Bridesmaid hell...

elvis86

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

Should have known. Just spoke to her sister and she said this:

im not sure if she wants to be one i couldnt tell you that. seen as im not here i dnt find out alot. but from what my dad said last night after she went to bed. I think shes slightly annoyed cos when you became friends again you said youd accept leon etc and two mins later you said you was getting married and would she be a bridesmaid... kinda looks like you had a alternative motive to be her friend. But tht could have just been my dad saying that. But dad did also day that you only text chalie really when its something about being a brides maid with the wedding like showing her dresses, and you havent let her be involved in anything else so feels like she shouldnt be one. Also dad said that shes frusted cos with seeing each other the last few times chalies maid the effort to work out with dad how she can get there and back and then last min you canceled on her. ...... btw this is all what my dad said i cnt say this is what chalie thinks cos iv not heard it from her



Her sister is lovely and luckily I can speak to her.

But after that I've just sent her a message telling her she's welcome at the reception, but I no longer want her as a bridesmaid or at the wedding breakfast.

And she's your best friend?! Seriously, OP, give it UP! Never mind best friend, even if (as it sounds like) she's your only "friend", ditch her! Get new friends.

You have to ask her sister, who had to ask her dad, who had to ask your best friend, how she feels about being your bridesmaid?! It sounds like you're arranging a 9th birthday party, not a wedding!

Going by this and your earlier thread (where you said you and your OH were having no friends at your wedding "by choice"), it sounds like you actually have no friends..?:( You seem like you're quite young (as your "best friend" is [STRIKE]12[/STRIKE] 20), so this really concerns me. Why do you think it is that you have no friends?

If what (I think) her sister said is true, and you did just reconcile with this girl in order to have a token "friend" as a bridesmaid and not look like a loser, and you only ever contact her to discuss your wedding, perhaps I can understand her being annoyed? Two sides to every story I suppose...

MrsShawToBe

We are having no friends at the meal, not the ceremony and night do. We have plenty of friends coming to the night reception

I'm 20, 21 in March. And I have no friends as I left for Uni and went to London and lost contact with my friends here, then when I came back, all my good friends at Uni were miles away obviously. Add to that the fact me and OH live 40 miles from any of our friends now, and we work 8-5 Monday-Friday, and the weekends we spend with family, its hard to have time for friends. (we work 45 minutes away from our home so by the time we have tea etc, its too late)

I didn't just talk to her because of it. Knowing I was getting married was part of it, but it wasn't just that. Why would I want someone in my wedding photo's who I didn't care about?


I've blocked all contact with her now, changed my number etc, I want nothing to do with her if thats what she thinks of me.

Thanks girls x

74jax

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

We are having no friends at the meal, not the ceremony and night do. We have plenty of friends coming to the night reception

I'm 20, 21 in March. And I have no friends as I left for Uni and went to London and lost contact with my friends here, then when I came back, all my good friends at Uni were miles away obviously. Add to that the fact me and OH live 40 miles from any of our friends now, and we work 8-5 Monday-Friday, and the weekends we spend with family, its hard to have time for friends. (we work 45 minutes away from our home so by the time we have tea etc, its too late)
what do you on weekends, do you never go out with friends? would you not go for a meal after work etc?
I didn't just talk to her because of it. Knowing I was getting married was part of it, but it wasn't just that. Why would I want someone in my wedding photo's who I didn't care about?


I've blocked all contact with her now, changed my number etc, I want nothing to do with her if thats what she thinks of me.

Thanks girls x

You have changed your number so your bestfriend, who does not answer your calls, NEVER calls you and does not text, can not contact you. You did not do that.

I think it is a shame though your friends do not feature in any of the 100 day guests.

MrsShawToBe

My work is 20 miles from any of my friends. Basically I'm very isolated. I go to bed around 10pm every night, if not earlier, as I suffer from extreme tiredness.

I changed my number as I don't want to deal with any of this anymore. Shes made it clear she doesn't want to be my friend or she would answer my calls or texts. I have said what I had to say, and I don't want to be involved with anything else now.

I don't have 100 day guests. We have 35 guests to the meal. Anyone is able to attend the ceremony, and the night reception we are having around 150 guests including friends.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I've sorted this now, thank you for your help. x

globetraveller

that was a quick change of number! Perhaps too quick- you may have others going to the wedding who might try to phone your old number. It just seems a pretty drastic thing to do - especially when you are in little danger of this person phoning you anyway. might be an idea to let guests know about your number change( assuming they had your old number of course.)
You really sound stressed out and thats not going to help your extreme tiredness. I hope you have a good time picking dresses next weekend- make a day of it and have lunch somewhere nice as well. Just have fun!:)

RainbowDrops

What's most concerning about this thread now is not the BM sittuation, it's the fact that the wedding planning in general seems to be getting you really stressed.
Maybe you need to take a step back and look at why you're causing yourself so much stress?
While wedding planning is rarely all plain sailing, it shoulnd' be a struggle at every decision.
Maybe simplify things - are you trying to do too much at once?

MrsShawToBe

On the invites it has both me and my partners phone number, and I've texted everyone my new number so thats alright

I don't think its just the wedding thats causing me stress. Before it was this and the BM dresses causing me stress but now its just my 2 sisters then I don't have to worry about 'rounding them up' to go get some. The suits are stressing me out as we can't afford to hire 5 more suits at £80 each, and OH's parents aren't bothered about the planning at all, are refusing to help out money wise, and he won't even pay for his own suit like my dad and uncle are.

Work has messed me about, and when I called in ill this morning and she asked what was up, all I got was 'oh, ok' really unsympathetically. I'm not happy in the department I'm in, and was promiced a move, and because my OH works in there they've now done a u-turn (they previously said this wouldn't be a problem, and said they know I would be awesome in there but they can't risk us both being off if our car broke down etc, yet they encourage car sharing and theres sometimes 5 people car sharing.. what if they broke down!?)

I'm frustrated with money, my mums told me not to worry and have a few days off work to sort my head out even though I can't afford to really, but she's gonna help out with the wedding anyway.

And to top it all off, my car got a flat tyre on the way home last night

RainbowDrops

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

I'm frustrated with money, my mums told me not to worry and have a few days off work to sort my head out even though I can't afford to really, but she's gonna help out with the wedding anyway.

I think this is great advice.
It seems like you're letting everything stress you out.
Having a few days to re-assess everything will hopefully help you put things into perspective with work, money, wedding planning, and life in general. It'll give you a chance to think about what things are really important, and what you can try to let go.

MrsShawToBe

Exactly. Thank you x

elvis86

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

We are having no friends at the meal, not the ceremony and night do. We have plenty of friends coming to the night reception

This isn't the impression you've given in your other posts?

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

I'm 20, 21 in March. And I have no friends as I left for Uni and went to London and lost contact with my friends here, then when I came back, all my good friends at Uni were miles away obviously. Add to that the fact me and OH live 40 miles from any of our friends now, and we work 8-5 Monday-Friday, and the weekends we spend with family, its hard to have time for friends. (we work 45 minutes away from our home so by the time we have tea etc, its too late)

Forgive me for saying, but this doesn't sound like much of a life, especially not for a 20 year old..?:(

Really? That's it and you're happy with your lot? No friends, no social life, married at 21 and in a cycle of work, home, bed, work, home, bed? I'm inclined to say postpone the wedding if it's causing you so much stress, and get a social life and some friends whilst you're young enough to enjoy it.