April 2013 weddings

butterfly2001

congratulations scared1!

My OH wants it videoing but i really don't lol i hate pictures and any attention. We have come to the decision if any money is left we will buy a camera and set it up lol

Charley do what you feel fits how you are as a person, it helps if your venue is relaxed too and of course the seating types possible

daisiegg

scared1 wrote: »

hi,

my partner and i are planning our civil partnership in april! We have booked 8th april, 2013.

So excited. We have managed to save up for this and still plan a beautiful day which is our dream.

So excited to read this thread and share in everybodies happiness.

congratulations! :d

cats2012

daisiegg wrote: »

Not getting one! It will be bad enough seeing pictures of myself, let alone a video!

Hahaha this is exactly the same as me!!

jtr2803

I was really intending to come and update you all but it's going to end up being a rant because as usual I've spent my lunch working and only have five minutes to let it all out (sorry!).....

I am so upset/frustrated/angry/disappointed with OH at the moment and I just don't know what to do about it. Obviously you all know the history behind us getting married and the whole non-proposal etc. Well for months I have been carefully organising everything and working out where we financially (hence us booking Egypt as an additional treat) but just as I have to pay off honeymoon and start paying balances we realise my OH has nowhere near the money in his bank that we thought! I asked him before xmas and he had X which was fine, assumed with another few months pay it would go up a bit more but actually, it's gone backwards.

So, I've had to spend hours working through our finances to ensure that we can actually pay out for everything we have booked etc. I guess I should just be really grateful that all told, we (I) can do it without having to cut back or cancel anything. Until very recently his disposably income was higher than mine and it's only really evened our because I got a ridiculous bonus this year but I have still managed to save a nice chunk and he has saved nothing. The agreement (because I was the higher earner) was that I would pay for honeymoon and OH just had to supply the spending money rather than pay half, but he also needed to pay a decent contribution towards the wedding. Now it turns out he can just about sort out spending money and maybe a few hundred towards the wedding itself, that leaves me to pay £2.7k on the honeymoon (which I did today) and the remaining £4k for the wedding. I am literally going to have maybe £100 left in my savings!

We are just about to get married and I am really torn between not wanting to get into the 'I paid this and you only paid that' argument but I knew there was a good chance of this happening and I tried to avoid it by asking him to keep an eye on his account and letting me know what we had. Whats even worse is that he said he would pay for the trip to Egypt and actually, I am going to end up paying for that too. The worst part is even he doesn't really know where his money has gone and now isn't getting much over time. He isn't bad with money, he has no debt and always has a buffer in his bank but he isn't very clued up with dates payments go in/out etc. I can only assume that he checked it just after my money towards bills had gone in but before the rent etc came out, so it wasn't a true figure.

Tried to talk about it last night without things getting heated but had to walk away because I don't want to make him feel like he isn't good enough or doesn't earn enough, he's just clueless and a poor planner but I am annoyed, very annoyed. I then made a quip about how I am glad we are only doing this once (and it was said as a joke) and he replied by asking if I understood why marriage was never on his radar!?!?!?! Ok, so you WERE lying to me all the times you said you wanted to marry me and I am sorry I for forcing you into it! He even had the cheek to tell me that although I had done all the organising he'd had to listen to it all/me moaning. Just wow.

This morning he obviously realised how it made me feel and tried to make amends but honestly, if all this had happened 3 months ago I think I would have cancelled.

f***ing men. :mad:

jtr2803

And obviously if I had known this I wouldn't have booked the trip to NYC!

I've ended up putting £1,000 aside for spending money and I knew there would be some left to put towards honeymoon so now I am paying even more towards it.....arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

I should add, he said to me this morning that as soon as he gets paid he will send £1,000 to my account so I can do what I need to with it, and he will do it again as soon as he can so at least thats something.

cats2012

Oh jtr I didn't even know which bit to quote from your post I just want to give you a hug!!!!

Money is such a tough issue isn't it? All our finances are joint anyway so I don't have the same problem you do, but my OH earns a lot less than me and has had quite a bit of time off with norovirus bugs so his incomings have been smaller and it means we're a lot more stretched than I was hoping. Plus he gets so defensive about me being the higher earner anyway so it's so hard to talk about.

I definitely don't think you should cancel or anything as there is far more to a relationship than money but it definitely sounds like you need to have a good heart to heart about how you're going to manage money as a couple - even if it's hard for him to hear! Yes a wedding will only be once but you'll need emergency funds for stuff, or things for your kids so he needs to get that things need to be more open.

Hope you're ok though, massive virtual hug !!

scared1

Sounds awful...jtr. Sometimes walking away when you're so wound up is the best thing to do but then I always try and come back when both of us are calm and relaxed and discuss it then. I try and ask my partner how she would like to sort it and it feels a bit less like I'm telling her something and more like a joint plan...money is stressful. So having things set up clearly before hand will mean you don't have the the same issues over and over and the big talk is only once. She is much better with money than me but I am the earner and she is the stay at home mum so I let her take care of everything. Having a bills account helps so everything goes in there once a month and the savings go there too. Hope this helps. We're not having a honeymoon until the summer once we have time to save up again and childcare. Good Luck sorting your day.

sk00bie1

Hey jtr

I feel your pain, hoping you can sort it all out. It sounds like he's trying to fix it so thats something!

I still don't know what we're going to do, at the moment we quite likely will have to cancel Vegas And we can't book anything in the UK until we know when my dad will be back in the country so who knows when we'll actually get married.

Why is all this so hard?

cats2012

sk00bie1 wrote: »

Hey jtr

I feel your pain, hoping you can sort it all out. It sounds like he's trying to fix it so thats something!

I still don't know what we're going to do, at the moment we quite likely will have to cancel Vegas And we can't book anything in the UK until we know when my dad will be back in the country so who knows when we'll actually get married.

Why is all this so hard?

sk00bie I must have missed some posts, what's happened?!

sk00bie1

It's a bit long!

To put it in perspective OHs parents weren't going to be coming to the wedding (although they wanted to) as his father has been ill. His brother and sister weren't as they wouldn't be able to afford it and both have young children. (I don't think he was that bothered about this as he isn't very close to them.) His younger brother (who he was close to) passed away three years ago and he would have been OHs best man.

Of his three friends who were invited one likely wouldn't have been able to come due to money anyway but now a second has backed out claiming he can't afford it due to his own wedding next year and that he has just found out his fiance is expecting. This leaves one friend who is definitely coming

OH understandably wants more people there so we thought maybe we'd get married before we go to Vegas in a small ceremony with family there and then proceed as planned. But thinking about it, it would be silly to spend all that money in Vegas if we were already married

Perhaps if money is the only issue with said friend, we might be able to help him with tickets etc and could do Vegas as planned. But at the moment OH is still hurting and hasn't talked to him.

I'm trying to get him to though as we're supposed to be going out on Friday with the friend and fiance, that's going to be a good night =/ Am very tempted to not go, don't think I'd be very good company at the moment and not even sure if I'll be able to talk to them. I know it's not their fault but it still hurts that we might not be able to proceed as we planned. I think I'm more attached to our Vegas wedding than I realised

If we did get married in the UK maybe we could keep our reception in May but we can't book anything yet cause my Dad isn't in the country and isn't sure when he'll be back.

I suppose this way I might get my church wedding in our local church (what I'd dreamed of when I was younger! What little girl doesn't:rotfl:). I had always discounted this as OH isn't religious, Vegas was a good compromise! But he said of the ceremony in Vegas that he'd do whatever I wanted in terms of the service, so it might happen...

I'm still just trying to get my head around the fact the Vegas might not