Am i being selfish

rambo29

Im 30 and my gf is 26 and we have a 7 month baby girl. i work full time whilst she stays home and looks after our daughter. she lost her job before falling pregnant so she tells me she is only recieving £40 a month benefits because of my wage. we live with her mam who recently seperated from her husband so couldnt afford the cost of living in the house hence why me and gf moved back in. between me and her mam we pay mortgage and bills then i pay for all baby stuff so she can use her money on paying her phone bill each month. wen im home from work i do what i can to help around house and spend time with daughter before bed but this is only for a few hours. on weekends i do my own washing and ironing and cleaning parts of the house to help yet my gf has now said she has had enough of me doing nothing for her, wont let me take my daughter out alone because ive not shown anything for my gf to trust me with her. ive also paid for an all inclusive holiday which she wants me to cancel as she says we cant afford it. my gf complains her life is crap because she is stuck at home all day and has no money to do anything. Am i in the wrong and being selfish or does my gf need to take alook at how good she has it.

flutterby_lil

I bet it is hard living with the mother in law, I would suggest getting your own place with gf and daughter.

She probably feels like she does all the childcare through day as you are at work. Can she not get a part time job and use you or mother for childcare or use a nursery for a couple of days a week so your gf is out and feeling like a part of the community and bringing money into the house.

Your gf will be getting at least £80 every 4 weeks for child benefit plus any JSA/IS she claims (if indeed she does).

CH27

She should be getting £20 per week Child Benefit.

sassyblue

How good does she have it? She's stuck living at home with her mother and a young baby (and as much as l love my son it can be boring at home all day). However, if she's bored she needs to get out for a walk and find somewhere to go - toddler groups at local surestart centre, libraries, walk with a friend? they're all free!

As for the benefits bit, child benefit is £80 per month then what about tax credits??

jojo_2012_2

Don't know what your wages are, but you have to earn a fair bit not to get child tax credits, as well as the child benefit.

Maybe you guys should do a cleaning rota so you can see who does who, but I think it's pretty strange for a couple to have separate washing to be honest, maybe you could take it in turns each week.

In my household when we're both working we split everything 50:50 though I'd rather cook. Now I'm on maternity leave I do all the housework and he goes out to work. I'm still earning as I'm on occupational maternity pay, we split the bills.

I can't understand why she wouldn't let you take your own child out though, that's just hurtful?

Gigglepig

rambo29 wrote: »

wen im home from work i do what i can to help around house and spend time with daughter before bed but this is only for a few hours. on weekends i do my own washing and ironing and cleaning parts of the house to help yet my gf has now said she has had enough of me doing nothing for her, wont let me take my daughter out alone because ive not shown anything for my gf to trust me with her.

Twice you mention that you are "helping" with housework. Does this mean that you see it as your gf's responsibility?

IMO you are not "helping" your partner by doing housework, you are just doing your share. If you want to "help" her you would need to do your share AND some of her share, if you see what I mean

Looking after the little one is probably a full time job in itself, and maybe your gf finds it really stressful that you don't have your own home.

busiscoming2

On the face of it she looks like she is being selfish. Have you always lived with her mum or has it been since job loss/baby/mum's separation?
I find it strange you have to do your own washing and ironing and cleaning your part of the house. I am all for sharing but it sounds to me more like you are living in a shared house.

Why does your gf not trust you to look after your child on your own?

Hovel_lady

Link to see if you can claim tax credits:

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/payments-entitlement/entitlement/question-how-much.htm

Mojisola

Gigglepig wrote: »

Twice you mention that you are "helping" with housework. Does this mean that you see it as your gf's responsibility?

IMO you are not "helping" your partner by doing housework, you are just doing your share. If you want to "help" her you would need to do your share AND some of her share, if you see what I mean

Looking after the little one is probably a full time job in itself, and maybe your gf finds it really stressful that you don't have your own home.

If both partners are working, it's fair to share the housework. If one is at home all day, that person should be doing the bulk of the cleaning, washing, shopping, etc.

whitewing

If you are doing your own clothes washing and ironing, you may feel that you are doing your share, but actually you are looking after yourself, and there is the implied criticism that you don't trust her to manage the tasks. My son's dad used to do that, ensure that he had enough work shirts ironed for the next week, but never ironed a single blouse for me.

jellyhead

Is she depressed?

When my 6 year old was a baby I had things easy really, and my husband did a lot of what most stay at home mothers would find easy to fit into their day, but at the time it felt like constant stress and everything felt really 'hard'.

I'm wondering about the money situation too. What does she claim? Child benefit is £20 per week if you have 1 child, so she should be getting that as long as you are not a higher rate tax payer.

There's tax credit too. I used to get £40 per month until my husband got a pay rise. There are two types of tax credit I think - the 'family element' which I got, and the 'child element' which you get if your wage is lower than the threshold.

Try putting your wage in the entitledto website and see if there are benefits that your gf didn't know she could claim. http://www.turn2us.entitledto.co.uk/