Shoud SAHMs be paid?

shinydriver

I wish we were paid. I was planning to go back to work but had part time hours refused and can't afford childcare for full time (I would be bringing less than £2 an hour home)

I currently do a few bar hours per week but I'm struggling to make ends meet and it is starting to get me very down that I am no longer an equal bread winner.

Unfortunately tax credits are not a huge help to us. *sigh*

rosy

Firstly, I don't mean to offend anyone who isn't a SAHM/D by this post , I know that for some people there is a genuine need for both to work for various reasons and that's fine, but there's not a fair playing field at the moment ( financially or socially )to allow that choice to be made freely.

I'm not suggesting that those who stay at home to look after their family should be paid a proper salary by the government. Our family obviously have less to spend with just one income coming in, but I do feel ,like others who have posted, that a lot of what is seen as financial necessity is really "I want" these days rather than "I need", and so much of what really matters has no monetary value at all. However, at least allow the tax allowance to be passed on to the working parent. I do think also that it would be fairer to give the SAHM/D an equivalent payment to that given to working parents for childcare.

This would help go a little way to raising the status of the SAHM/D to be seen as a worthwhile job in society's eyes ( I know many of you here have said it is, but from personal experience this is not what the vast majority out there think - I've lost count of the times people have asked me when I am going to get a job, said both nicely and more bluntly, as if what I have chosen to do as my unpaid job isn't important. The SAH adult IS contributing to the economy and to society. When someone is at home full time there are many pressures taken off the working partner - surely this means they will be less stressed, more productive in their work, be off less etc etc? And also there has to be more time available for helping with the children's education, and so on. I know I'm generalising here, but I know I work as hard at home as when I did a paid job and I just wouldn't have been able to do all the things I do now which makes life better for us all if I was working in a paid position outside the home).

Would making SAHMs and working Mums equivalent in status not benefit society in the long run in other ways? I know all the incentives are given by the government to get everyone back out to work but there may be an underlying price to pay for encouraging this idea that it's better for everyone if everyone is out working in a paid position.

moggins

lebly wrote:

by Moggins


I work hard looking after my children in the week and have worked just as hard finding a job that fits in. It is out there if you try!

And yes perhaps you are right I am not sorry if it offends. Theres is that old saying "if the Cap fits!".

There are alot of people out there who have manged to find a little bit of work to help pay and they all have young children and there are many more who will do the same.

Perhaps I have not explained myself well enough or perhaps you are just being a little bloody minded here.

I'll give you the complete scenario then! DH works a three week rota system which means none of the days he works ever fall on the same week, he works two weekends out of the three, one of the weekends being days the other one nights from Friday to Sunday. Hence I can never ever rely on him for childcare.

My son is 13 but suffers from Aspergers Syndrome and needs constant reminding to do even the slightest task and is often up 4 or 5 times in the night. As I'm on my own most nights I have to get up to sort him out. I could get after school care for my DD who is 5 but where do you get childcare for a 13 year old? I could claim DLA for him but because of his problems we are so isolated that no one knows him well enough to help with the application plus we manage well enough without it.

My parents are elderly and also need my help, if I was working then this help would no longer be available to them, they would have to get extra help from the state or go into a home?

On top of this everybody is thinking that they are suddenly paying extra money for parents to receive CTC and WTC. This is a falacy, all that the government have done is to remove previous tax allowances, like the married mans tax allowance, the childrens tax allowance etc and repackaged it to make it look like we are getting a better deal. What they've done is taken away a womans right to choose and made it look as if we are lazy if we don't get up off that hospital bed 2 seconds after giving birth and head back to our little jobs.

I worked for 20 years before having DD2. Before the children I worked as a legal secretary speciialising in Family Law. After the children I took whatever I could that fitted in, shelf stacking, bar work etc. Now with DH's strange hours and no family to help out all I am seeing in job adverts (yes I have looked) are the wonderful words "must be flexible". It's never about them being flexible to us.

So my input must be unpaid and mocked! I cook everything from scratch, walk for hours to find the best prices for everything, grow our own fruit and veg, repair all our clothes, knit, mend the car, do the decorating, plumbing, plastering, laying carpets, etc etc on top of being everything else you have to do to be a mum. If DH had to pay me a wage for being his wife he couldn't afford me.

daphne_descends

Moggins I don't think you have to justify yourself to anyone! Is there a more important job than raising children?

I am only 6 weeks pg but I hope that OH and I can afford for me not to work. But I worry that like you I'll feel tremendous guilty at spending any of 'his' money. I expect if I stop working altogether that it will be tough as anything, I don't plan to do it for the easy life, but for the benefit of my child.

My mum was a single parent and worked three part time jobs and I admire her more than anything for it. I just hope that 26 years later I can have a choice - unlike her.

dlb

Well said Moggins.
If we added up everything a stay at home mum does the cost of employing someone to do this job would be amazing.
Cleaner,ironing and washing service,personal shopper,taxi service,cooker,gardener,decorater,childminder,mechanic,accountant,window cleaner,teacher,waitress,hairdresser,party organiser,beauty services the list is endless.
But we do choose to do this, and it makes me so mad that we are looked down on because we dont have `a proper job`.

daphne_descends

And as an aside just because I saw it mentioned elsewhere in this thread, I recruit staff and wouldn't dream of rejecting an applicant because they had children!

shellsuit

Originally Posted by shellsuit
Lone parents ~ No

They can claim benefits as they are a lone parent so why would/should they need a salary?

SAHM with a partner who works ~ Yes, a small payment to help with the costs of bringing up a child/children would benefit the parents.

catowen wrote:

I dont see why a lone parent should be penalised. I am a lone parent whos partner agreed for me to be a SAHM, and then 2 months later ran off with another woman once i had given up my chance to carry on working.
I had to go on benefits (no childcare) and to be honest, unless it has changed in the last 5 years, i definatly wasnt being paid to stay home, when i started work again, i was heavily in debt - due to just paying to live - i dont smoke, didnt drink, go out (which now causes problems as my DD is incredibly clingy, and doesnt want me to find a boyfriend) or any of the other things that single mums often get accused of doing.
As soon as my DD started school, i trained to be a childminder, which i still do and will continue doing until both my children are old enough to stay on their own whilst i work. Im not much better off than i was on benefits, but i am home and available for my children at all times, and feel that i also do a good job enabaling other parents the choice to work.
I am proud that i work, but even prouder that i am also a SAHM - a job too many people belittle, but it is an important one and for most, hugely rewarding and although i dont expect any extra money for doing this 'job' (work out how much childcare, cleaning, cooking etc would cost if a SAHM couldnt do it, i know a lot of mums/dads do do this after doing a full days work as well, but being home all day, does make more mess than no one being there!!!!) i dont object to the concept, even though i probably wouldnt qualify as i do work from home.

I'm a lone parent on benefits at the moment and I still say No

I've had the partner leave too (we were both working before that) and the debt (I had to go BR in October).

Maybe if the kids Dad stuck his hand in his pocket, I wouldnt have to claim

Pooky

Another SAHM here and I wouldn't have it any other way - I don't think there should be a "wage" for SAHM's.

I'm happy to live the life we lead, being frugal where possible and enjoying family time when and where we can, I wouldn't swap it for the world....I like knowing that meals are made from scratch, that I'm here if the kids need me, that I can help out at school when they need help, that I can have a clean and tidy house for them to come home to...These things aren't so important to some people and that's fine, I won't judge you - you don't judge me.


I won't say "I'm lucky" to be a SAHM, I've gone without to make sure that we live our lives the way we want...It was a concious choice made before conception and we as a family have made it work.

bambam_2

dlb wrote:

If we added up everything a stay at home mum does the cost of employing someone to do this job would be amazing.
Cleaner,ironing and washing service,personal shopper,taxi service,cooker,gardener,decorater,childminder,mechanic,accountant,window cleaner,teacher,waitress,hairdresser,party organiser,beauty services the list is endless.

Working mum's have all this to do as well remember.

Roz_V

There seem to be 2 different interpretations of "paying" SAHM's here:

1) paying them a wage (12k a year or whatever)

2) giving them the same childcare benefit/allowance as working mums

Personally I think the first idea is asking for trouble. It would, whilst benefiting many families, also encourage those with less scrupulous morals to breed in order to get some money for "nothing"

The second idea I think would work well. This way those who choose to work can afford the care for their children, whilst those who choose to stay and look after the children themselves would receive a little recognition and some money of their own (albeit only a tiny amount) so that they need not feel guilty about spending their OH's money