can.

    Don't let it bury you and if it helps you can shout and call me names as long as it makes you stronger.
    One by one the penguins are slowly stealing my sanity.
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I agree with everything you have said - that's why I think I hit rock bottom yesterday , because I know what I have to do.

    Yes , I have been trying to hang on to the little bit of normal I have left - for sure. I am very angry that still my ex thinks this is all ok , still thinks it's ok for him to not be held responsible. It's not right.

    As I already said , there are more cutbacks to be made & I intend to do those this week. When I write to mortgage company this week I will be including the contact details for the ex. Not sure it will do any good but will give it a go.

    In the meantime maybe the repo / bankruptcy threat will be the wake up call he needs , maybe not - we will see.





    It's a frightening road I am going to walk - but I swear to go - I will be taking him down with me.

    Thanks as always

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • Clurbur85
    Clurbur85 Posts: 100 Forumite
    Hi Coco,

    I have just stumbled across this thread and I have been posts from the beginning (it has taken a while ;o) ).

    I just wanted to say that you sound like an amazing mum and I am sure your kids are very proud of you.

    Your ex doesn't deserve any more shielding. You have been more than reasonable. It's time for you to think of you and your kids now.

    I just wanted to say good luck. You can do this.

    I have found that this website / app has really helped me to start budgeting and monitoring my money accurately: https://www.eebacanhelp.com/login.php It might help you too, especially if you are giving the kids a fiver here and buying treats there.

    You will get there hun. You have the support of everybody here and you will come out the other side.

    Take care.
    xxx
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Right - sky tv foc for 3 months - after that, eldest is going to pay - I will happily put it in his name. He needs a job anyway as he wants to learn to drive.
    I have dropped my mobile to min package - and told kids that Dad will have to pay for their phones as I can't. He has just done this - it's a start.

    Main jt debt is covered by a CCJ - the other bits & pieces I will be writing to and giving his phone number to - I don't actually have his address but I am sure it won't be too difficult.

    But one question, I have done all the above (still need to sort land line/ int etc) to make scraping mortgage / loan money together achievable. But - as long as I can continue to do this - then I AM shielding him. No mort/sec loan company is going to give a c*** who pays as long as someone does ? And they have no reason to go after him at all while I am still paying ?

    That said - back to the Internet / phone issue .....

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Just been talking to a friend of a friend , turns out he is Estate Agent. Whilst he agreed that house needs a bit of work , because 2 sold quickly recently - he already has people wanting to move to this street.
    He also said that ours is the preferred and of the street with much bigger gardens ...... So - allowing a week for frantic cleaning I am putting it on the Market in the next 2 weeks & see what happens.
    Because roof needs some work he said we may have to take a hit on the price but , obviously , would still be better than a repo auction ? Also seemed confident we could get a quick sale if the price is right - at least I would then have some negotiating power with sec loan ?

    I am drained today both mentally & physically but feel a bit happier & possibly the first phase of this nightmare may be over in a couple of months :)

    Off to make more flap jacks now - I wish they didn't eat so much !

    Let's see what the week brings !

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • Thats great news Coco!!!:beer:
    DEBT FREE AND PROUD:D
    'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    :)
    There will be a monumental effort involved by ALL 4 of us - but , at least I can say I tried ?
    The biggest motivator now (apart from minimising the financial devastion) is that - I hate this house & the sooner it's done the better :j

    Maybe one day ...... I could even move onto unsecured debts :) maybe ......

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • Of course, it's never easy hun. At least by selling you're leaving the memories behind to start afresh :):T
    DEBT FREE AND PROUD:D
    'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Bless you - thanks :)

    There will be lots of things that could go wrong but at least I can hopefully minimise the shortfall.

    And I hope he and his shiny new car will be very happy :rotfl:

    Coco x
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
  • Coco114
    Coco114 Posts: 770 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    PS Masonn ..... Do you fancy being my "life coach" ......? :D
    The final chapter - £4893 to go out of £30K
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