Adult children paying their share of a meal

*Louise*

I do wonder what actually happened when the bill arrived. Something or some sort of discussion must have taken place for him to have ended up paying the whole lot.

In that situation I would have put about £30 on the bill plate to cover 2 meals and passed the plate to the next couple or put it in the middle of the table. Sometimes actions speak louder than words lol.

If anyone had the cheek to comment I would have just said 'it's a lovely surprise to see you all here but I didn't bring enough money to pay for everyone, sorry'

Big_Alf

*Louise* wrote: »

I do wonder what actually happened when the bill arrived. Something or some sort of discussion must have taken place for him to have ended up paying the whole lot.

In that situation I would have put about £30 on the bill plate to cover 2 meals and passed the plate to the next couple or put it in the middle of the table. Sometimes actions speak louder than words lol.

If anyone had the cheek to comment I would have just said 'it's a lovely surprise to see you all here but I didn't bring enough money to pay for everyone, sorry'

Quite the opposite, probably no conversation took place when the bill arrived. For him to comment that the blokes had 'sewn up pockets' means there must have been non of the old 'I insist, no let me, give me that, well at least let me, put it away, well im getting this round in then etc etc...' chivalry that I remember existing when Britain was Great!

Another view could be that he wanted to exert his Alpha Male status over his daughters OH's, and is using the sewn pockets to cover this to the OP?

One thing I love about China is that if you invite people out to eat, then it is acknowledged that you are footing the bill. There are no arguements or hours spent calculating who had what. No secretly hating the person opposite who is plowing through the wine list when the bill is being split etc :beer:

There is of course a hilariously flamboyant show of other people trying to get at the bill to pay, but everyone knows the score and it works brilliantly.

There is too much of a face saving culture for people to take advantage of this, and you will generally find yourself eating out every other day until everyone has had their turn at getting the bill!

roddydogs

& I Bet they spent most of the time on their mobiles.

jess1974

Oooh it all sounds horribly awkward, i hate eating out with my hubbys family as we have 3 kids and it costs a fortune, so we really cannot afford to pay for anyone else, when the bill comes we put in enough cash to cover ourselves, and then pass it along for the others to do the same, my hubbys brother tend to order expensive things so this works well for us and nobody gets stiffed....

Brighton_belle

Big_Alf wrote: »

One thing I love about China is that if you invite people out to eat, then it is acknowledged that you are footing the bill.

In this case of course, nobody invited anybody out for a meal: as far as Dad was concerned it was going to be just him and his 16 yr old son whom he would have paid for without question I have no doubt.

Acc72

OP - what is the real situation / question ?

There is clearly an undercurrent of other issues going on here, and this is not about who pays for a pub lunch.

If you are going to post a thread on an anonymous website then you might as well take the opportunity to be completely honest - otherwise, how likely is it that you will be open and honest with the actual people in your real life situation ?

jellyhead

How long ago did the marriage end, and how were things afterwards?

I am just wondering if perhaps the older girls feel hard done to if they see your OH taking the younger boy out and paying for him but he never did that when they were 16?

They might have engineered the whole situation without the 16 year old realising what would happen or being able to do much about it.

Also - does their mother pay for everyone when they go out to eat? It might be what they expect. My inlaws pay for everyone when we go out (them, 2 kids, 2 spouses and my 2 kids). My own parents would only pay for themselves and any of their children who was still in education.

so, in my family it would have been strange if the dad was expected to pay the whole bill, but in my husband's family it would have been the norm.

Seanymph

How is your relationship with the children?

I find it strange that you weren't included (perhaps you do too?) - but can see why they would all want to surprise their dad with a meal out.

Perhaps they wanted to see him without you there? To spend some time with him?

onlyroz

Big_Alf wrote: »

One thing I love about China is that if you invite people out to eat, then it is acknowledged that you are footing the bill. There are no arguements or hours spent calculating who had what. No secretly hating the person opposite who is plowing through the wine list when the bill is being split etc :beer:

The thing about China, though, is that if somebody invites you out for a meal then you are:
a) Obligated to say yes even if you don't want to go
b) Obligated to invite them out yourself at some point in the near future

mico62

I spoke to DH about it last night and in his words he feels used and ambushed. It was his birthday a few wks ago and all he got was a text from each of them. I'd contacted the eldest to invite them here for a meal but they were too busy even when I offered alternative dates.