Upset. Need to change but how?

worriedtoo

I can understand his resentment, feeling that his efforts are not appreciated or that it's unfair that he does things and I don't get round to others which is no way to treat friends. I do understand his point of view and would like to be less annoying.

Sambucus_Nigra

Ok - so that we can get a better picture.

Tell us about the last 3 times you did something 'wrong', what were they, and what was his response to each.

CH27

Seperating your business lives from your domestic lives may be helpful.
Is that possible?

You said in your OP that he is struggling to find work. How time consuming is the business & do you work elsewhere?

Peater

I'm going to go against the grain of the 'your house - your rules' thing here.

It does sound like you could be a very lazy person. Perhaps his pressures can be channelled away from 'woe is me, i'm rubbish' into self-improvment.

Make a big 'to-do' list and every day create a smaller, realistic 'daily to-do' list that you strive to keep to. Things get done, you feel better, your housemate feels better, you get along better, everything is just..............BETTER.

Oldernotwiser

Does he actually pay you rent? If so, is this at the going rate?

MissMitch

My situation is very similar to yours indeed, except for one thing, if my friend / lodger gave out to me anymore than just making a constructive point, once, then he'd be told if he doesn't like it, he knows what he can do! But he doesn't, he's very good and tolerates both my pets and my poor domestic skills incredibly well.

It may help you to try and get on top of things though for yourself, because living in a messy environment drags you down and overwhelms you. There's a great book called Getting Things Done which helps with time management and the Fly lady threads on here. I could never be overly organised, but it is nice to have an ordered mess!

paddy's_mum

Peater wrote: »

I'm going to go against the grain of the 'your house - your rules' thing here.

It does sound like you could be a very lazy person. Perhaps his pressures can be channelled away from 'woe is me, i'm rubbish' into self-improvment.

Make a big 'to-do' list and every day create a smaller, realistic 'daily to-do' list that you strive to keep to. Things get done, you feel better, your housemate feels better, you get along better, everything is just..............BETTER.

There is a lot of sense in this response, in my opinion. Only you can decide whether there is any truth in it, and whether trying just a little bit harder might pay off for both you and your lodger.

However, having said that, I agree with others that you need to be just a little wary that you are not being bludgeoned by a stronger, less fair-minded personality. Good luck.

Oldernotwiser

If the lodger isn't working, I wonder why he doesn't do the housework if he's that keen on having the place tidy.

yvonne13_2

I personally don't see why the lodger should have to clean up the mess if the mess is not his.

I would hate to have to go into the bathroom or kitchen and find it in a state. If you keep your bedroom messy well that's your business but I do feel if someone is paying rent to share the other amenities it should be kept clean and tidy.

Also you say you have business interest together but he cannot find work what do you actually mean?

Oldernotwiser

yvonne13 wrote: »

I personally don't see why the lodger should have to clean up the mess if the mess is not his.

I would hate to have to go into the bathroom or kitchen and find it in a state. If you keep your bedroom messy well that's your business but I do feel if someone is paying rent to share the other amenities it should be kept clean and tidy.

Also you say you have business interest together but he cannot find work what do you actually mean?

If he doesn't like the way the OP chooses to live then he can leave. You cannot dictate how someone lives in their own home!