how to control son's disruptive behaviour

mutley74

My 10 year old son has a habit since reception of being noisy and non stop chatter box. He has always been commented as being a type of person who cannot be silent, noisy, always interested in helping others in class (when teacher is teaching) etc. Even his tutor used to laugh that he could not count to 10 without talking inbetween.

He is now in year 5 and i thought he had overcome this and started to listen more and take more responsibility. His current teacher says although he likes to contribute in lessons he is not so bad. Anyway just had a call from his cubs scout leader that they are disappointed with his behaviour and for the past few lessons he has always been disrupting the classes and keeps talking when he should not be. he has been told off by them and sat in the corners etc. They want a detailed chat with both of us next week before the next class.
I appreciate he is a talkative kid as he can be like this with me.

Anyway i had a chat with him about being disappointed with this behaviour, and as usual he says its others kids who are at fault not him.

Just curious if there is anything i can do to help him to stop being a noisy kid and start using his ears more? I would not be suprised he if gets final warning from his cubs groups as they seemed very unhappy when i had a quick chat with them.
Any advice welcome.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's hard. Scouts can expect a more regimented behaviour than a primary school teacher.

Some kids use constant talking deliberately to annoy the teacher and disrupt the group, some always have someone else to blame for everything, some have teachers that actually rather like them so tolerate the disruption, some have adults that just haven't taken to them in charge.

I know for a fact when I assisted in the DDs' classes that some of the chatterboxes were absolutely charming and the most irritating children were the class policemen who only ever spoke to wail that someone else was doing something they shouldn't. Those same children I couldn't help but dislike were absolutely adored in their Brownie/Scout Packs for those same qualities.



I would say to one of mine in that situation that it doesn't matter whether someone else is at fault or not, Akela thinks it's them and, if they want to keep going, they are just going to have to behave better in future. It's not fair, I know, but that's how it is. Don't give them a reason to think it's you doing it.

Sambucus_Nigra

Does he ever have quiet time at home, no TV, no radio, no xbox, no wii...just quiet time? Is he able to be quiet during these times?

mutley74

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Does he ever have quiet time at home, no TV, no radio, no xbox, no wii...just quiet time? Is he able to be quiet during these times?

Nope, he gets very frustrated and gets irrate if i ever say no TV or games or if i say "home work time" or "play with lego". he does it sometimes but sometimes not. He is not a bullish kid and i think my son just wants to be busy and play games all the time.
I dont think and hope he is not after annoying others.

Teachers have always said he may be disruptive but always want to help his friends, for example in class he would go round the class helping his friends with their work even in a class test!

Firefly

How much time do you spend doing things together? Would you get a different response if you played Lego with him? Or a board game, or colouring together? The sort of 1:1 time where you can make eye contact and have good discussions?

BitterAndTwisted

How do you channel or discourage the irateness when he doesn't get his own way?

Sambucus_Nigra

mutley74 wrote: »

Nope, he gets very frustrated and gets irrate if i ever say no TV or games or if i say "home work time" or "play with lego". he does it sometimes but sometimes not. He is not a bullish kid and i think my son just wants to be busy and play games all the time.
I dont think and hope he is not after annoying others.

Perhaps he needs some. The TV/games should be treats not background noise. What does he do when not watching TV/playing games? Just because he gets bullish doesn't mean you shouldn't have quiet time at home, just colouring in or playing with stuff....yin and yang and all that....

BitterAndTwisted

He's got a number of things going on, I reckon: poor impulse control combined with a cheerful and helpful manner. Makes him charming but exhausting. I was a bit like that when his age. Too bright and understimulated, so I did my own stimulating. Until I was mentally challenged by being put with older kids who were cleverer than me. Knuckling down shut me up big-time

mutley74

spend most things and time on a 1:1 (singe parent).

When he gets irrate i actually make him switch of his ps3 or the tv, and if he gets bad send him to his room to cool down. usually make sure he knows i am boss and that any bad behaviour means we both end up losing treats. But when things are going well he gets treats such as cinema trips, measl out, sky football etc.

BitterAndTwisted

So, when he's challenged or asked to do something he doesn't want to do, do you always reach for the same sanctions every time?

BitterAndTwisted

I'd get rid of the PS3 and the access to the TV for a while. Quite a long time actually, if it means he has a paddy when you try to withdraw or limit their use.

See, I don't think there is a way of controllung the sort of behaviour you've described in school and at cubs. He needs to be helped to control it himself. You may not have seen his non-stop chattiness as an issue, and it may not be for you as you are fully engaged with him and are used to it