Boys into Ladies Toilets

Nicki

Melissa_Hewett wrote:

So how is your child ever going to leanr that people do speak to you without having bad intentions. Im sorry if this is offensive but to me it seems that you are bringing your child up thinking that everyone but you, is a bad person.

Not at all. My child is allowed to speak to anyone in a safe situation, but ASAIK its not usual for men who don't know each other to strike up friendships over a urinal for non-sexual purposes. Its a question of teaching what is appropriate for the circumstances - like its fine to show your mum and dad or a doctor your private parts if there is a problem with you, but not the man next door who asks you for a quick peek!

Zara33

Nicki i'm sorry but you are taking the disabled toilet issue way to personal, it happens it might not be correct but it happens.......... i would rather a child used a disabled toilet if they felt uncomfortable.

Unknown1234_2

Nicki wrote:

Not at all. My child is allowed to speak to anyone in a safe situation, but ASAIK its not usual for men who don't know each other to strike up friendships over a urinal for non-sexual purposes. Its a question of teaching what is appropriate for the circumstances - like its fine to show your mum and dad or a doctor your private parts if there is a problem with you, but not the man next door who asks you for a quick peek!

when is there ever a safe situation! anyone could be rapists or a murderer, even the doctor could be a pedo!

I did not say "friendhsips" i said speak to, they may say "are you alright?" as a caring father knowing that he might be nervous on his own.

I do not feel that you are teaching what is appropriate for the circumstances to your child. It sounds as though you have wrapped the child in cotton wool.

Nicki

Zara33 wrote:

Nicki do you speak to everyone that uses a disabled parking space when not entitled also?

I know it's way off topic but i'm just curious?

Its never come up in that I've never seen someone walking away from their car in a disabled spot, and we don't actually have a blue badge because my daughters disability doesn't affect her walking, so maybe I would be less inclined to notice this. If I do spot someone parked without a badge though, it annoys me, and I wouldn't under any circumstances park in a disabled spot myself.

It just a question in my view of treating others how you would like to be treated yourself in the same situation. If I were disabled, it would cause me big problems if someone non-disabled parked in the only disabled spot, so I wouldn't do it to others.

In answer to your question, if I saw it happen, I probably would say something (not abuse but something more constructive). As you can perhaps guess from this thread, I am quite passionate about disability issues

morlandbanks

jordylass wrote:

My sons 11 now and being going in on his own since he was about 8. Do you all think gay peadophiles are hanging around public toilets waiting for little boys?

When my husband takes our daughter swimming, she goes in the boys with him. I wouldn't let her go in the girls by herself until the same age I'll let my son go in the boys alone. I don't think this is just about 'nastly men hanging around in toilets'. It's about allowing your child to go into a place where they're going to be naked among strangers. I feel uncomfortable myself in the gym sometimes when I get too much attention from someone when I'm changing. Our gym only has one private cubicle, so it's not always possible to have privacy. I wouldn't want either of my children feeling nervous about getting changed. So until I feel they're old enough they'll stay with me/hubby. The age limit at our gym is 7, so after that if hubbys not around I'll have to que for the family room because I won't feel ready to let DS into to boys alone at that age.

looby75

Nicki wrote:

I am very aware that not all disabilities are visible. My DD looks like an angel and her disability isn't very visible until you watch how she behaves for a few minutes. I wouldn't abuse someone, or demonise them as you put it, for not looking disabled but as I have said before if I saw a mum waiting outside a disabled loo for a child, I would be asking her whether her child was disabled, and pointing out to her the problems she was causing to others.

sorry but if you asked me if I was entitled to used the disabled toilet you would be told to mind your own buisness. (and fwiw yes I am, sometimes I am in so much pain with sciatica I can't bend or twist my body so need the extra space and the bar to hold onto to use the toilet) I know it can be a big problem to wait to use the only disabled loo but there is no way in hell I would justify myself to a stranger in public or expect anyone else to justify themselves to me.

3plus1

To be honest, I hate it when little boys come into the ladies' toilets! I'm not having a go at any of your children, but in my personal experience, where I live, whenever the boys use the ladies toilets they miss the toilet bowl completely and never bother to wipe the seat clean. A lot of the time they go into the toilet stalls with their mums, and their mums don't bother to clean up either, which I find even worse, as surely an adult would realise it's disgusting to... everywhere and not clean it up for the next person. I've also had little boys look under the gap between the stalls and stare up at me, which now means I now point blank refuse to go into a stall next to one where there are small children inside. I don't care if it's a little boy, I have no desire for anyone to look up at me when I'm sitting on the toilet fiddling with a tampon. When I'm on the toilet, I have a right to privacy.

I've never seen a man go into the ladies' with a little girl, but I wouldn't have a problem. That said, I doubt any would be brave enough to try.;)

I hope I don't offend anyone, I just thought I'd throw in a non-mum viewpoint!

Nicki

looby75 wrote:

sorry but if you asked me if I was entitled to used the disabled toilet you would be told to mind your own buisness. (and fwiw yes I am, sometimes I am in so much pain with sciatica I can't bend or twist my body so need the extra space and the bar to hold onto to use the toilet) I know it can be a big problem to wait to use the only disabled loo but there is no way in hell I would justify myself to a stranger in public or expect anyone else to justify themselves to me.

Looby I never said I would ask an adult if they were entitled to use the disabled loo, I made clear I am well aware that I know not all disabilities are visible, and also that I never hurl abuse at people.

What I said, if you read it again, was that if I saw a mum hanging around outside a disabled loo for a child I would ask her about her child's disability - not confrontationally, just ask, and tell her about my child's needs. It really isn't difficult to do this when you are standing there with a disabled child because it comes up very naturally in conversation.

Ninety nine times out of a hundred, mum will be in there with the child to help if they are genuinely disabled. If they are not in there, its a pretty good sign the child is able bodied, and when mum realises that a disabled child is in distress that's when they become mortified. Its not a question of seizing people and demanding they justify their need for a disabled loo, just a question of gently making them aware that others have more pressing needs for the same facilities.

We are talking about needs here (at least I am). I don't use disabled parking spaces because my child though disabled doesn't need them atm, though strictly speaking she does meet the criteria for applying for one. I therefore leave these free for those who do need them, and feel that these people are entitled to expect that this should be the case. We do use disabled loos because she does need these, and again I feel it is reasonable for those who don't need to use them to leave them free for those who do - and that it is reasonable to expect them to do so.

I've said it before, but will say it again - I am amazed that people are so upset by this concept. At no time have I said send your child into a grotty loo to be abused by paedophiles, I've offered a range of perfectly workable, acceptable solutions to what is clearly a problem for people, and merely asked people to have consideration for those in greater need than themselves. I am clearly missing something major about why this has caused such a major furore.

Zziggi

Smashing wrote:

Disabled stalls are not like disabled parking spaces - they are not "disabled only." They are disability-accessible. Big difference.

I think this is a very good point. I will continue to use the disabled toilets, but obviously if there is someone with mobility probs who needs the space, i would give them priority.

THis is a very good point.

Unknown1234_2

I think we are moving off the topic, that the 8 yr old should or shouldnt be going into the ladies toilets anymore