Upset. Need to change but how?

worriedtoo

he is a kind and caring person and does a lot to help me, he really does and appreciates anything done to help him.
but i dont think he respects me or trusts me. underneath it all he believes I'm a thickarse and a liar so i guess thats why he gets so mad towards me.

Oldernotwiser

worriedtoo wrote: »

yes, i am worried about a few things and do feel stressed about work.he doesnt pay rent, we agreed when he moved in about that, though he does help out with things instead.

the house isnt massively untidy overall, though some things need sorting. it isnt easy for him being stuck at home all day.
the most recent disagreement was over the car for sale. someone was coming to view it. when i spoke to them at the weekend, i said tuesday but they turned up ysday- according to lodger who was present when i spoke to viewer on the phone, he heard me say monday so they both couldnt be wrong. the car wasnt prepared (ie untidy/uncleaned/no petrol) so naturally the viewer wasnt interested. I'm sure i said Tuesday and explained why i was expecting him on tues but it became an argument as he says i wont ever admit i'm wrong, always spoil things and enjoy wallowing in a crappy mess.
i have felt quite overwhelmed and fed up for a while, and as i said at the beginning, i hate anger. he seems determined to believe that i make him angry on purpose and like causing arguments but that simply isnt true

You are being taken for a ride financially and then being abused emotionally! Either get this guy to pay his way or throw the !!!!!!!!!! out!

How long has this state of affairs been going on!

thunderbird

worriedtoo wrote: »

he is a kind and caring person and does a lot to help me, he really does and appreciates anything done to help him.
but i dont think he respects me or trusts me. underneath it all he believes I'm a thickarse and a liar so i guess thats why he gets so mad towards me.

He is not kind and caring if he doesn't respect you - quite the opposite.

Getting the impression that he had nothing better to do with his time than belittle you.

RAS

worriedtoo wrote: »

he is a kind and caring person and does a lot to help me, he really does and appreciates anything done to help him.
but i dont think he respects me or trusts me. underneath it all he believes I'm a thickarse and a liar so i guess thats why he gets so mad towards me.

He is not kind and caring. He is a moaning minnie who is bullying you and interfering in your business when he has absolutely not right to comment.

How have you got into this situation?

Just tell him that since he is not happy living with you, he needs to move out, within two weeks.

Oh and stop cooking him supper - you are not his wife or girlfriend. Arrange to go out for a few nights or eat at your folks to break the cycle.

Scrapaholic

worriedtoo wrote: »

he is a kind and caring person and does a lot to help me, he really does and appreciates anything done to help him.
but i dont think he respects me or trusts me. underneath it all he believes I'm a thickarse and a liar so i guess thats why he gets so mad towards me.

He's kind and caring yet your friend thinks you area thicka** and a liar and doesn't trust you ! Friends just don't think that of you. Have you other friends ? No offence , do you have any issue with low self esteem ? Would you feel better about the situation if you became more organised at home + he'd have less to crticise you about ? Good luck .

shebangs

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Sambucus_Nigra

I am afraid if you were my chum and came to me with this nonsense I'd give you a serious telling off.

He is taking the p and using mind games to make you feel as if YOU are the one not pulling your weight - even though he is living rent free and asking you to make more of an effort when it's you working, coming home and cooking and basically - giving him a free ride.

What do you get out of this relationship?

Oldernotwiser

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You are being taken for a ride financially and then being abused emotionally! Either get this guy to pay his way or throw the !!!!!!!!!! out!

How long has this state of affairs been going on!

Good grief - why does the swear filter throw out f r e e l o a d e r?

meritaten

hun - The more you say the more convinced I am that this guy is a manipulative bully and certainly no friend to you!
He may well be Gaslighting you too - Telling you that you are wrong - when in fact you are right.
I would be asking him to find alternative accomodation. You are being bullied unmercifully in your OWN home!
friends dont behave this way hun, not REAL friends anyway.

Ilona

I used to have a guy like him once, a control freak, questioning everything I said or did. Get rid of him now. Listen to what others are telling you.
Ilona