Bridesmaid hell...

MrsShawToBe

elvis86 wrote: »

Entering into a marriage where neither partner has any friends of their own outside of the marriage sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

Also, way to assume. I do have friends outside the marraige, but like i have said, they're far away, and I'm hoping to move back up closer to them.

And to assume my OH doesn't have any, when I haven't mention that. He does have friends, and a few of them are performing at our reception. So well done for getting that wrong.

MrsShawToBe

At the end of the day, I know I'm mature enough to handle marriage, my family know I am, and thats all that matters.

For all I know, you are purpously writing hurtful things to get at me. So I'm just going to ignore anything else now. I ask for advice, and I get abuse. Nice huh.


Thank you to the genuine helpful replies xx

elvis86

If you're off work with stress and depression, and this will be excaberated by strangers giving opinions on a scenario you have shared online....perhaps you shouldn't have started the thread asking for people's opinions?

I don't understand what you wanted? For everyone to reassure you that your bridesmaid was childish and out of order? Of course she was! Nobody disputed that. But personally, I think the root cause of you encountering such problems is likely to be that you don't invest enough efforts into forming and maintaining friendships. Anyone who did would not have landed themselves with a bridesmaid that wouldn't speak to them!

As for insults, aside from questioning the maturity of your responses and actions, I can't see that anyone has hurled insults at you? Perhaps your lifestyle choices have rendered you a little over-sensitive?

MrsShawToBe

I find being called childish insulting.

And as to putting enough effort into keeping her friendship, what do you suggest I did? Sit outside her house until she wanted to come out? Ring her constantly just to ask how she is?

You don't know me, and I understand that you only know as much as I tell you, but over the years, I have put a hell of a lot into our friendship. It was always me to arrange things, always me to go pick her up if her dad couldn't drop her off, always me instigating conversations. I invited her round to my house and even offered to drive and pick her up and drop her off for us to have a girly night in, and I got no response.

At the end of the day, I have said many times now, that I have made my decision not to have her as a BM or a friend after whats happened.

I would appreciate this thread to be stopped now. The issue I raised when I began this thread has been sorted, it has now turned into you and others having digs at me (" anyone who put enough effort into forming and maintaining friendships wouldnt end up with a BM who wouldn't speak to them") dispite it not being my fault.

Also, I should just say, this girl is like this with anyone, and most people gave up on her and I was her only friend, like genuinly only friend. I do have other friends, granted not as close, but I can call them up and ask to meet for coffee if I had the time. So she's ended up worse off I guess. I stood by her with her ignoring my texts, calls, visits for years, and I guess this has just really made me see the light I should have known when she chose her boyfriend over me last year.


But please, leave this now.

elvis86

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

Also, I should just say, this girl is like this with anyone, and most people gave up on her and I was her only friend, like genuinly only friend. I do have other friends, granted not as close, but I can call them up and ask to meet for coffee if I had the time. So she's ended up worse off I guess. I stood by her with her ignoring my texts, calls, visits for years, and I guess this has just really made me see the light I should have known when she chose her boyfriend over me last year.

More fool you then! You should've given up on her years ago and focussed your attention on people who deserved your friendship.

If you're only 20 and she's been ignoring you "for years", how old were you the last time that the friendship was actually normal and you got anything from it? I could maybe understand someone 10 years older than you flogging the dead horse of a friendship formed at university or something, but if this girl last showed you respect when you were 12 then you should've ditched her a long time ago!

MrsShawToBe

I know I should have, but I was stuck in the whole 'having a best friend to rely on' and was trying to make something of it.

Was a few years ago, probably at college that she last kind of was bothered, but even then it was me making the effort and she still wouldn't turn up etc.


But yeah, I've seen the light now.

PolishBigSpender

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

I find being called childish insulting.

You've got a full right to be childish, God knows I was at your age!
Changing your number was childish, according to me. I can't see what's so insulting about it.

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

I do have other friends, granted not as close, but I can call them up and ask to meet for coffee if I had the time.

You said yourself that you don't have any other friends.

I'm sorry if it offends you, but I would advise any of my friends in your situation to wait for at least few years.
Of course some people manage being married so young, by why do it if you don't have to?

MrsShawToBe

I don't have any other close friends, or friends around me.

And what do you mean by 'my situation'? I'm in a loving relationship, own my house, why would I wait? Plus we won the majority of our wedding and have to take it in 2012.

And why wait? If we have the opertunity to get married now and know we want to be with each other forever, why put that off if we can do it now?


I don't understand why you've turned this thread into a 'don't get married for a few years'?? Even if we did postpone, we'd still be in the same situation. Getting married isn't going to change our jobs, isn't going to change where we live, isn't going to change anything like that.

johannalf88

Just wanted to say I think it is great that you are doing what you want to do. I am 23, have been with my fianc! since I was 16. I have no close female friends, I grew apart from my best friend when I went off to uni, an the few male friends I have are not close by. This means I have no friends I can really call in for a girls night out etc, but I do not miss it. I know that the people I can count on are my family, and I am lucky enough to be adding to my family.
The only time I have wanted a 'girl' friend in the past year was to see Twilight (blame SiL2B for getting me to watch the first one.... Shameful I know...) but I would have happily gone alone- in the end SiL2B went with me!
I don't think I have changed that much since 21, and I know If he asked me then I would have said yes. The only difference is we are making a bit more money now! So don't worry too much OP.