Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

jgriggle

We have a joint account so it's not an issue. We don't look at what I earn and what my wife earns. We just look at what WE earn.

Before we got married we had separate accounts and just paid proportionately. My wife earned about 1.5x what I did so paid 1.5x what I did towards the bills. That way she was left with 1.5x more disposable income than me. Can't say fairer than that.

elvis86

stampychan wrote: »

My ex-partner and I lived together for a fair while, and we budgeted our rent/bills based on what the lowest earning could pay. i.e. if lowest earner can only afford £500 per month, we'd rent somewhere that cost £1000 per month. That way no one's paying more than they can afford, but we maintain an equal financial relationship.

If one person earns more, they may well be working more, or have put more time into getting a job that offers more money, or be compromising their happiness (e.g. I earn far more in my current job than if I were a freelance writer - I'm less happy but I can afford more stuff).

As far as I'm concerned the money you earn is your money, and there is no reason why you should be made to pay more because your partner earns less.

Conversely, I can't imagine not wanting to share with the person I'm in a loving, committed relationship with. I don't think it's about being "made" to, you should want to.

Similarly, I can't imagine my OH and I living in a bedsit in a bad part of town because I was on a low income and couldn't afford to pay 50% towards a nicer place, when he earnt 4 times as much as me. It seems a very odd way to approach things?

If one person has barely any money due to a 50/50 bills split and the other is left with loads, what does the wealthy one spend it on? Do they swan around in designer gear whilst their OH raids the charity shops? Do they go for dinner and on holiday alone because their OH can't afford to?

If my OH begrudged me "benefitting me from his income" in the way you describe, and was happy to see me with very little money each month after a 50/50 split on bills that left him with loads of disposable income, then I'd question whether the relationship was right for me. To me that is anything but an "equal financial relationship". It's a "relationship" where one person sits comfortably and looks on as the other struggles. Not a relationship I'd want to be in. Perhaps that's why your ex is your ex?:(

stampychan wrote: »

Having said that, if you have come to a previous arrangement whereby you are agreeing to support your partner in something (them working part-time, staying at home, etc) then there's nothing wrong with contributing - but it's a nice thing to do, not something to be expected.

I disagree. If 2 people decide to have a family, and one of them stays at home to take care of the children, I'd say they have every right to expect the other person to share everything with them.

miss_renegade

In our house we both get paid in our own accounts, but then most (sometimes all) of our wages go in to our joint account where the bills are paid from. Any money left in there is our money for whatever we may need. The only time we 'ask permission' if you like, to spend money is if it's a larger than usual amount of money.

We are not married, and have had a joint account for a few years now, so i find it very odd that some married couples don't do this, as surely a marriage is a partnership?!

I think the fairest way to do it is to share everything equally - including income. If you're both out there working you're both doing what you can to earn money!

Huh_What??

Newbie here to MSE forums so please be gentle.

I live with my partner who earns more than I do but we work out what each household bill incurs and then I pay into his account (we get paid at different times of the month) an agreed amount (50/50 on majority of bills but some he pays more due to extra to TV packages, etc), we don't have a joint account and don't really want one but I know many people who this works out very well for and some who it doesn't.

As in many of the previous replies, it is up to the individuals concerned and should be discussed between them personally although I too have found some of the comments interesting as you never know what changes may occur in your working lifetime and something may need to change as these happen.

Good luck on the resolution either way but at the end only you and your husband can work this one out to mutual satisfaction.

emuratty

We're not married, but we have 2 young children together. My partner earns more than me because he works full time and I work part time (on an hourly basis I earn more). It was a joint decision for me to work part-time for the benefit of our children and also to give me time to study towards a qualification to increase my future earning potential once both kids are at school.

Our wages go into a joint account which we use to pay bills, buy food and petrol etc. We then both take an agreed "allowance" each month for our personal spending. Anything left over in the joint account is saved for holidays etc. We have no loans or debts, except a mortgage. We both have the attitude that we're in it together and the money we earn isn't "yours and mine", it's "ours".

This works well for us because we have made an agreement to run our finances this way and we both stick to it. We have no problems with one person spending frivilously etc.

Before we had the children and we both worked full time we paid half each of the mortgage and household bills, admitedly though we did earn roughly the same.

VoucherMan

MSE_Debs wrote: »

and still have money to buy clothes, go out, etc, but I struggle to save

Save for what?

Let him do the saving.

If you struggle to save now then what's to say you wouldn't still struggle if you had more money. You may just end up squandering more on clothes & stuff.

jennmark

i'm astonished at the number of people who have only joint accounts, and also at some of the judgemental things that have been said on this thread. as other posters have stated, finances are individual and what works for some couples wont work for others.
my husband and i have lived together for 8 years, initially as partners in rented accomodation and later as a married couple in mortgaged house. we have always had seperate accounts plus a joint account and i dont ever imagine us changing that. we get paid (him weekly, me monthly) into our own accounts, we then pay a percentage of that into the joint account to cover joint bills and food shopping and things for our son. he earns more than me by about 1/3 he doesnt quite pay 1/3 more of his income into the joint account, but he does pay more than me. before i went part time we earned similar wages so paid the same amount in.
why does this arrangement suit us? my husband is rubbish with money, but by keeping the bills money seperate i know that the mortgage wil get paid, i also know that he wont spend excessive amounts of money, some of which i have earnt and would like to spend on myself or save on things for himself that i will get no benefit of - hes not selfish, he just would look at the bank account and think, ooh theres quite a bit in there, i need a new fishing rod!
the second and to me very important ascpect of our seperated finances is that over the years he has racked up debts for a variety of reasons, boy racer car additions in his youth, various expensive hobbies and a thing about motorbikes as he got a bit older, we have been together since our teens but even my quiet nagging has not prevented the build up of debt, very little of it has been spent on me, his debt repayments are ~£400 a month, my debt repayments are zero, why should i repay debt for him? we also pay for our cars out of our own money.
on the flip side, as he spends a lot of his income on his debts i tend to be the one who stumps up for the take aways and days out, plus i save as much of my income as possible, but those savings will be spent on a family holiday, or more likely to bolster the houshold income later this year when i'm on maternity leave as his income alone is not sufficient.
this is what works for us we are in a loving marriage, not a flatshare, i do not expect us to divorce but just because we are married does not mean either of us should give up our financial independance.
for the op i think the best idea is to read the thread and think about the options, then speak to your husband only he will really be able to help you decide what to do!

cpb10

SoozM wrote: »

My husband & I have a joint account from which we pay all bills and expenses for our son. We also both maintain our own individual accounts, where salaries are paid and personal spending (clothes, nights out apart etc) come from.

Each month we both pay a set amount into the joint account from our salary account to cover bills, and this is directly proportionate to our salaries... each year we review the amount depending on any pay rises we are lucky enough to get, and alter the amounts if required. It's only fair that we each have a similar percentage of disposable income leftover after bills.

I don't know if this is a male/female debate.... so I'm not going to say who pays more in our house, as in my opinion it shouldn't matter... the calculation is fair, regardless of who pays more and who pays less. We both have our heads held high that we pay the same percentage of our hard earned cash towards bills.

I completely agree with this, we have done the same for the past 20+ years. My partner and I have quite different attitudes to money and this is the only sane way forward for us.

Any

stampychan wrote: »

I'm really surprised at the number of people who are saying that the person who earns more should pay more of the bills.

My ex-partner and I lived together for a fair while, and we budgeted our rent/bills based on what the lowest earning could pay. i.e. if lowest earner can only afford £500 per month, we'd rent somewhere that cost £1000 per month. That way no one's paying more than they can afford, but we maintain an equal financial relationship.

If one person earns more, they may well be working more, or have put more time into getting a job that offers more money, or be compromising their happiness (e.g. I earn far more in my current job than if I were a freelance writer - I'm less happy but I can afford more stuff).

As far as I'm concerned the money you earn is your money, and there is no reason why you should be made to pay more because your partner earns less.

Having said that, if you have come to a previous arrangement whereby you are agreeing to support your partner in something (them working part-time, staying at home, etc) then there's nothing wrong with contributing - but it's a nice thing to do, not something to be expected.

Value your independence - you've worked for it, it's yours.

I agree with the part in black...
But as for the rest, I think that is very circumstantial..
My OH lived where we do now before we met. It is very nice area and never an area where I would buy, not at this time of my life anyway, no way I could afford it. But he would never move out of the area. So as you see I am stuck with it. We pay % according to income because that way we are still left with % of our income we work hard for (I believe that enjoying fruits of your labour push you harder), not paying out rigid 50% or are left with rigid £200 - which could be doable, but I would think it is demotivating deep deep down to try better.

Also on the other hand, what happens when due to 50/50 split one is left with lots and one goes to charity shops? How do you go on holiday? etc etc..

P.S. Don't always assume joint account is the way to go. Ones financial inability affects your credit rating as well if you have any joint accounts, so just be carefull that your good score is not trashed by your dearest past/future mistakes.

morg_monster

When DH and I started living together (not married nor engaged) we both earned roughly the same salary. We opened a joint account and each paid the same amount into it to pay for rent and all bills and grocery shopping (nothing left over, really). The rest of our salary was ours to do with as we wanted. We tended to split most other things we did together eg going out for dinner, a weekend away, unless someone wanted to treat the other. Our savings were kept individual - I guess at that point we didn't know 100% we'd stay together forever (just 90% :-)

When we got engaged we relaxed a bit and took the view of what's mine is (going to be) yours, so started saving together (obviously had to for the wedding, also for a house deposit), and started to put a greater proportion of our salaries into the joint account. As DH's earnings started to outpace mine he started to put more money in each month although we don't calculate strict proportions.

Now we are married and have a house together we each put all our salary bar about £400 into the joint account. That now pays for pretty much everything we do together & allows us to save a nice amount too. We each use our own £400ish for lunches, clothes shopping, weekends away on our own (eg stag or hen dos), Christmas and birthday presents (oddly we still buy presents for each other's family on an individual basis) and for treating each other. Anything left in our own accounts, we usually save up so we have small individual savings accounts (eg if one of us fancies something like a new cricket bat (him) or an overly expensive goretex jacket (me)) but the bulk of our savings are combined. I also have a small business I run from home which gives me a small but consistent monthly income, I keep this separate so that when I need to invest in materials etc I have the cash there. But if I run up a big lump sum, or have a particularly good month, I'll put some in the joint just as I do with my full time salary.

It works for us, I wouldn't want to lose my own current account and nor would DH. When we have kids I expect it may have to change a bit, although as I have quite generous maternity conditions we won't need to rely on his salary alone for very long which might make things easier from an organisational POV!

Definitely every couple has their own opinions. I think that with people getting married later these days, they do tend to have higher incomes when they get hitched, and perhaps quite set financial habits that they value and want to keep, along with some financial independence. Plus as women are waiting longer to have kids they generally have a better salary when that happens than in past generations so may not need to rely 100% on DH's salary as say my mother did. I feel that committed couples of my generation (30 yrs) generally have much more separate finances as those of my parents generation (50-60 yrs) and it works for us on the whole. Amongst my peers it has been the having kids thing that tends to make people combine their finances completely, not getting married or even buying a house or flat together.