Am i being selfish

ska_lover

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Thank god i am not the only person who can see sense!

I for one hate all this soft soaping when it comes to parenting! Okay, so mums get down sometimes.... deal with it! I had a HORRIFIC time when i was pregnant and then left alone to deal with my new baby all the while having to shield us both from my violent and abusive ex - i went back to work part time when my baby was 7 months ( i now know i certainly wasnt ready as it hadnt been 18months!).... I didnt have time to sit around and mope about the hand life had dealt me. I just got on with it... thats not to say i didnt have the odd night where i would be so tired, lonely and upset that i put on Sleepless in Seattle, shoved a bumper bar of Dairy Milk into my gob and cried my eyes out!!!!!

I just wish that people would stop making excuses for laziness of this kind! Without getting into a whole debate, there are FAR too many parents out there saying they find it so much work being a parent that they cant do ANYTHING else..... why is the take-up for benefits so high i wonder.........?

Here here! or is it HEAR HEAR? lol

twiglet98

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Did they just say "well, i have one child so i am going to sit and watch them all day and do NOTHING else around the house because being with my child in a room is a full time job"???

They certainly didn't go to the coffee shop and spend their limited resources on scratchcards and ridiculously high mobile phone bills.

She sounds lazy and rather silly - at 26 she isn't a kid any more, she needs to grow up and take responsibility for her budget.

She will be getting £20 per week Child Benefit if nothing else. This basic lack of honesty, and the fact you know so little about her, flags up all sorts of alarms. You really do need to talk - was your relationship very different before your child arrived?

jellyhead

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

(I am going to bet that she isnt making homemade sensory playdough, encouraging mark making in readiness for literacy and playing outside in the rain to ensure she can tick a Forest School box)

Why would you bet this? I agree with the gist of your post, but not this bit. Of course stay at home mums do all of that! They also go on courses, take children to toddler groups (although most mums seem to enjoy that sort of thing, but in my case I was going because my youngest child adored it and I didn't really like it myself), do home baking with children, read stories (owl babies a hundred times a day, anyone?!) and take them swimming, gymnastics, music groups, tumble tots, baby sign language, the wacky warehouse, art gallery and museums, etc.

I spent so much time at the farm that the staff and the bus drivers knew us by name

I know what you mean, that stay at home mothers should be able to fit in the shopping, cleaning and cooking - but some working parents seem to think that SAHMs just sit around drinking coffee and watching TV all day, so I went into rant mode

This man should be able to come home from work and just play with his baby, most days. I just wondered if his wife might be ill, that's all.

Not letting him take the baby out himself sounds odd to me. When I had postnatal depression I used to think weird irrational things, and make a fuss about stupid stuff like not trusting him to bath the baby. I think deep down I felt like I wasn't very good at motherhood, and persuading myself that the baby needed me made me feel needed, if that makes sense. Looking back I can hardly believe how the PND affected me. I wasn't myself, and I made my OH's life very difficult.

If she is depressed then that's something that might be helped by seeing the GP, or at least talking about it.

bigmomma051204

jellyhead wrote: »

Why would you bet this? I agree with the gist of your post, but not this bit. Of course stay at home mums do all of that! They also go on courses, take children to toddler groups (although most mums seem to enjoy that sort of thing, but in my case I was going because my youngest child adored it and I didn't really like it myself), do home baking with children, read stories (owl babies a hundred times a day, anyone?!) and take them swimming, gymnastics, music groups, tumble tots, baby sign language, the wacky warehouse, art gallery and museums, etc.

I spent so much time at the farm that the staff and the bus drivers knew us by name

I know what you mean, that stay at home mothers should be able to fit in the shopping, cleaning and cooking - but some working parents seem to think that SAHMs just sit around drinking coffee and watching TV all day, so I went into rant mode

This man should be able to come home from work and just play with his baby, most days. I just wondered if his wife might be ill, that's all.

Not letting him take the baby out himself sounds odd to me. When I had postnatal depression I used to think weird irrational things, and make a fuss about stupid stuff like not trusting him to bath the baby. I think deep down I felt like I wasn't very good at motherhood, and persuading myself that the baby needed me made me feel needed, if that makes sense. Looking back I can hardly believe how the PND affected me. I wasn't myself, and I made my OH's life very difficult.

If she is depressed then that's something that might be helped by seeing the GP, or at least talking about it.

I take your point but in my defence, i was talking about the OP's partner (if u can call her that) not SAHM's in general. I work in a childrens centre so yes, i KNOW lots of mums who love to do all those things with their kids. I also know that generally speaking, the "type" of mother who goes and sits in a coffee shop for hours with their mates, (whilst not doing anything in the home to make it nice for their children and rest of family) lies about their income to their partner and spends every penny they get on scratch cards and mobile phone bills is probably NOT the kind who would be planning fun, age appropriate activities and child themed jollies for their child! Sorry - i get that you have taken offence BUT i WAS only talking about the OP's Mrs.

sukysue

She's a lazy lying cow and you have been stupid enough to get her pregnant.You poor fool. Fell for the oldest trick in the book and now reaping your reward. Seek help from her mum and your parents or friends you need help and a bit of backbone .GOOD LUCK! She sounds like a nightmare.

jellyhead

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Sorry - i get that you have taken offence BUT i WAS only talking about the OP's Mrs.

I didn't really take offence. I've got a cold and am quite grumpy today, sorry!

It's possible that this woman is just being selfish and lazy, it was just the comment about not letting him take the baby out at the weekend that made me think that perhaps there might be something wrong with her mental health. Personally I am always happy for my husband to one or both children out with him, I had a lovely lie-in this morning

pelirocco

Gigglepig wrote: »

Twice you mention that you are "helping" with housework. Does this mean that you see it as your gf's responsibility?

IMO you are not "helping" your partner by doing housework, you are just doing your share. If you want to "help" her you would need to do your share AND some of her share, if you see what I mean

Looking after the little one is probably a full time job in itself, and maybe your gf finds it really stressful that you don't have your own home.

He is working full time , so he is doing his share ! Its not unreasonable if one works for the other one to look after a child and do the housework and cooking etc etc

Its what we did , and I had 4 children to look after

paddy's_mum

No, OP, you are not being selfish but you are being taken for a fool!

mucklebones

So her life which involves looking after her daughter full time is crap? Nice. Since when has taking her to the park or out for a walk cost money? Seems you are a devoted Dad who works hard and its all not enough for her. She lies and wont let you have time alone with your daughter.
You should sit with her and call tax credits and child benefit say you been researching and this is what we are entitled to so lets try and get it sorted. Meehh I said we ... you dont seem to have the couple bit quite sorted yet.
My partner works I look after our disabled daughter, I get done what I can at home so we can spend the rest of the time being together. What I dont get done he helps with when he gets home. Its so easy to involve young children in housework even if they just sit and watch when very young.
People like her !!!! me off ...just take everything for granted.
She sounds like a bit of work goodluck OP I think you might need it.

globetraveller

Tell her she has your blessing to find a full time job and you will childmind. She will soon stop whingeing. Might be an idea to see her payslip though