cemetary, council and removal of personal obejcts from grave.

coolcait

meritaten wrote: »

...
.. as you can see - many of the graves had stone edgeing which had been there for some time - surely they just cannot remove it?
I thought the councils remit was merely to maintain access BETWEEN the plots?

Look at the wording of the Council policy:

"the holder of the Exclusive Right of Burial in the plot".

That's what you get when you 'buy' a plot. The right to burial in the plot. No more, no less.

Everything above ground remains within the Council's remit, and within their rules on what can and cannot be done to the surface of the grave.

I understand the emotional reaction to the removal of these items, but a successful complaint will not be built on emotions. It will be built on facts. Such as whether or not the council gave sufficient notice, in terms of their own policy.

Once you have set out the facts underpinning your complaint, you can also set out the emotional impact that the council's actions have had on you. An emotional impact which could have been avoided or lessened if the council had followed the proper procedures.

Anyone who wades in with a rant about desecration of graves (it's not); any reference to 'our/my' plot (it's not); or anything else that is factually incorrect, will simply get a reply back pointing that out, and referring them to the policy. How will that help?

That's why I have suggested that those who have been affected find someone else to help them set out their complaint - as itis easier to see, and set out, the factual elements of the complaint when you are not emotionally involved.

Humphrey10

meritaten wrote: »

there was NO restriction of any kind!

I wouldn't have thought it was something that needed to be written down really. Some graveyards are full of tat like teddy bears, photos frames, lights, pillows, football memorabilia - of course these things are not suitable for a place like a graveyard, no one should need to be told that.

mountainofdebt

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I can understand a parent wanting to put some teddies on a grave but I can't understand why an adult's grave needs to be adorned like a christmas tree.

But I can't even see how a wet, dirty teddy would bring anyone comfort

meritaten

I just waded through the councils own charter on burials and maintenance of cemeteries.
They say that the bereaved should be treated in a 'sensitive' manner.
They say that the style and type of monument is agreed before burial and will be 'honoured' for the length of time of purchase of the plot (100 years is the norm).
That maintainance 'of the plot itself is down to the plot holder'.
That childrens graves are 'allowed to have family mementoes such as toys, teddies etc where the childrens graves are apart from adult graves' and that 'this will be explained to the bereaved parents in a sensitive manner.
That items on the plot such as urns - Plaques etc - will NOT be removed or moved without the express permission of the plotholder.
I could go on - but this is in their own charter - apparently council members didnt read this before agreeing to 'americanise' the graveyard!

pimento

OP, if you do write to the council, there's no 'a' in cemetery.

Janepig

meritaten wrote: »

I also dislike the idea of uniformity in graveyards - since I visited the graveyard in france for those killed overseas during the war all those same gravestones as far as the eye can see - it made the occupants of those graves nothing but a number on a map - it totally depersonalised them and i found it very distressing - even though I was only 12 at the time!

Good job we're not all the same isn't it? I feel the very opposite. I'm all for uniformity in graveyards. I haven't visited any of the war cemeteries on the continent, but Arlington Cemetery in America is much the same and I like it. Everyone equal in death and all that. There's nothing worse than seeing graves where obviously no-one's been since the person was buried there, alongside other graves where there's loads of stuff and clearly relatives are back and forth all the time. I also can't bear the roadside memorials that spring up after a car crash or similar (usually after a joy-rider has been killed, in my experience). Then rotting flowers are left wilting in their cellophane for months and years on end, with the council too terrified to remove them for fear of causing offence/bad publicity.

Jx

Errata

I've never been able to understand the point of 'mementos' on a grave. Better to ensure the dear departed was given lots of nice stuff when they were alive and could appreciate it, surely.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

your not grasping to what has happened there. take a flower pot, matching the headstone, concreted in place surrounded with white stone and a bourder, simple tidy grave site you may think, untill you visit and the coucil hass torn up the flower pot placed it behind the headstone removed your white chipping and bourder and then continued to remove an inch worth of topsoil and throw your plastic flowers you have in the pot in the bin. or a simple aluminium pot removed and placed in a recycling bin and top soil scraped back. my point is its not only the ones that have a few things on a grave its ones that also have the simplest of things removed.

please dont get me wrong the grave yard has been kept clean and tidy, to look at it inside its peicefull tranquill and beutifull site to visit, there no litter or rubbish strewn around and people are very respectfull of others graves, walking inbetween plots not on them, being cutious as not to casue any anyoance to families of other grave sites to what you place on your grave.

steph7163

Errata wrote: »

I've never been able to understand the point of 'mementos' on a grave. Better to ensure the dear departed was given lots of nice stuff when they were alive and could appreciate it, surely.

Some of us never got the chance to buy/give lots of nice stuff and this is all we can do to acknowledge our loved one - i hope that you never suffer this horrendous and life changing misfortune as i would not wish it on my worst enemy but for those who have i am sorry - sorry that your council will not leave you to grieve in peace and in your own way be it for a child or adult - sorry also that you are suffering as i myself knows only to well
also to add the comfort a cold damp wet dirty teddy brings is immense and please be grateful if you never understand this
stephxxx

lostinrates

Janepig wrote: »

Good job we're not all the same isn't it? I feel the very opposite. I'm all for uniformity in graveyards. I haven't visited any of the war cemeteries on the continent, but Arlington Cemetery in America is much the same and I like it. Everyone equal in death and all that. There's nothing worse than seeing graves where obviously no-one's been since the person was buried there, alongside other graves where there's loads of stuff and clearly relatives are back and forth all the time. I also can't bear the roadside memorials that spring up after a car crash or similar (usually after a joy-rider has been killed, in my experience). Then rotting flowers are left wilting in their cellophane for months and years on end, with the council too terrified to remove them for fear of causing offence/bad publicity.

Jx

I actuallythink its worth marking accident hot spots, In pats of france they used to be marked with black silhouettes of people...representing who had died there...so shapes of men, women or children, i have no idea how widespread this was, r indeed if it still happens. Very chilling.

I am afraid otherwise a fall into the nothing other than plants Or flowers. I do not mind lack of uniformity but find some stones not to my taste and feel sad when money has been spent where it could obviously be used better for living family. My personal opinion only. The council not abiding by their own guidelines and with nonotice, despite my preference for tjeir plan, is imo appalling.