What Would You Do?

busiscoming2

This is very sad and it is a shame these people are grown ups, if you had said they were young teens it may have been different. Im not condoning bullying at all but I have a young teen and sometimes question him about things I see written on his FB page by both him and friends and then have to have the double meaning explained to me.

I think you are doing the right thing by refusing the lifts anymore and supplying dinner for them. Mind you I'd wait for them to all come round and then ask them one by one on their own what they mean't by their postings.

If they are his friends he is much better off without them. They use him, he will believe all people who like you do this. Nasty.

geoffky

As hard as it is,your son must find his own way through life and all the entails...you will not be helping him by stepping in and causing him embarrassment...it is hard for you but you have to let him make life's mistakes...
And do not go cold on his m8s as he might take sides and that's the last thing you need..just let things take thier course and never let on you have read what you did.

Alias_Omega

Snooping around FB will just get your banned by him.

His friends, are his friends and without them he will be isolated.

When his day of "women" arrives, his leech friends will fall away to the kerbside and they will find another source of income.

McKneff

And please, I just wanted to say, we are all probably parents on here and we all understand you are hurting for him, its a natural instict to want to protect your off spring, no matter how old they are, and we understand the need for revenge.

Dont be too cool with them but i would backtrack on the food and the lifts to be honest. Its almost as if they are expecting to be rewarded for being your sons friends and up to now, getting it.

Good luck, and keep us updated please.

Annie

lauroar

Honestly....it probably is just banter. Being a similar age to your son I (unfortunately) see a LOT of people my age using casual racist/non-pc insults towards one another and as shocking as they may seem to people who aren't used to the language and dynamics, 99% of the time they aren't meant to genuinely hurt the person. 'In jokes' (if that's what the 'new Jew' comment is) and insulting each other is pretty much par for the course, especially amongst boys. I imagine the dynamics and language used between your son and his friends are quite different when they're with you to when they're alone and the fact that one of them stays over at your house regularly suggests that they are genuine friends. I can't imagine a 22 year old man staying at someones parents house if they didn't actually like the person.

I wouldn't say anything to your son, or his friends, or act any differently towards them (apart from maybe the lifts...at 22 surely they (I include your son in that) can make their own way??). If these people are truly toxic, your son is old enough to know or work it out for himself. It could be/probably is harmless.

Poppy9

tesuhoha wrote: »

Yes, you are right but I was not logged in as him. I clicked on a link as they are in a band and I was just reading comments about the band after last night's gig. The one whose page it is (and who said the least but went along with it) spends hours round here eating our food and stays the night twice a week at least. They spend hours playing the guitar and composing songs. I thought he was a really good mate.

and perhaps he is. This could all just be an in joke! Perhaps they call your son to his face "retard" and he calls them similar names to their faces - they just don't do it in front of you.

I really feel I want to say "grow up" to you and let your son grow up too. I really don't wish to be harsh but if your son isn't unhappy then there probably isn't a problem and alienating his friends will not improve anything.

Plans_all_plans

Banter? Thank God I only know normal people then. If any of my friends started calling me "b1tch, s1ut, ugly" they'd get short shrift. I'm only 26, so not ancient and I know NO-ONE who would carry on in this manner. People like this need to grow up. Anyway, surely the point of banter is that it's back and forth between people? If her son is noticably absent from the conversation then that's just b1tching. If he was on there giving as good as he got, then I'd be more inclined to say they are just immature and it's banter, but nothing bad's going on.

OP, I'd be fuming too and I'd be proper off with these lads. I'd also have a word with your son, I'd say that I stumbled across the messages and were concerned. If it's nothing and they all talk like pr*ts about each other, then that's all fine and dandy, but if it's something more nasty then at least your son can decide what to do.

Poppy9

OP a phrase I often see when there is banter flying around amongst my DD FB friends (they all friended me!!) when they are joking is "awkward"

i.e say they were discussing a night out and one of them replied saying she was looking forward to it then they would say "awkward as you are not invited" and there will be no apology or further invite but it's a known joke if the word "awkward" is used.

tesuhoha

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tesuhoha

Poppy9 wrote: »

OP a phrase I often see when there is banter flying around amongst my DD FB friends (they all friended me!!) when they are joking is "awkward"

i.e say they were discussing a night out and one of them replied saying she was looking forward to it then they would say "awkward as you are not invited" and there will be no apology or further invite but it's a known joke if the word "awkward" is used.

they didn't use that word but a lot of other words beginning with f and c if you get my drift.