Child with Behavioural difficulties

FBaby

I have all my sympathy with your trouble as I can imagine how troubling it must be to feel so helpless with your child. I hope you get all the support from the professionals to find a way to ease your child's internal pain. However, I really fail to see how his condition should justify you getting more financial income.

You say that you are working, have adjusted your working hours and will continue to work, therefore you are not losing out because of your child's behaviour. Every working mum has limitations in regards to work because of having children, that's why so many work part-time rather than full-time, why should you be compensated because your child has behaviour issues rather than other needs for which DLA doesn't provide for?

You talk about music lessons, money for him to go to the cinema....surely that's what your get Child Benefit for, and maybe tax credits? Every children, behaviour issues or not benefit benefit from these activities. Very bright children need to be challenged, shy kids need to be given the opportunity to go outside and socialise, but you can't claim DLA for this.

In the end, you have nothing to lose applying, but I find it incredible that you could be entitled. I suppose this is why the governement claims there is only .5% fraud with DLA, that's probably because just about everyone who would even consider applying actually gets it....

kidcat

FBaby - the difference is that "normal" kids can attend local groups and clubs without support, whereas the child in this case would be unlikely to be able to attend. Having run childrens groups for many years I would not have been able to have this child without him having extra support - there is a cost for that.

skipsmum

Hi,
I think you definitely need more help than you are getting - follow up some of the other posters ideas to get more support. Try not to be disheartened by posters who obviously have no idea of what you are going through.

RE the CEA card, my son has walking difficulties uses a wheelchair when its cold. He doesn't get DLA but his consultant wrote a note for CEA and he got a card, so you don't have to recieve DLA to get one.

Skint_yet_Again

Hi, I just wanted to say I know how you are feeling. You could be describing my son. He had problems at school and social functions from a young age and they got worse around age 11 when he went through early puberty, shot up in height above all other kids and his voice broke. He had the mind of a child in a 16 yr old body.

We too went to Camhs and Child & Family Therapy both of whom dismissed him as "normal". He was excluded so many times I lost count. Despite trying punishment at home (grounding/removal of priviledges etc), rewards for good behaviour, nothing worked and I felt it was my fault and felt I was a terrible parent. Luckily my employers were very understanding and I made time up or took holidays to cover time off. I did not get any financial help, and had to fight for any school support for my son. He eventually got help in his final yrs at school through MABS - Multi-agency Behavioural Support which the school finally arranged after much pushing from me, and I finally got help through CAMHs after phoning them sobbing following yet another violent outburst from him, and they gave me counselling called Non Violent Resistance(NVR).

My son is now in college, has adjusted really well to the change and has not had a violent outburst for about a year.... I am sure this is partly due to the help he had from MABs and partly from him maturing. But not all kids "grow out of it" and so you need to continue to push for help not just for your child but also get some support for yourself too.

Candy53

I agree about getting the Educational Psychologist involved. He, and a special needs social worker who worked with him helped with our son alot, and not only at school but with us as a family, and, they have alot of clout.

Good luck,
Candy

budgetboo

Having had a similar battle to get help with my own child I have a few suggestions:-

1/ Get thee to the mumsnet special needs forum fast! A total wealth of knowledge on all sorts of sens from the standard asd and adhd to very rare genetic conditions that affect behavior. Some really good professionals (salts, sencos etc) also post on there with advice from time to time.

2/ How the hell has your child got to 11 without seeing a developmental pead? These are the most useful child medical bods as they see conditions such as sensory processing disorder and asd which cahms don't cover (so have no knowledge of!). Get yourself to the GP and refuse to leave until you have a firm appointment with a consultant developmental pead or (neurodisability expert)

3/ Apply for a statement of special educational needs in writing yourself today. You don't need the schools permission. This will automatically trigger an Educational Pyschologist assessment of your child's needs at school. Your reason for wanting one? Kid's been excluded 10 times is a clear indicator the school cannot cope with their current resources and the kid needs specialist help. It's the Ed Pysch's job to identfy what that help should be.

If you need help writing the statement application the IPSEA website has a helpline (call after 7pm if you wanna get thru!) and model letters available on it's website.

Then and ONLY then do you worry about applying for DLA. The proposed statement + the pead report + the school report + the ed pysch report will equal your evidence to qualify for ths benefit. Sounds longwinded but the bar to get this benfeft is set VERY high & you won't get it without substatial professional evidence. It's easier if you don't have to spend years appealing and can get it at the 1st attempt by having all your ducks in a row. (I did!). Your benefit application should be the last thing you do in the process. At this stage you'll have a better idea of which private therapies may help too.

A lot of legwork for you I know - BUT it's so worth it to see your previously bitterly unhappy, out of control kid finally flourish that you won't regret taking the advice above.

To the nasty poster moaning about the "naughty child" from a Mum of one - it's soul destroying having to listen to attitudes like yours when you are busting a gut to be a good parent to a kid who just doesn't repsond to the "normal" discipliine methods. Getting access to specialist help is a LOT harder than most people realise, yet the vast majority of these kids CAN be helped!

A year of a Mum at home now to source and implement that help or a lifetime of the "grown up child" living off tax payer funds courtesy of the welfare state/prison system? I know which I think is more cost effective to the tax payer in the long run.

FBaby

kidcat wrote: »

FBaby - the difference is that "normal" kids can attend local groups and clubs without support, whereas the child in this case would be unlikely to be able to attend. Having run childrens groups for many years I would not have been able to have this child without him having extra support - there is a cost for that.

The OP talks about DLA helping to take him out with friends, surely that doesn't require extra support if she is going to be there. She mentions music lessons, again, this could be one to one and she could be there to help with the behaviour. Finally, she mentions help with travel costs...how is that different to mums who don't drive who have to use public transport to take their kids to activities?

I am not undermining what the OP is going through, I can imagine how tough, frightening and exhausting it must be, but I don't buy that she needs extra money to deal with her child's specific issues.

Danni79

Thank you to all the people who have given me advise, i will be making an appointment with my SENCO this week to tell her who i want to involve,

I was the one who started the assessment but the school is fully behind me which is a step in the right direction, my main priority has always been to get my child help and support so he is no longer suffering.

The only reason DLA was mentioned was through a family friend who claims it for her child and i was looking for advise from people in similar situations, i would never try to claim anything i am not entitled to, i know far too many people who are doing this and i feel very frustrated with them myself, but advise is free and does not require small minded people informing me my child is 'naughty' or is expressing 'normal' behaviour quite clearly it is not normal behaviour.

Emy1501

No diagnosis needed for DLA. You will need to show that your Childs needs a lot more help and care than child of similar age. The form is pretty long and broken down into area where you can confirm how long is spent on different tasks. The DLA will normally contact the school and professionals involved.

We get DLA for our child who suffers from Autism. I suspect the award will easier to get with some sort of diagnosis though. I would certainly fight to get your some seen through CAHM's.

mummytofour

What a horrible situation. I work with very violent kids with emotional behavioural difficulties. I also have two of my own with ADHD autism and related conditions. Child mental health in so under recognized and there never seems to be a clear path way to support. CAMHS can be good or like ours can write nice reports and leave you hanging.
My only advice is when your son is not in the fit of temper talk to him, ask question after question about how he is feeling work out what is going on for him. Help and support him to understand what he is doing is wrong and that he is not managing his emotions well. For every incident there is a trigger, you just need to work out what it is, the mind can be a jumble of ideas which connect in the wrong order and leave individuals unable to manage themselves in the right way. Perhaps get some EBD resources books etc and help your son with his emotional literacy. In the mean time push for help. If you have other kids this could become a child protection issue as they maybe in danger... I know that is scary but it might be an idea to ring ss and say you are in crisis, ss are not out to take kids into care, it costs to much they will try every avenue first. For example extra support.

Keep fighting, I understand the stress you are under.