I can't get over my mum's death, i'm totally breaking down

meritaten

are you seeing a general counsellor or one specialising in 'grief counselling'? because it sounds to me as if you may not be moving through the 'stages' and wonder why the counsellor isnt really helping?
your meds may need to be reviewed too.
grief is highly individual - but, you sound so raw and are hurting so much - when you post your emotions come through as if your mum died last week.
Is that how you feel?
There is something which is stopping you moving on, I suspect. Only you can know what that is........but you do need more help than you are getting now.
sorry I cannot be of more help hun - but I am sending you virtual hugs.((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))

Redouble

I second that you need to pop and see your GP. Maybe ask your husband to take you so that he can explain the things you might miss out

This is a very hard thing to come to terms with, please don't feel that you are handling this wrongly , grief is such an individual thing.

I truly hope you can get some help, in whatever form that takes and that you can find some peace xxx

moomoomama27

I feel so sad for you. My Mum has terminal cancer and I am just so scared that I will not be able to cope without her! When I was reading your post I could imagine what you were going through, the pain and desperation, I felt very much like it after my Nan passed (who I was so close to).

I had intensive counselling, just seeing a counsellor once a week was not enough. I also really used my family to lean on and talk to, told them exactly wht triggered certain things, and used them to draw comfort from. My husband was wonderful!

Never try to hide things, never try to be strong. You need the emotional support right now. Go to your GP, tell them what you said here, and about the drugs not working, and needing more support in your grieving.

Massive hugs to you, my heart breaks reading your pain. xx

nearlyrich

It's horrible losing your mum and almost 4 years later I still have days when I miss mine so much I just want to cry, your pain is still very raw and there is no normal for grief as others have said go back to the doctor get the meds that help you and ask for a referral to a grief counsellor to help you get back on track.

whitewing

I agree with going back to the GP. When I started to sink a bit I was offered a choice of swapping to a new a-d, upping my dose of existing a-d, or adding another type to the one I was on. I upped my dose and have had no problems since; still get periods of being a bit down but nothing like pre-medication.

Maybe you could also have a bit of counselling as a family group? That may help everyone support you and also help them to understand a bit better that their actions are not making things worse for you. You will feel some peace at some point.

Do you discuss with your counsellor your feeling that you may not get better without your mum being there? That seems to be a big block - perhaps you could say that to the GP. I do agree with suggestions that it would help to take your husband along. I would guess your memory is quite bad with all the grief and he could help make sure you say everything you need to. This thread is likely to raise lots of points so perhaps you could write a list and take it with you to the GP and to the counsellor.

Hanging_by_a_thread

moomoomama27 wrote: »

Never try to hide things, never try to be strong.

Oh goodness what an awful time you are going through too. I am really sorry to hear this. I totally agree about not trying to be to strong. Feeling as overwhelmed as the OP does and needing to cry frequently is a sign that she has been to strong for to long. As awful as it must be to feel like this it is all part of grieving and recovering from an awful time in her life.

One thing I have observed is how much the OP loved her mum. It must have been an incredible relationship that they shared. Not everyone is lucky enough to ever experience that. The pain of her loss now, confirms just how much she was loved and in time memories of her mum will make her smile and not be so painful. She will have a lifetime of happy memories to look back on and cherish.

Ada_Doom

My mam also died in April of cancer, so I felt such a jolt of recognition when I read your post. I also have had times of begging her to come back, and even praying that she comes back and haunt me, just cos I want to see her face again so much. It is so difficult and painful, and sometimes I miss her so much it feels like a physical pain. Everyone grieves differently so however you are expereincing it is normal to you, but maybe some counselling would help. At this stage I am finding comfort in my kids, trying to be a good mum to them as she was to me, but after she died and people said how seeing the kids looking like her would be a comfort i couldn't understand what they were on about.

I miss being a daughter, as my dad is dead too. But I am thankful she brought me up to be a strong woman so I know I can survive without her, I just wish it was ten more years before I had to. Much love to you, and please consider going to your GP, I bet they will be able to help x

shellsuit

Bless you, I can feel your pain just through your post and I'm so sorry you're hurting so much

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I hope, with time, that you can get through this black cloud and think of your Mum with fond memories and not the pain and anguish you are going through now.

PLease go back to your GP and see if there is anything they can do to help you xxx

whitewing

How are you feeling now? To be honest, I think it would be worth you and your hubby going to the out of hours doctor, especially if that makes it easier for you to go together, and stops it becoming a huge effort that requires energy that you simply don't have. Explain also your fears about your operation.

ognum

The pain is palpable in many of the replies to this thread and I offer you all a big hug.

Please, please get some bereavement counselling, sometimes it is just useful to have someone to talk to confidentially who can help you through the stages of your grief and provide some help for you to move through the awfulness of your current situation.

There are many charities that provide bereavement support. the one I am familiar with is CRUSE and you can google your local group.

CRUSE will help with one to one trained volunteers in your own home for as long as you feel you need the confidential support, in some areas they also offer social groups of like minded people that provides a safe environment.

Please do get some help, it does take time but it will be woth it.

Hope this helps