Am i being selfish

rambo29

i do her ironing that im allowed and our daughters but she dont like me ironing her dresses and certain stuff. i clean the kitchen and our room whilst her mam cleans everything else so its not as if she has loads of cleaning to do. she isnt always stuck at home as she meets friends up the coffee shop or she goes and sees her family that live just round corner. im out at work from 6am-6pm mon-fri.

rachbc

Mojisola wrote: »

If both partners are working, it's fair to share the housework. If one is at home all day, that person should be doing the bulk of the cleaning, washing, shopping, etc.

Erm why? I presume she is at home to proivde the childcare for their daughter which , if she was working, would cost them £40 per day. And for that the child minder/ nursery staff don't do washing, shopping or cleaning!

Household task are the joint responsibilty of the couple, as is childcare when he is not working!

podperson

I don't think you are necessarily being selfish but it sounds like you and your gf are struggling a bit to pull together at the moment. While it's great that you're supporting them and helping out as well I would say you're perhaps underestimating how much hard work it can be to take care of a small child all day. A lot of people can feel overwhelmed and even depressed, especially if they don't get out or feel like they have any kind of life of their own anymore.
Could you sit down and have a talk with her - see what you would both like the other to do to improve things. Could you encourage her to go to a baby group or something during the day - if you look for places like Surestart they often run free or very cheap ones. Do you do anything as a family at weekends - even if just going to the park or a walk to get her out of the house. Could you watch the baby for a few hours while she met some friends for a coffee. If she's feeling more happy and positive then you might find things improve generally.

Mojisola

rachbc wrote: »

Erm why? I presume she is at home to proivde the childcare for their daughter which , if she was working, would cost them £40 per day. And for that the child minder/ nursery staff don't do washing, shopping or cleaning!

Household task are the joint responsibilty of the couple, as is childcare when he is not working!

For heaven's sake, whoever is the principal child carer can cope with housework as well! A single child doesn't need one-to-one focused attention every minute of the day. In fact, it's good for children to be involved in all the day-to-day tasks involved in keeping a home running.

If the child carer was coping with half a dozen children like nursery staff or a child minder, then the housework wouldn't be so practical.

lindsaygalaxy

From someone who is a similar age with young children, I would say she is probably lonely and bored. Looking after a child can be exhausting, and the times when they sleep, you just wanna sit and have a cuppa! I also think she is very lucky, when my youngest was little, my ex expected me to do everything! I think you need to go out together, have dinner or a drink and talk - mother in law can babysit. Discuss stuff like housework and who does what. I now work part-time and on my days off I try to do all the housework as my partner is working full time, but the days I do work he helps with the housework and cooking. I dotry to make sure he empties and takes the bin out though:) Check you are getting all the money you are entitled to. If she lost her job (and not sacked) she should be able to get job seekers. Unless you are a high tax payer you should be entitled to tax credits. Money when babies come along is a common problem! Does she want to be a stay at home mum? If she doesn't, encourage and support her to find a job. Work out all the money coming in, what you have spare after bills and split it. It's not really your (and your gfs) job to pay her mums mortgage - pay a reasonable rate for rent, bills etc, but you should have some money left for yourselves too.

rambo29

i do pay alot of money to help her mam out because it was upsetting my gf alot. i try to get her to do stuff as a family or go out just the two of us but she just says we cant afford it but then she will go to the shop and buy unnessacery things and wastes money on scratch cards (dont know how when she says she has no money).she says she has started looking for part time work but i dont think she is has she has also said she would be tired more if she was working on a night. i earn £22000, she was sacked from her job but it was under investigation when we met then sacked so i dont know full story.

Scrapaholic

I've read some good advice on here for you + you say things like , you don't know how she pays for scratch cards + you don't know if she's started looking for part time work . In the nicest way , why aren't you talking to each other , working out a plan to improve things + talking about how you can budget for the holiday . I know how hard it is to have time together when you have a busy family life but communication is so important in a relationship .

notakid

rambo29 wrote: »

i do pay alot of money to help her mam out because it was upsetting my gf alot. i try to get her to do stuff as a family or go out just the two of us but she just says we cant afford it but then she will go to the shop and buy unnessacery things and wastes money on scratch cards (dont know how when she says she has no money).she says she has started looking for part time work but i dont think she is has she has also said she would be tired more if she was working on a night. i earn £22000, she was sacked from her job but it was under investigation when we met then sacked so i dont know full story.

You're had a child with your GF and don't know the full story?

It seems that you don't trust her and feel resentful that she doesn't pull her weight,(understandable, if she is with the child all day and doesn't do housework) maybe, because you live with her Mom she is resorting to acting like a child?

The real concern tho is the trust. Why don't you trust her?

lindsaygalaxy

I dont think she will be able to claim job seekers but you are and should be getting tax credits. If she decided to go back to work it would also increase to help with childcare (if over 16 hours). https://www.entitledto.co.uk. You need to apply sooner rather than later as they will only backdate 3 months. As a couple with a child I am unsure why you don't know how much money you are both getting? Also, if you work ft, you shold be on around 1k a month minimum and I would hope this is not all going to her mum, as long term this propbably wont work. I know youre trying to help her mum out, but what happens when u want your own family home? Is her mums ex/ her dad still on the mortgage and he will be getting the rewards? Is her mum working?

piglet74

she could be depressed? even bored, fed up, and missing the outside world and adult conversation