Bridesmaid hell...

pearly77

Oh dear!!! Sounds like a nightmare. You would be well within your rights to tell her that she's not being a BM anymore. Poor you.

Daeny

That doesn't sound like a lot of fun.

I feel a lot of sympathy but I also wonder if she just doesn't know how close she is to being cut? I know you said that you've asked her if she wants to be a bridesmaid but I also found myself in this situation a while ago. A lady I went to school with asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was surprised but said yes, and just let life carry on as normal. I turned up to the wedding fayres and bought the dress but didn't really make any additional attempt to be more "in touch" as I had assumed the way I already was would be fine as she had asked me to be a bridesmaid... about a month before the wedding I got a call from her in tears asking if I even wanted to be her bridesmaid. She was worried because I hadn't been texting and asking how this was going or calling and having weddingy chats with her. To be perfectly honest, I had no idea that was what she wanted from me, so her upset came out of the blue.

We sorted it out though once we both knew what the expectations were.

Perhaps you could try some better contact. Face to face preferably but over the phone is better than text because she will be able to hear how upset you are and will take you seriously.

I hope you manage to work it out - let us know how it goes!

McKneff

Just send her a text saying that as you havent heard from her you can only presume that she doesnt want to be a bridesmaid, give her a week to reply, if she doesnt then just go ahead with out her.

Her fault, personally i wouldnt even cal her a friend if she treats you like that.

MrsShawToBe

Thanks everyone. I guess when written down, her behaviour does come across kind of childish Its just that we've been best friends for over 7 years, been through a lot, and only in the past few months got speaking again after falling out at the start of 2011 over her boyfriend at the time.

I've sent her texts saying we're off BM dress shopping next weekend, then another saying where and that we can give her a lift, and then on facebook too. Its impossible that she hasn't got the messages.

I know what shes like though. She is like this with nights out when we were in college. If she didn't want to go, she wouldn't text or reply, she'd just not turn up.

I am going to text her tomorrow night saying if I get no reply by Friday night then I'm going to assume she doesn't want to be a BM and I will be taking her off. I can't go on not knowing and worrying she won't even turn up

Too much stress Causing me to actually get ill!

74jax

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I guess when written down, her behaviour does come across kind of childish Its just that we've been best friends for over 7 years, been through a lot, and only in the past few months got speaking again after falling out at the start of 2011 over her boyfriend at the time.being a bridesmaid is a HUGE honour, the fact that you have only just started talking again and you have asked her, you would expect her to be cockahoop.

I've sent her texts saying we're off BM dress shopping next weekend, then another saying where and that we can give her a lift, and then on facebook too. Its impossible that she hasn't got the messages.Like you say, it IS IMPOSSIBLE, so she is ignoring you. I would not send any more.

I know what shes like though. She is like this with nights out when we were in college. If she didn't want to go, she wouldn't text or reply, she'd just not turn up.I guess then she does not want to go, I would leave it.

I am going to text her tomorrow night saying if I get no reply by Friday night then I'm going to assume she doesn't want to be a BM and I will be taking her off. I can't go on not knowing and worrying she won't even turn up Don't send any more, yiu have your answer, the more you pander to her the more it will drag on. It can come across as desperate and you cant be desperate to want someone like her as bridesmaid.

Too much stress Causing me to actually get ill!

Even if she got the dress, I see stress leading up to the wedding. Bridesmaid are there to help the BRIDE, to take to stress off YOU, to make things easier.

globetraveller

What is it with texting all the time? Just phone her up. You need to actually speak to her. From what you said, you haven't tried that yet. Preferably phone the house one, and not the mobile. If you do phone the mobile- keep phoning until she answers. You can also set your mobile so that it doesn't display your number to your caller. Just get it sorted and stop faffing about. If you are scared to actually speak to her then it must tell you something. But remember, some folks, although its an honour, are absolutely terrified of the responsibility so..... you don't want to speak directly to her, and she doesn't with you. Its not really a perfect match is it?

balmk

Your bridesmaid should be someone that is dependable, reliable, and can be there to support you. Unfortunately, it sounds like your friend doesn't fit any of these criteria. Perhaps she is overwhelmed by the request and doesn't know how to articulate it, or perhaps she just doesn't want to do it.

Either way, save yourself a world of hurt and stress and find someone else as you are going to have 1,000,001 other things to be organising and the last thing you want is someone who you have to do all the chasing for.

MrsShawToBe

globetraveller wrote: »

What is it with texting all the time? Just phone her up. You need to actually speak to her. From what you said, you haven't tried that yet. Preferably phone the house one, and not the mobile. If you do phone the mobile- keep phoning until she answers. You can also set your mobile so that it doesn't display your number to your caller. Just get it sorted and stop faffing about. If you are scared to actually speak to her then it must tell you something. But remember, some folks, although its an honour, are absolutely terrified of the responsibility so..... you don't want to speak directly to her, and she doesn't with you. Its not really a perfect match is it?

Don't patronise me.

I have tried calling her. She doesn't have a house phone. If I keep calling her phone, she turns it off, or has it on silent so she isn't aware it's going on. Like I said, I've known her 7 years, I know what she's like with it.

MrsShawToBe

74jax - we are buying the dresses this weekend coming, which is why I need to know. Thanks for all your input, I agree completely. I feel like I need to give her chance to reply, her sister is passing the message on so I know she's gonna get it. Then I'll message her tomorrow saying I need to know now, or she's getting left.

balmk - I agree. I don't think she actually knows that being a bridesmaid is more than looking pretty on the day. I've got my younger sister as my head bridesmaid and witness (she's 19) and she's really full on with it all and has been since we found out we won. She's wanted to come dress shopping, been into the shop on her own to look at my dress, sorting my hen night out, and just text saying shes managed to get the day off work next Saturday so we can go get the dresses


Everyone has made me realise that its not a case of her being a BM cause shes my friend, its a case of me dropping her because she's not fullfilling her role.

She even bumped off a quick trip to the bridal shop for me to show her my dress, to go food shopping with her dad..

74jax

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

Don't patronise me.

I have tried calling her. She doesn't have a house phone. If I keep calling her phone, she turns it off, or has it on silent so she isn't aware it's going on. Like I said, I've known her 7 years, I know what she's like with it.

I do not think it was patronising to suggest calling a landline, we had no idea she did not have one.

If she switches the phone of when you call, does not let you in her room when you go round and does not reply to texts what do you get out of the friendship? It is a genuine question because I would not waste my time.