I can't get over my mum's death, i'm totally breaking down

kittyJ_2

i'm sorry if i sound harsh at all

i lost my mum 2 years ago next month she was 46 i came home and found her on the sofa she wasn't ill she just came home and went to sleep that was it

i just kept telling my self chin up get on with it she wouldn't want to me to be sad it was hard coming home each night and being alone had to keep telling me self she was dead i was upset but i just got on with it, its crap and i would do anything to have her back but she wouldn't want me to not live my life she would want me to be happy and get it on with it

Dontknowanymore

I'm so sorry for your loss
I have no wise words, because really nothing I say is going to change things.

But I would like to say please please go back to your doctors, after over 10 years of battling depression on and off I finally took the plunge and went to the docs 3 weeks ago after a meltdown, I was given a low dose of citalopram (was given them about 6 months ago but they made me feel buzzing so only took one dose and never went back) They still make me feel a bit funny but I am prepared to put up with that so I can try and deal with reality.

I have to say that I'm feeling tons more positive already and whilst I've not suffered the loss of my Mother, something I could not comprehend, I have been through a hell of a lot on recent years including grief, but rather than being a miriacle cure, I think the tabs have just taken the egde off the horribble feeling that consumed me enough for me to try to begin to deal with all the crap that has landed me here.

I really hope you do go, and I hope that you can find a way to get through this, both my Grandparents died within 5 months of eachother in 2010/2011 and my poor mother was beside herself, she had also been full time carer for both in the last 4 years before they died so for her not only had she lost her parents, she said she felt like she had lost her identity But almost a year on and she's getting there, oh she will still break down and cry sometimes and I'm sure she wallows about it too, her and my Grandad were like 2 peas in a pod. What I am trying to say is what you are feeling is totally normal, noone deals with grief the same way, but I do really think you will benefit from help from a doc and possibly even some sort of bereavement counselling?
Good luck and keep talking xxx :A

Sorry just read the rest of the thread, good luck for Monday hun xx

reheat

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Angel, you don't need to hide the pain or hold up for your family. They can cope seeing your pain because they are stronger than you think. Your husband sounds lovely, Lean on him. Hard

And most importantly, don't shut him out. Trying to help someone who won't let you puts a real strain on a relationship. It's a shared problem that needs a shared fix - the "in sickess and in health" bit of the marriage vows. So long as you do as much as you can (which to begin with may not be very much at all actually), then as you get through this you will need less and less help.

When I lost my Dad, a long time ago now, I was bereft - felt like my world had gone. I lost a lot of weight, could not eat. The person I most needed to help me through was the very person I had lost. But I strongly believe that loved ones in a very real sense live on in your heart, and I found myself listening to and following his advice that I know he would have given me. And most of all I know he would have urged me to survive ... and you do!

meritaten

how are you feeling now?
Its really hard having to pack up mums things and sell her home isnt it? especially if you werent 'ready' to face that.
as others have said - lean on your family, because they will be greiving too and they in turn will feel able to lean on you! lend each other your strength and you will find the strength in yourself. IYSWIM
take OH with you to GPs - he may be able to fill in details which you are suppressing or not willing to share with the GP - I know I often understate how I really feel and the GP can only go on what you SAY.
my best wishes go with you on Monday - I hope that things now start getting better for you.

victory

I hope the counselling is working for you today, don't despair it takes time, it will be very draining and you may feel that it is not for you, that you don't need it but give it a chance, it will work for you, it is put there for you, it will make you feel better, go with it for a while and you will see the improvements.

no-oneknowsme

dandy-candy wrote: »

My mum died of cancer last April and I can't cope without her. She was my best friend and we did everything together. I saw her all the time and we spoke about 6 times a day on the phone up until she was very ill in her last weeks and sleepy with morphine.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and she was the one person who could calm me down and make everything alright. Yesterday I was due to have an operation to remove my gallbladder and I was actually at the hospital and booked in when I told them I was feeling unwell and left.

I am so scared of having the operation and imagine all the horrible things that could go wrong, I had an op once before but mum was helping me cope with my nerves and helped me go through it. Yesterday I just kept thinking I need mum, I can't do it without her. It's so stupid because I will still have to have it done and she won't be there.

I sit at home during the day and cry and cry. I hold my hands together and keep praying she will come back, I say over and over again "Please come back, please come back" like it will make a difference but I know it can't happen, I just want a miracle.

My husband tries so much to help and is so kind but it isn't the same and i'm scared of stressing him out. The night before I was due my operation I was in such a state and he was trying to calm me and I saw his eyes were bloodshot. He has high blood pressure and I thought "Omg i'm going to end up killing him"

My kids are wonderful but my misery stresses them out, I really really try to hid it but they hear me blowing my nose alot and notice my eyes are red.

I have been on meds (citalopram) in the past but they make me feel really weird and I don't like taking them. I go to a counsellor which is great when i'm with her but when i'm alone I start feeling low again.

I hate myself for being so stupid and not coping. I'm an adult, and a wife and a mum. I know what a stress and misery I am for my family to be around, but I don't believe I will ever get better without mum here to help me. I miss her so so much, I need her back, I can't believe she has gone forever - it isn't possible.

I'm so desperate I just don't know what to do, I want to hide in a corner and pretend none of this is happening. Please please can someone tell me how to cope, or even just hold up for my family.

i have to say that as I read your post I had tears in my eyes.

My own mum has cancer , in her breast 3 years ago and unfortunately we were told in October that it had returned in her bones.

I have the same relationship with my Mum as you have with yours and thinking of my life without her reduces me to tears on a daily basis.

She too is on morphine and we have good days and bad.

I wont offer you any advice as I know that when the time comes I will suffer in exactly the same way as you are now.

What I will say however is try to stay strong and think how sad your Mum would be to see you so distressed. If shes anything like mine she will want you to remember her with fondness as you move on with your life , making her proud of the person you have become WHICH IS ALL THANKS TO HER X

Stay strong x

clare1076

Hi i completely know where your coming from i too lost my mum to cancer at the age of 51, it was a very short illness diagnosed in the October and she passed on 31st May 08. My mum too was my right arm went everywhere together i phoned her every day. I was dumbfounded that my mum was gone just like that. I cried for my mum but i don't think i've ever grieved properly as i had my dad, brother and my two young children who were 3 and 1 at the time and i had to be strong for them. Moving on 3 years and i am now suffering from anxiety/panic attacks and have been quite ill for the past 4-5 months, the dr thinks it could all be down to my loss as since my mums passing i've lost my nan, grandad, 2 uncles and my beautiful 25 day old niece. I'm currently having counselling and i'm hoping this works. I think you need to stick with your counselling and it sounds like you have a very understanding husband so lean on him all you can. Big hugs the day to day things do get easier but the pain of loss never goes away, just be assured that your mum is always with you and loves you very much. Clare