Bridesmaid hell...

MrsShawToBe

It was just the fact that he/she was making it out that I hadn't already tried those things.
It just felt patronising.

Sorry if I took it the wrong way, but this is really stressing me out, along with other things, and its making me ill

I don't really know what I do. I guess just 'knowing' I have a best friend? Even though it seems I don't

74jax

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

It was just the fact that he/she was making it out that I hadn't already tried those things.
It just felt patronising.

Sorry if I took it the wrong way, but this is really stressing me out, along with other things, and its making me ill

I don't really know what I do. I guess just 'knowing' I have a best friend? Even though it seems I don't

aw look its ok, you must really stressed over it, I think the poster was just meaning to try a home number as her mum is likely to answer.

Not everyone has best friends, and thats not a bad thing. My OH has lots of friends, no BEST friend, whereas I have 4 close friends and not so many others. I do not think either one of us is right, it is just how we are.

I think you have been very patient and do not think there is anything else you can do. Your friend can not alway take a back seat and have you run and fuss over her, friendships are two way.

It us very sad when we feel friends are not there for us, it almost makes you feel lonely, if that makes sense, but I do not think you can contact her anymore, she knows you have called and text. If she wants to get in touch she will. x

White_Sapphire

FWIW, I would have felt patronised by globetraveller's post too; although no doubt well meant, it did read as though (s)he assumed you wouldn't have thought to call instead of text at some point.

OP, I understand how sad it can be when a friendship becomes less close, or has run its course entirely. Hopefully there is still a friendship there to be worked on, and this is just her being too scared to admit that she does not feel comfortable being a bridesmaid, for whatever reason. If not, it's better that you know where you stand.

It's good that you're giving her a deadline re being a bridesmaid, as otherwise this would just drag on and get worse.

You do appear to have an absolute diamond of a sister though, which is more than some people I know could say

x

McKneff

To be honest, I cant believe you have nt got the message by now, she doesnt want to answer you because she doesnt want to have contact with you. She doesnt want to be your bridesmaid, she is hanging it out to stress you out, she really doesnt want to know.

Got the message now. I certainly would, just move on,

Best friend, youre just kidding yourelf, friends dont do that to each other.
My best friend and me, well, i would walk on fire for her, and i am 100% confident she would do the same for me, no messing.

Just ignore her, forget the bridesmaid bit, if she turns up for the wedding, tell her to do one for disrespecting you so much which is exactly what she is doing.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

MsShopper

OP, from what you've said about your BM's behaviour, my first thought is that she may suffer from anxiety/depression. She might be petrified of being a focus of attention, but not feel able to admit that to you.

It doesn't excuse her behaviour towards you, of course, but it might explain it. Just a thought anyway...

stir_crazy

OP, from the sounds of things she's a pretty flaky friend anyway. If you choose to continue the friendship, thats fine, but if this was my BM I would leave a message and say that I wouldn't like her to be BM any more as she's unreliable. She cant even get back to you about shopping for dresses - what will she be like on the day when you'll need her for support?

If she does suffer from anxiety or depression she should have mentioned it when she said yes to being a BM or gotten in touch with you about it if it started since then. If you are very good friends she should be able to talk to you about any problems.

MrsShawToBe

The sad thing is, she is really my only friend. My other 'close' friends have just compeltely ignored me now I moved away. At least she kind of had some contact.

What I don't understand, is I asked her sister for her number as I got a new phone and only her sisters updated, and she text straight away, yet now she won't.

I think that was a bit harsh Mckneff... I don't think she's doing anything like that on purpose. She's not a bad person, I just genuinley think shes scared. But I'm going to send her a message today relieving her of her duties.

I was up all last night tossing and turning with a huge migraine over this, now I'm off work today and I'm going to the doctors this afternoon as I can feel myself slipping back into depression and stress

MrsShawToBe

Should have known. Just spoke to her sister and she said this:

im not sure if she wants to be one i couldnt tell you that. seen as im not here i dnt find out alot. but from what my dad said last night after she went to bed. I think shes slightly annoyed cos when you became friends again you said youd accept leon etc and two mins later you said you was getting married and would she be a bridesmaid... kinda looks like you had a alternative motive to be her friend. But tht could have just been my dad saying that. But dad did also day that you only text chalie really when its something about being a brides maid with the wedding like showing her dresses, and you havent let her be involved in anything else so feels like she shouldnt be one. Also dad said that shes frusted cos with seeing each other the last few times chalies maid the effort to work out with dad how she can get there and back and then last min you canceled on her. ...... btw this is all what my dad said i cnt say this is what chalie thinks cos iv not heard it from her



Her sister is lovely and luckily I can speak to her.

But after that I've just sent her a message telling her she's welcome at the reception, but I no longer want her as a bridesmaid or at the wedding breakfast.

bufflebear

OP you need help

MsShopper

Oh MrsShawToBe, that's a real shame. Whatever her personal issues might be, this girl sounds very petty and immature in the way she handles things – not someone you can rely on during your big day. And certainly not worth you suffering stress/depression.

I hope you can put it behind you and focus on all the positive things about your wedding day.