Upset. Need to change but how?

worriedtoo

Hi, would like some advice on how to sort myself out. Background is have a close friend who lives with me as a lodger. He helps out round the house, as well as doing jobs and is a good friend whose friendship I value and who is good company, despite his own frustrations at struggling to find work, and health issues both of which are difficult for a bright and active person. Despite my best intentions, I seem to get things wrong. He feels that I deliberately wind him up and annoy him because I always have to be right or
Because I like arguments and get some odd pleasure out of angering him which isn't true. I find them stessful, anger unnerves me so I cope by becoming withdrawn which annoys him even more.
I would like some advice on how to change my
behaviours that are annoying- messiness, not getting round to
Things, untidyness, etc so I can be less annoying thanks

McKneff

He's working you like a puppet, its your house, he maybe is a good friend but to be honest, you should tell him if he isnt happy then maybe its best he finds somewhere else to live.

Sorry but he is bullying you, there is nothing wrong with you.
It seems to me that he is either frustrated about not being able to get a job or he has mental problems.

You should be able to relax and be yourself in your own home !!!!!!.

worriedtoo

Why do I always go and spoil things with my behaviour? And use excuses to justifying actions instead of admitting I'm wrong???

Sambucus_Nigra

worriedtoo wrote: »

I would like some advice on how to change my
behaviours that are annoying- messiness, not getting round to
Things, untidyness, etc so I can be less annoying thanks

Erm - it's your house so if you want to be messy, untidy, not get round to things - then that's your prerogative.

Are you in a 'relationship' with this person?

meritaten

right - you want to change to appease your LODGER? either he isnt your lodger or he has you convinced that he is in charge?
if he is your lodger then if he doesnt like you - he finds somewhere else more to his liking! Simple as hun, you give him notice to leave!
Its not up to a ruddy lodger to criticise you unless his room isnt to spec!
It sounds more like an argument between partners - does he think that is what you are?

moodydonkey

worriedtoo wrote: »

Why do I always go and spoil things with my behaviour? And use excuses to justifying actions instead of admitting I'm wrong???

Are you wrong tho or just being told that you are wrong? If it's just your opinion against his then it may not be you. Not being nosy but some examples may give some perspective to help you with the situation.

yvonne13_2

OP, how do you now that the issue's is with you? Is that what your lodger say's?

If your messy ect that's your business your lodgers has two choices either pay his rent or jog on.

You will change your habit's when your ready.

meritaten

Your house, Your rules - your lodger either accepts them or moves on. He may well be a 'friend' but he cannot dictate to you. You sound rather intimidated by him hun.

mandragora_2

Be careful you're not being exploited and/or abused. I worry that you feel that 'everything's my fault' when you're providing a roof and security to someone who you've had a row with, who is 'struggling to find work' and who has 'health issues'. Be wary of being manipulated.

McKneff

He is manipulating you. Stop being so passive. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Stand up to him, wait a while, if he is no better, bin bag his clothes, put them outside.

He is a lodger, he has no rights. Tell him to get real or do one.

worriedtoo

Hi, thanx for the replies.
To clarify things a bit, yes he lodges with me, but he is more of a close friend that I have known for quite a few years now. We also have a business interest together and that is one of the areas he gets cross about as I don't pull my weight and do my fair share. As I said, he does lots of things to help me but gets frustrated at the way I let things slip.