Am I worrying unnecessarily ?

faerie~spangles

I presume the OP is prepared to pay for a Disclosure Scotland or the equivalent in England / Wales police check.

Or do they assume, that as a female volunteer parent other parents would be happy having them near their children without a police check?

cutestkids

:eek:I really can't believe this thread I thought it was a windup but it would appear that the OP is serious.
All children will do this at one time or another some more than once, a little girl at my sons nursery did this for several weeks for no reason.

I really think you need to get a grip, I mean really your kid cries and has a fuss about going to playgroup and your first thought is that the male staff is abusing kids.

That attitude makes me really angry.
How will you cope when your child has swimming lessons, joins cubs, starts playing football, rugby all these things are very male lead.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, I would have been very pleased for my children to have had a male nursery teacher or playgroup leader.

At the end of the day what would you prefer a female who was going through the motions of doing the job or a male who is caring enough to go out of his way to make your child welcome.

It is attitudes like yours that stops men from becoming teachers in the early years and also from running clubs and groups.

Mad-Frog

Why are you apologising to innocent male carers? By that definition the male at your child's nursery is guilty, of what crime? Child abuse? What nursery would employ a person guilty of child abuse? What sane parent would send their child to a nursery like that, not going to happen

More realistically the male carer could be like my OH, all kids love him probably because he acts all silly with them and make them laugh, they all like to cuddle him and do sit on his lap, all perfectly innocent. When we were on holiday there was a non English speaking couple who had a toddler and we would both play with him in the pool, did the person think we were a danger to their child, no all they saw was a couple who were trying to make their child laugh and be happy

I can see you are a worrier but put it another way how do you think your son would feel if as an adult someone thought he was a child abuser just because a child was sat on his knee! I don't mean to offend you just trying to get you to see the majority of people are not out to harm

If I had a child in nursery I would be more worried about a non qualified volunteer than I would about a qualified male professional tbh

CH27

I'm stunned that a tot not wanting to go to playgroup one day = child abuse from the male playworker! Wow! Just Wow!

Peater

man-hater much?

lostinrates

Op is getting a bit of a bashing and i can see why, but don't think its the best way to reassure her and encourage a healthieroutlook.

Op, if you are still reading, something to reflect on is that there is potential to do more harm to your child by seeing bogeymen and risks everywhere. Of course you need to be alert to risk but you also need to not be a risk yourself of creating an environment where mistrust and guardedness reign....those attitudes will certaunly cause harm.

I hope you really do feel reassured by parents ' advice from here. Incidentally my friends son sometimes cries when she leaves him at nursery or woth me, or when he is collected. As soon as she is out of sight he is giggling and happy. I think its a fairly normal attempt at getting her to stay.

Big_Alf

lostinrates wrote: »

Op is getting a bit of a bashing and i can see why, but don't think its the best way to reassure her and encourage a healthieroutlook.

I'm a kindergarten principle and we have a title for parents of the OP's ilk which I wont go into on here. (Initials are 'HM' if you want to try and guess )

She sounds completely irrational and her attitude has not improved throughout her posting which indicates she doesnt listen to others so there really is no point trying to reassure her of anything because it will fall on deaf ears.

Sadly this is reflected in her relationship with her son as she doesnt seem to understand him at all, which is sad, but not altogether uncommon. Instead of addressing their own issues and shortcomings, HM's will blame the nearest convenient and easiest target.

In this case its the poor bloke who happens to love kids so is OBVIOUSLY A BIG DIRTY !!!!!!

cutestkids

This thread and it subject matter has been playing on my mind and perhaps my initial response could have been a little more helpful so I have come back and again OP hope you do not feel that you are being got at.

Reading over the posts again you state that you would have held out for a different playgroup had you known that there was a male worker there, you also state that you cannot trust anyone with your child, why is this it is not something that most people would even consider.

I can see that you love your son and only want to protect him so what comes next is not meant to upset.:)

Have you considered speaking to your Doctor, the reactions and thoughts that you are having about the care of your child and safety of him are really quite irrational and over the top, you will need to overcome this feeling of being unable to trust anyone with your child as now that he is at playgroup age more and more of his time will be spent in the care of others as the years pass and he starts school and clubs and activities.

I do not mean that in a nasty way at all, but you may well have some degree of depression it is possible to not be aware yourself and it can manifest itself in many different ways, irrational thoughts being one of them.

I really hope that for your own sake and happiness and that of your child that you do consider this, perhaps just speaking to a proffesional my be helpful in putting things into perspective

As a final thing please try to remember that the vast majority of people who work with children do so for the right reasons, it is very rare in the grand scheme of things for anything at all untoward to happen to a child while in the care of teachers etc.

99.9% of all child abuse happens within the home or extended family of a child, it is just that we hear so much about the very small % that happens at school etc that this is what we are aware of.

Again I hope that you are feeling a bit better about the situation.

My own 6 year old tried it on this morning as he did not want to go to school and we had some tears and snot, turns out him and a little friend had a tiff yesterday.
Needless to say by the time they got to the cloakroom this morning they were best mates again:)

balletshoes

lostinrates wrote: »

Op is getting a bit of a bashing and i can see why, but don't think its the best way to reassure her and encourage a healthieroutlook.

Op, if you are still reading, something to reflect on is that there is potential to do more harm to your child by seeing bogeymen and risks everywhere. Of course you need to be alert to risk but you also need to not be a risk yourself of creating an environment where mistrust and guardedness reign....those attitudes will certaunly cause harm.

I hope you really do feel reassured by parents ' advice from here. Incidentally my friends son sometimes cries when she leaves him at nursery or woth me, or when he is collected. As soon as she is out of sight he is giggling and happy. I think its a fairly normal attempt at getting her to stay.

yep, completely normal OP. You don't usually take him to pg on a Monday, so when you tried to yesterday, your little boy didn't want to go. If you don't want to continue having issues when you take him to pg (or even school) in future, you're going to have to bite the bullet and take him.

ginger_tony

HI there sorry to hear you little one is upset, im in a in a similar situation my daughter has a male football coach in nursery and she hates him with a passion, she refuses to speak to him becomes withdrawn in the nursery and wets the bed when he is there. She says he shouts too much and after asking loading of questions. I know she is never on her own with him as there is always two female members of staff with them at all times so nothing by way of anything sexual I think he just scares her but I think in this day and age you cant be too careful , there are too many plausable pedos in positions of power(dont feel this guy is one of them) and we as parents should always question what is going on especially if our kids are acting out of character. but on the other hand I could have jumped the gun about her reaction and get the poor guy the bump even though he probably hasnt done anything and she is just being over sensitive and doesnt like him, so it pays to be prudent ask loads of question and get your facts staight before accusing anyone of anything. Im gonna suggest to nursery I come in as a volunteer next time he is there too see if he is shouting too much as the kids and if he is go see the head teacher about telling him to tone it down.