Bridesmaid hell...

stir_crazy

Sorry elvis86, I dont think this thread is a debate about whether the OP has friends or not.The OP asked for some advice about a troublesome bridesmaid, yet that's twice now you've questioned her about the state of her friendships then given her some useless advice about postponing her wedding. Who are you to say she shouldn't celebrate her love for her fiance until she gets herself a social life?

PolishBigSpender

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

But dad did also day that you only text chalie really when its something about being a brides maid with the wedding like showing her dresses, and you havent let her be involved in anything else so feels like she shouldnt be one. Also dad said that shes frusted cos with seeing each other the last few times chalies maid the effort to work out with dad how she can get there and back and then last min you canceled on her.

To be honest, I can also see why this girl is upset with you. Maybe you two should actually talk face to face?

Little_Moo

Have a think about it is exactly that you yourself want from your wedding day. Relax and let the other things wash over you. One of my bridesmaids was very fussy about her dress, asking for alterations etc - at first it wound me up, but I had some great advise that told me to just let her get on with it - it doesn't really matter as long as you have the wedding that you and your partner want.

The most important thing is that you are happy :-)

PolishBigSpender

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

I've blocked all contact with her now, changed my number etc, I want nothing to do with her if thats what she thinks of me.

You're only 20? I really don't want to be mean, but it really horrifies me that such young people are getting married.
My cousin will be 20 in February and honestly, I can't imagine her getting married any time soon - she's still such a kid!

As for your friend - now you're just both being childish and actually, you've got a right to be like that, so don't worry about it. You'll get new friends.

Debbiecatal

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

You're only 20? I really don't want to be mean, but it really horrifies me that such young people are getting married.
My cousin will be 20 in February and honestly, I can't imagine her getting married any time soon - she's still such a kid!

I'm sorry but I don't think it horrific that someone is marrying at 20. Everyone is different. I got married at 18 and will celebrate my 33rd wedding anniversary in June. I wasn't too young at 18 - I knew exactly what I was doing and it was right for me. My daughter is 26 today (Happy birthday Catherine!) and will get married in September - she wasn't old enough at 18, and 26 is right for her.

Good luck in your wedding.

PolishBigSpender

Debbiecatal wrote: »

I'm sorry but I don't think it horrific that someone is marrying at 20. Everyone is different. I got married at 18 and will celebrate my 33rd wedding anniversary in June.

I'm sorry, but times are changing. There's so much more to do and see now. My grandma married in her early 20s - it was right after the war, and that was the done thing then. An unmarried 30 year old was a spinster!
My mum got married aged 25, after graduating from the university, as did most of her friends. But only few of my friends married right after graduation. I got married aged 29.
I have friends from different age groups, some in their early 20s, and none of them is thinking about getting married, they are all about university, career, travelling and getting work experience, also meeting people and having fun.
And the OP behaviour doesn't seem very mature. I wish her all the best, as probably does elvis86, I'm just trying to make her think if this is really the best thing she can do right now. After all, if this is the one, he will be there in 5 years just as well, right?

stir_crazy

As you say, you are entitled to your opinion, but personally I think there is no relevance between whether the OP has friends and the way that the bridesmaid has behaved.

Age does not necessarily equal maturity. I think almost everyone knows or has known somebody who acts immaturely. I know a woman who has behaved exactly this way and worse, spitting the proverbial dummy out when she doesnt get her own way and lying to get herself out of situations. This woman is in her 30s and I used to work with her.

To me, you are trying to blame the OP for seemingly alienating her friend. Yes, she should have found time to phone her up and ask how she is doing. But as another poster says, communication goes both ways, and the friend could have told her this herself without the need for chinese whispers. Any true friend would.

elvis86

stir_crazy wrote: »

As you say, you are entitled to your opinion, but personally I think there is no relevance between whether the OP has friends and the way that the bridesmaid has behaved.

Age does not necessarily equal maturity. I think almost everyone knows or has known somebody who acts immaturely. I know a woman who has behaved exactly this way and worse, spitting the proverbial dummy out when she doesnt get her own way and lying to get herself out of situations. This woman is in her 30s and I used to work with her.

To me, you are trying to blame the OP for seemingly alienating her friend. Yes, she should have found time to phone her up and ask how she is doing. But as another poster says, communication goes both ways, and the friend could have told her this herself without the need for chinese whispers. Any true friend would.

But it is true and relevant, that if the OP had proper close friends, she wouldn't have found herself asking someone who treats her like that to be her bridesmaid. She would have had a choice of friends and asked someone who would be honoured and would be a big support to her on her big day.

I'm not excusing the friend at all, she sounds like a pathetic little girl who the OP is well rid of (though the changing numbers course of action seems a bit uneccessary when the issue was the friend not contacting the OP - sounds a bit childish tbh). My point is that it's concerning that this was the only person the OP felt able to ask (aside from her sisters).

Maybe I'm blessed, but I'm afraid can't accept that it's normal or healthy for anyone, let alone a 20 year old woman, to have no friends. I'm sorry, but I just think that's really sad.

MrsShawToBe

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

To be honest, I can also see why this girl is upset with you. Maybe you two should actually talk face to face?

Yeah I could see that too... if what she said was true! But its not! Hence me being annoyed, and calling quits on the friendship!

And, as I've said, I'm the one who went round to her house, and she was the one who acted like a child, shouting saying that she wasnt coming out or her room to her mum! She didn't even say hello to me or acknowledge me going. Dispite knowing its a good 20 miles out of my way.

MrsShawToBe

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

And the OP behaviour doesn't seem very mature. I wish her all the best, as probably does elvis86, I'm just trying to make her think if this is really the best thing she can do right now. After all, if this is the one, he will be there in 5 years just as well, right?

I'd like to know how I'm immature. My 'friend' is the one locking herself in her room refusing to speak to anyone.

I have a full time job and I own my house. I think I'd need to be somewhat mature to handle that.

Maybe its coming across immature the way I've had to go about things, but if asking her sister is the only way to find out, then surely that was the best thing to do. Before you say 'you should have spoken to her'.. I've already said, I've tried everything.


I cannot be bothered with her anymore, I've already said that.
If you want to keep throwing insults at me calling me immature and judging me for getting married at 21 (I turn 21 in March) then go ahead, I really don't care as I know whats right, and so what if 'times are changing'. Love doesn't change.

I don't understand why it is so concerning that I have no one else to ask for bridesmaids? Are you suggesting I just ask any female friend I have despite not being as close to them?

I do have friends. I just don't see them often.

I chose my life this way, I'd much rather have my house, have time to set up for a family.

I'm not a party girl. I'm a family woman. I've grown up in a big family and all I've ever wanted was a family. I'm hoping to move back up near my parents as I know more people up there and will be able to have 'more of a social life'. As I said before, I can't at the moment due to my working hours, and distance from home that I work.



But please, carry on throwing the insults, knowing full well that I'm off work with stress and depression, and knowing you will make me feel SO much better.