Shoud SAHMs be paid?

thriftmonster

Pooky wrote:

I won't say "I'm lucky" to be a SAHM, I've gone without to make sure that we live our lives the way we want...It was a concious choice made before conception and we as a family have made it work.

Well put, Pooky. As a SAHM for the last 21/2 years - worked parttime before that - I don't care whether individuals work or not - that's their choice - but what really annoys me is the concept that "I'm lucky" to be at home. I work very hard at being OS and money saving to ensure that I can be at home full time and I hate the fact that society in general has absolutely no respect for SAHMs.

nickinoo

I don't think SAHMs should be paid a wage. I stayed at home for the 1st 2 years of my daughters life then took a job working evenings so my husband could take over the childcare.

I get angry at people who say they have to work when in fact they don't have to, they choose to work so they can fund their lifestyles. Before you have a go at me that is exactly why I work (well I enjoy adult company too!), we don't have a fancy lifestyle but we do OK.

I really think the removal of the married couple allowance was a bad thing, I benefitted from this whilst my husband was a student & I know if he had this allowance now things would be easier for us.

pinkpie

I agree nickinoo - if people want to work they should just say - I won't judge.

I know someone who spent her whole maternity leave justifying her financial need to return as she couldn't make ends meet, could hardly eat etc.

In reality she had 1 child, a very high waged husband & a gigantic detached house. She returned to work because she hated being at home and that's fair enough, I respect her choice but it's people like that who do the rest of us a disservice when we really are trying hard to make ends meet so we can raise our children.

I have been at various times a SAHM, a full time student with children, a part time worker with children and a full time worker with children. No option is perfect and all have pros and cons for both Mums and children.

What I will say is I've never worked as hard as I have being a SAHM but then the rewards are high too :-)

culpepper

If SAHM's or Dad's were paid to stay home ,how soon would it be before the government were checking us out to make sure we were all complying with the accepted ways of bringing up our kids?
There would be the check to make sure we had kids in the house and weren't pretending, then to make sure they were our kids, then that we were spending our money with our kids best interests at heart etc..
As a homeschooler I have heard this arguement used when anyone suggests the Government tell LEA's to fund us..and I think the same would be true of SAHM's.
My father was out of work for 5 years in the 70's and hated having to fill in forms about every little thing so that we could have school dinners and a school uniform allowance. If the government are paying the piper, they call the tune.

dlb

bambam wrote:

dlb wrote:

If we added up everything a stay at home mum does the cost of employing someone to do this job would be amazing.
Cleaner,ironing and washing service,personal shopper,taxi service,cooker,gardener,decorater,childminder,mechanic,accountant,window cleaner,teacher,waitress,hairdresser,party organiser,beauty services the list is endless.

Working mum's have all this to do as well remember.

I know and have nothing but respect for you working mums and dads out there, i just wish us sahm got the same respect that you rightly deserve.
I am one of the sahm who belive we shouldnt be paid.

nearlyrich

I have been a SAHM, a single parent SAHM, a working single parent and a remarried working mother, my ex left when I was 7 months PG with number 2.

I went back to work because I couldn't pay the mortgage on benefits and my ex was totally irresponsible and paid minimum maintenance after lots of court appearances.

I have great respect for all parents, it's not an easy job to do well and I think the biggest problem reading between the lines is that some of the people who are at home looking after children instead of going to work and earning money under value their own contribution to the family. If you have made a decision for the good of your own family to be at home bringing up the children, doing the housework you owe it to yourself to be proud of your decision and not to feel guilty for spending your "husbands wages", ask him if he feels bad about wearing one of the clean shirts you ironed for him or tucking into a lovely dinner that you prepared for the family, I think not!

We are damned if we do and damned if we don't these days, you can't please everyone so just please yourself and the people who matter to you.

hgbels

I am a part time SAHM, and I work for two reasons
- 1 - so I can have 'time off from the kids' and they can enjoy nursery.
2 - so I can do nice things with them when I am off without worrying about money.

But, because I work we don't get CTC or WTC - so I get nothing towards childcare etc .

If I was to give up work we would get CTC -- this would increase DH income, which would mean I was in effect being paid to be at home.

As CTC is a means tested benefit I miss out currently - in the old days we would have have the married couples allowance. I don't mind this as I still think it is daft that couples who have loads of money/income still get child benefit

Helen

lebly

hi moggins as I explained before was not having a go at you. There are those yes like yourself (which wasnt fully explained) who are completley unable to get a job and I do sympathise, but my point was at those who can and wont and I know a few of those. They continually drain down and have a go at their partners etc but will do stuff all to get off their bottoms and do anything about it. Extra money like this just makes it worse for those of us that can and do try to juggle it all. The more of us that do the more emloyers see that yes women/men with children are a valuable asset.

We work hard, we juggle many tasks at a time and see all of them through to the end. If the government starts throwing more money at sahm/d and discourages the return to work part time or whatever fits around family life it will make it harder for sahm/d to get back into work when they are able to.

I live in an area where money is thrown straight at teenages etc who have babies they are given flats the works and live a better lifestyle than families who work and try to do their best! It does make me angry.

I thought I had it hard with the health problems of my three but you have my genuine applause and respect for what you do for your family.

black-saturn

I'm a SAHM but that doesn't mean I don't work. My children's lives have never been effected by my work and I never work when they are off school. Having said that I don't think you should get paid for being a stay at home mum. I think you should just do it anyway, there arn't any conditions to it.

Essex-girl_2

A poster stated that having children is a lifestyle choice - I dont think that is strictly true I think it would be incredibly sad if a couple decided not to have children because they couldnt afford it. When my partner was employed his basic pay was £200pw, if someone could have told me how to live on that using os ways I would have jumped at it. Bearing in mind we live in the South East and it is very expensive to live here. I personally beleive that being at home with my children is the best thing for them. I dont dispute that working mothers have to do the same chores as sahm and I am amazed and admire the fact that they do do this. I also do not have problems with working mothers - it just wasnt for me.

We are both now s/e and are both at home for our children we are very lucky although there are drawbacks to being self employed.

Another fact is that the birthrate in the UK is dropping and this has serious longstanding financial implications. If I went back in time I dont know if I would have children, not because of finances but because I am concerned about what sort of world we are bringing them in which is why we are starting to think about emigrating.