Am I worrying unnecessarily ?

Peater

Hmmm. Spending time in a nursery, unpaid, under a guise of monitoring. They ought to lock you up, you filthy 'pedo'.

'in this day and age you cant be too careful , there are too many plausable pedos in positions of power(dont feel this guy is one of them)'

Sir, step away from that copy of the Daily Mail. It's turned your mind into piddle.

ginger_tony

Not monitoring just looking out for my kid like any decent parent would do. Im female by the way,and certainly not of the daily mail persuasion, the point I was trying too make was that every parent should be vigilant but not jump to conclusions. Sorry if it came across badly.

[Deleted User]

OP, if your still reading, I can identify with your fears but its important to maintain a sense of rationality so you don't transfer them to your child.

I remember intently questioning my husband when he told me our son had sat on the lap of man i didn't really know when he was a young toddler. Totally irrational but in my mind i wasn't there to oversee and protect.

Moving on from that, male role models are vitally important, i can see that just from our father/son relationship. Also my son is responds well to other males around him and has already said he can't wait to be in Year2 (he's in reception) as its a male teacher. The only other one in a staff of 20 ish is the head teacher, so a ratio of 2/20. (Maybe 17-20 but i'm not sure if you include teaching assistants and office staff, it might be higher). My point is predominently his school is female orientated and his nursery was so completely. Sad really as a lot of boys would love to have a male around to "click" with. I know I couldn't meet my sons "interest" needs on my own - they are very boy orientated and i'm quite frankly very uninterested in his passions. Luckily he has his dad to indulged with as he's just as keen.

I guess what i'm trying to say is its important not to let your past cloud your son's future and let your anxieties transfer over to him too. You know your child best and you could always ring in 10-20 mins after leaving to hear he's fine, it was just you going and the separating thing.

If it helps. My son started nursery the day after his second birthday, our daughter the same. Due to the close age gap they were in the same class for 2 terms, then he moved into the 3-4 class and she remained in the 2-3 class but they still had contact during the day and at certain playtimes.

Since our son has moved onto school i've gradually noticed a reluctance on our daughter's part to want to go to nursery, so by christmas a nusery day had become a big drama, tears and "I don't want to go" and pure distress from getting up until she got there. I had to stay strong whilst getting them out the door, drop son off at school then take her to nursery. Afterwards i'd be emotional from the effort of it, but that's my job i guess.

I found it hard to fathom as for 18 months or so she was fine to go then it built up. I think i realise the problem was not having her brother close by as they'd been together since she was born and always gone on the same days to school. Then they got separated and she had her rock removed. She keeps asking me now when she can go to her brother's school. In the end to stop the drama my dad took her to school for a couple of days. She went without crying and enjoyed the novelty. We deduced from that it was the "separation anxiety" from me, rather than nursery. All the time her bro was there it was ok, but with him gone, she transferred him going with me going.

Following on from that I had a chat with her about going to nusery and being fine with Gramps but crying with me. I did it obviously in a way she could understand and said from now on we'd like to see smiley faces and happy to go and made of point of telling her what friends she'd see and getting her to take a really exciting show and tell toy.

This is the first week she has gone without any drama since the middle of December. So fingers crossed its last. She is approaching 4 and we've also been making references to big girls who are 4 are the oldest at nursery and going to school in September. Seems to have helped.

I know she can't wait to go to our son's school though, i've said to him he needs to look out for her in the playground and help her along. Hmmm...........we'll see.

Anway OP your not alone, people will judge you and people will sympathise and others will constructively try to help. Please try to pick the best out of your thread to help you and your son.

Right i have rambled enough, must go, (posting before reading or editing, sorry!).

ajaney

OP, My DS goes to Nursery the same 2 days a week, always dropped off by me. He is 19 months & has been going since last September.

The first 2 weeks, he cried when I got up to go. The next few weeks he was fine. Then after 6 weeks, he would cry when we pulled in the car park, this went on for a couple of weeks. Then it settled down & he would run off to play when we arrived. Just before Christmas, he started crying again when I got up to go. After Christmas he was fine. Last week on one of the days, he clung to me & really cried. The following day. I didn't even get a kiss, he ran off as soon as I opened the door! So it's different all the time, but quite normal on talking to staff & other parent friends.

I am new to this parenting lark & boy, is it hard! Full of pitfalls & utter dread at every turn! I can understand your concern but it sounds like normal behaviour to me.

Anacrusis

My daughter loved nursery but some days didn't want to go - so she stayed at home... however much fun going to places I like is, sometimes I just want to stay at home and I think that's the same for alot of people - little ones included!

Re your comment about getting to know the staff better - or even vet them as other posters have translated for us lol - yes absolutely a good idea to know the people who are looking after your child!

Anacrusis

I missed the 2nd page of this at first - Wow what strong feelings! I want to repeat what someone said earlier, that you should trust your own insticts. You know that on average most nursery workers are going to good to the kids but you're not happy and feel uneasy.

He doesn't have to go at all, unless you need the break for whatever reason, so do what feels right for you.

Big_Alf

Anacrusis wrote: »

I want to repeat what someone said earlier, that you should trust your own insticts.

Yes, it's fine to practice intolerence and prejudice as long as you have a hunch and The Daily Mail to go on. What a fantastic example to set to your children. Bravo :T

faerie~spangles

Anacrusis wrote: »

Re your comment about getting to know the staff better - or even vet them as other posters have translated for us lol - yes absolutely a good idea to know the people who are looking after your child!

Would you be happy for random untrained, unvetted mothers and fathers hanging around in your lo's nursery classes as a volunteer so they could spy on a trained nursery 'nurse' who happens to be male?

Bronnie

Big_Alf wrote: »

I'm a kindergarten principle QUOTE]

Are you really? Do you mean Kindergarten Principal?

marleyboy

do_it_today! wrote: »

Am I worrying unnecessarily ?

Dangerously so, YES!