Boys into Ladies Toilets

Zara33

I use the disabled toilets actually because my son is disabled! just to clarify my original post.

stas4949

izoomzoom wrote:

Hiya

Don't know where to post this, so please feel free to move it if necessary.

My son is nearly 8 and I have been worried about this age because it is edging closer to the point where it will no longer be appropriate for him to visit the ladies toilet with me.

I am loathed to let him go into the men's toilets as I can't protect him there, but know there will come a time when I will have to let him.

What do others think about this / done with their own children ?

In answer to the original poster do what you feel is right for you regardless of everyone elses points of view. There's lots of very good advice on this thread so wether you stand outside the mens, keep taking him to the ladies or use the disabled toilet the choice is really up to you and what you are comfortable with. Hope you have found an answer.

Nicki

zoeleigh wrote:

There is no issue with 7 year old boys using the ladies, what the original post is about is once they get to 8 and they are supposed to use the mens. Can I just ask what you will do when your son is 8? (This is a genuine question not meant in any way to have a dig)

I wasn't aware of any rule that said boys had to use the mens at age 8. Where does this come from?

If at age 8 I felt he was OK about using the mens (and I think he would be fine TBH) then I would do what others do, and send him in with instructions not to talk to anyone, and to come straight out if anyone tried to talk to him. I would probably advise him to use the cubicle and would also wait for him outside within earshot. If I felt there was a problem with him using them alone, I would continue using ladies with him until I felt he was ready, and I doubt anyone would ask to see his birth certificate!

Oobedoo, I hope the comment about being nasty wasn't directed at me. i haven't to the best of my knowledge been nasty about anyone in this thread or any other. All I have done is to make people look straight on at a hard issue (and one which most people don't like to think about) and to think about what their actions mean to someone else. The disabled don't have a voice in this society, or not as loud a one as the able bodied population, and every now and again someone needs to stand up and be counted about what it right and wrong. I think there were some people who hadn't thought at all about the rights and wrongs of using the disabled, who maybe now will think about this, and if this is the case, then good will have been done - and that is not ASAIK in any way against the ethos of the board.

vik6525

Ok, Im gonna kinda sit on the fence here, but also try and bring it back to the original topic too... Depending on where we are, I do let my son use the mens room. However, there are times where I absolutly insist on him using the ladies room with me, or, failing that, I do whip him quickly into the disabled bathroom (if theres no queue!). This has nothing to do with perverts etc, its simply to do with the fact that a lot of the public lavs where we live are well known to be places where drug users and dealers 'meet'... However, If we happen to be in a department store, then yes, he can use the mens (hes 7 btw!). Same as if we happen to go to the pub for lunch, there is no way on earth I would let him use the mens room in a pub, so i take him into the ladies. Anyway, Im rambling now.. I think what Im trying to say is that you let your kids use whatever loo seems the best in the induvidual circumstances..

seven-day-weekend

From reading this thread, I think the answer is to have more family toilets, where either parent can go in with a child of any gender.

Or maybe all toilets should be unisex, with all cubicles instead of just urinals.

I don't think someone with an able-bodied child should use disabled facilities unless it is also the changing room.

My son started going on his own to the mens' at about 8, I told him to go into a cubicle, do what he had to do and come straight out and if he wasn't out in a few minutes I would come to get him.

On the rare occasions I had to use public facilities while he was in a pushchair I would take him out of the chair and take him in with me.

Zara33

Nicki wrote:

I wasn't aware of any rule that said boys had to use the mens at age 8. Where does this come from?

I think and someone correct me if i am wrong but i would imagine it is something similiar to the situation regarding swimming pools. If a boy is over 8years old they are not allowed in the female changing rooms, regardless if that child has a disability or not. So what do you do then well actually we were told to change in a disabled toilet.

Not all swimming pools have family cubicles

Nicki

I may get beaten about the virtual head but the worse thing that can happen is that somebody either wets themself or poo'ed, on the other hand if a child went into the mens toilets and was physically or sexually assaulted....what is more damaging....it's not a hard one.

I often have to wait for womens toilet and a one of my relations has stress incontinence, she can't jump to the front of the queue can she?She has to wait.

I think that we should all remember that people have hidden disability, so the people that you might demonise could be as entitled to use that facility.

My life is hard enough thanks without regularly having to clean up an older child's wee and poo in a hostile environment for no good reason. It may not be a big deal to you, but it is to me.

If you genuinely think there's a risk of sexual assault you take the child with you to the ladies, or you find a more suitable toilet - eg in a restaurant. I don't know how many times to repeat this. At what age do you feel that boys are past the age where they are susceptible to assault - will they still be using the disabled when they are 17 and still technically under the age of consent?

Why can't your friend who has continence problems use the disabled facilities, or ask to go to the head of the queue? Disabled doesn't just mean in a wheelchair - it means that you have a medical condition which needs to be accommodated - either a learning difficulty or a physical impairment. Those who have continence problems such as colitis or urinary incontinence are entitled to use disabled loos (and if they are embarrassed they can get little cards showing they are entitled)

I am very aware that not all disabilities are visible. My DD looks like an angel and her disability isn't very visible until you watch how she behaves for a few minutes. I wouldn't abuse someone, or demonise them as you put it, for not looking disabled but as I have said before if I saw a mum waiting outside a disabled loo for a child, I would be asking her whether her child was disabled, and pointing out to her the problems she was causing to others.

Unknown1234_2

Nicki wrote:

then I would do what others do, and send him in with instructions not to talk to anyone, and to come straight out if anyone tried to talk to him.

QUOTE]

So how is your child ever going to leanr that people do speak to you without having bad intentions. Im sorry if this is offensive but to me it seems that you are bringing your child up thinking that everyone but you, is a bad person.

Nicki

Zara33 wrote:

I think and someone correct me if i am wrong but i would imagine it is something similiar to the situation regarding swimming pools. If a boy is over 8years old they are not allowed in the female changing rooms, regardless if that child has a disability or not. So what do you do then well actually we were told to change in a disabled toilet.

Not all swimming pools have family cubicles

But in changing room women are stripping off naked in a communal room (usually) whereas in a toilet they are just disappearing into a smaller cubicle, then emerging and washing and drying their hands in public. I don't really feel the same issues apply!

Zara33

Nicki do you speak to everyone that uses a disabled parking space when not entitled also?

I know it's way off topic but i'm just curious?