Am I worrying unnecessarily ?

do_it_today!

Hi
Today would have been my lo 3rd week at play group and so far he has loved it! Today though refused to go and got upset I didn't insist in the end;
It seems a 360 turn around has anyone else experienced this? He loves any play opportunity that he gets so I am puzzled.

Just some background I normally only take him on my day off so today was unusual for him.

Also there is a male carer there who always goes out of his way to say hello to him and the limited times I have seen him he has boys on his lap.

(apologising to innocent male carers out there in advance)
(I probably am being a bit paranoid and sexist but if I had known there was a male carer there beforehand I probably would have held out for another place tbh)

I am probably abit sensitive re child sexual abuse anyway but my radar is up following conviction of the teacher of 15 years at a primary school in somerset last week.

Also I'm new to the pg circuit but had a good feeling about the manager and deputy.

Some advice would be really appreciated and nothing too harsh please as I'm worrying about my child care arrangements ATM

Thank you

Shovel_Lad

do_it_today! wrote: »

I am probably abit sensitive re child sexual abuse anyway but my radar is up following conviction of the teacher of 15 years at a primary school in somerset last week.

Is your "radar" also up following the conviction of Vanessa George a couple of years ago? http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/dec/15/vanessa-george-jailed-child-sex-abuse

IMO you should be thankful that you son is going to have some male role models at his nursery. They are a rare breed, most men have been scared off from doing the job because of knee jerk reactions like yours.

Unorganized

Hi there, just a quickie as I'm out and on my phone.

My lo is also 3 and started this term. Everything's been fine, until something changes, such as daddy being home for the day, running late so that we have to hurry etc, then it's all tears and drama.

bigmomma051204

I can understand a mother's instinct to protect her child of course..... BUT in this case, quite frankly i think you are jumping, no... leaping to ridiculous and worryingly slanderous conclusions!


Is it any wonder that there are hardly any male nursery nurses or primary school teachers out there when there are parents who would jump to the conclusion that 2 weeks into a childcare setting, their child getting upset must be because there is a male carer there who has the kids sat on his lap. Would you be bothered if your child was sat on the lap of a FEMALE nursery nurse????

But then i suppose any man who likes children MUST be a weirdo. And all women who work with children are safe, caring and trustworthy.

Be VERY careful before you go mentioning this to anyone if i were you.

(rant over)

Edit - oh and in response to above poster, children ALL go through phases within their childcare setting.... get used to the paddys about going. They are normal! Give it 5 mins after you leave and they will 9 times out of 10 be off and playing with the toys!

Alleycat

He could just be having a bad day. Not feeling too great/tired/just not in the mood. Probably if you'd dropped him off, he would have been fine in 20 minutes or so. They all go through times when they're a bit clingy. It doesn't mean that he suddenly hates playgroup.

Re the male carer, I think it's fab for the kids to have a male role model in a caring environment. It shows them that childcare isn't just something for girls/women. Also there are quite a few kids who may not have a decent male in their lives so that's another important aspect.

I do think you are being rather irrational about the person and I'm sure they would be extremely upset to learn that you were having these concerns. He sounds very caring and a good member of staff if he takes the time to welcome the kids and have them climb all over him!

One of the reasons we really like our nursery is because there are two male members of staff. Our little boy loves his keyworker (who is male).

do_it_today!

Unorganized wrote: »

Hi there, just a quickie as I'm out and on my phone.

My lo is also 3 and started this term. Everything's been fine, until something changes, such as daddy being home for the day, running late so that we have to hurry etc, then it's all tears and drama.

thank you I feel abit more reassured....

Teenie_D

do_it_today! wrote: »

Hi
Today would have been my lo 3rd week at play group and so far he has loved it! Today though refused to go and got upset I didn't insist in the end;
It seems a 360 turn around has anyone else experienced this? He loves any play opportunity that he gets so I am puzzled.

I have seen this many times with different chidren in the 2 years my dd has been going to nursery, some will go months and then all of a sudden they don't want to go in for one reason or another. Is this the first time that you have left your DS for any length of time? It could be that he is realising that you are leaving him there for those couple of hours and he panics? Is he ok once he goes in?

As for the male worker comment I actually find it really sad. One of the nursery assistants in my DD's class is male and he is fantastic with all the kids, he does make an effort to speak to them, I would be worried if he ignored them tbh! I think it is great that he is there, especially for some of the children who maybe don't have a father figure around and really admire him for it. I am stunned that you would consider another nursery just because there is a male assistant there, don't quite get that at all. Would you feel the same about a male primary teacher?

skintchick

You are overreacting about the male carer. Poor man! YOu have no reason to suspect anything of him and you should make sure you do not say anything like this about him to anyone IRL, it is slander.

I can;t help ref the general issue as my Dd doesn;t go to nursery or pre-school so I've no experience in that area.

mucklebones

Could he be ailing? How old is your LO? Young children go through all sorts of phases. Although its important to be vigilant as a parent where child care is concerned, I wouldnt feel my child would be anymore at risk from a male infact Im extremely happy there is a male regulary at my daughters playgroup. I find men in childcare possess many qualities and would like to see more.
I also agree with Shovel Lads post not only are males in childcare rare, reactions like yours are most likely the reason why, and you should be thankful your son is receiving male role models at nursery.

MrsManda

My sister didn't go to playgroup but did go to dancing lessons, swimming and drama lessons. She quite often (seemingly randomly) burst into tears and declared she didn't want to go yet when my mum took her regardless, within 5 minutes she was fully engaged and fine.
My aunt and nan thought my mum was cruel and when my cousin (same age) did the same my aunt said she didn't have to go. Now as teens my sister is outgoing, has loads of different interests and makes friends easily whereas my cousin has no interests, is incredibly shy and never leaves the house without her mum (she's taken to and from school).

I think it's just something all kids go through, especially if their routine is disrupted (my mum said I did the same).

I won't comment about the male carer except to say that I very much doubt that he is a problem.

do_it_today!

I just did a long post and lost it so just to summarise thank you for your responses I recognise that My sensitivity could be completely unfounded and irrational which is why I'm sounding them out here in the safety of mse. And also to check whether my ds response is normal which it sounds like it is...
I remember the VG case which makes me EVEN MORE NERVOUS as I cannot trust anyone! I do recognise its a good opportunity for my ds to have as many Good male role models as possible (However perpetrators how ARE caught are more likely to be male). I want to see if I can volunteer to get to know the staff better and am not about to start making wild accusations. Yet at the same time I am entitleed to explore the situation and feelings that come up for me.

Thanks for giving me some perspective.