Custody release?

toffee'n'tom

I do think we shouldn't judge people for the decisions they make when we've never been in their position and can't possibly know what is must be like to be trapped in a violent relationship. And every violent relationship is different. Some people are worried about coping alone financially and they may not have family or friends for support. I ended my marriage of 15 years five years ago. It wasn't violent in any way, I had friends and family for support and I still found it incredibly difficult.

Anyway that is one of the reasons why the decision to prosecute is quite rightly not in the hands of the victim but the CPS lawyers who deal with many of these cases every day and who sometimes see fatal outcomes when women continuously fail to appear at court and support the prosecution if it goes to trial. You always think that it won't be you!

carefullycautious

If early onset dementia has been diagnosed no wonder he forgets to take his tablets.

Do you live with him, and if so, do you not prompt him to take medication?

confused1305

Yes we live together, I have set an alarm on his phone and when I am not on an early shift I give them to him in the morning with his coffee- but the past few days I have had to leave the house at 4am for work. I always phone him up at about half 8 (half an hour after his alarm has gone off) asking if he has taken them/ reminding him to take them but it is difficult if I am not there and as silly as it sounds, sometimes when he puts the phone down he'll forget what I said to him

ETA: I've spoken to his mum, she is at the station with him - his solicitor was due to see him at 12 so I should hear at 1 what's happening!

3v3

confused1305 wrote: »

He wouldn't be sectioned but likewise I do not want him to be charged - there is no evidence really - apart from my statement, there are no marks on my body as he did not hit me hard. .....

Evidence could be: you called 999 in a distressed state and while on the phone

confused1305 wrote: »

...
Basically I had to call 999 to get my fiancee removed from the home for domestic violence - he punched me twice in the back, was screaming at me and I was terrified. I locked myself in the bathroom and phoned the police, while I was on the phone he was punching in the bathroom door.

... the operator may well have heard that and it may well be heard on the recording.
In addition

confused1305 wrote: »

..... I did not make a formal complaint but they did make me give a statement.

When you say you made "a statement", was a formal statement or pocket note book entries? If it was pocket notebook entries, this is a record of what you said at that time.

If you call 999, make an accusation of being assaulted; the Police attend, make an arrest, recount the incident for an Officer to write down in his pocket notebook at the time of the incident ... I'm curious to know, .... how much more "formal" do you think it needs to be? :huh:

artichoke

hi

does he have a Community Pscychiatric Nurse or someone else in the mental health team you can inform as to what has happened so they can support both him and you?

Do you have any appointments set up to talk things through with the mental health professionals?

Are you saying the violence is due to not taking the medication but you are confident that if he takes his medication the violent episodes will not happen?

If you want to talk this through with people who understand mental health i have always found the SANE help line very useful..

http://www.sane.org.uk/

Art

3v3

fluffnutter wrote: »

...
I want to be sympathetic, I really do. I have utmost support for people who are in violent relationships. But you need to open your eyes, love.

I didn't read the OP as being a simple matter of "domestic violence", there are other issues going on. On the one hand, the partner suffers with bi-polar and sociopathic tendancies, then added to that there's the issue of early onset dementia.

In most domestic violence scenario's its about power games.

This thread reads a bit different to that. It's more complex and for that, I believe the OP does deserve a sympathic hearing if she wishes to stand by him (if the violence is out of character, obviously).

Dontknowanymore

Can I just ask, do you have children that live with you?

confused1305

No, I don't have children. We made the decision that we did not want children as with his mental health issues, it would not be fair on a child to grow up with that. It was a pocketbook entry they made. They asked if I wanted to make a formal complaint and I said I didn't, therefore in my eyes, it was not a formal complaint.
I asked them to keep me up to date anyway that they could and his interviewing officer just rang me to say that he would be relweased without charges unless I wanted to make a formal statement or was I happy with what I said last night. I said I still didn't want to make a formal complaint.

He does have a doctor that he sees regularly about it - he has an appointment with her about ho effective his meds are which is due in the next week and he also has an appointment for a doctor at the local psychiatric hospital which deals with all of his mental health issues, with focus being on the early - onset dementia.

Ideally though I would like to speak to them about both of us going to counselling because I need a coping mechanism for when things are difficult, as does he - so that we don't end up in this boat again.

I am overwhelmed by how supportive most of the replies had been, I was worried there would be a ;lot of jumping in saying that I was weak for not wanting to leave him, that he deserved to rot blah blah... it means a lot to me, especially since it's not an issue I discuss with a lot of people in my real life! if that makes sense! Will let you know how he is hen he gets home.

Tamsin_Temrin

Is his mental health more important than your physical safety?

I give you all the credit in the world for wanting to help someone who isnt really making informed choices about their actions, but perhaps you could look at other ways of supporting him that involve less physical risk.

A nurse in a hospital would not be expected to accept the risk of ongoing physical violence, and if he behaved like that to a stranger in the street he probably would do time. Why should you be different? That doesnt mean that you shouldnt care, just that you shouldnt get hit.

ETA crossed post - I really wish you well but make sure you get support as well! his hcp need to make sure that they are aware this happens and they need to tell you how to stay safe.

Dontknowanymore

Thank god for that!
I'm sorry but I think you need to seriously consider what you are doing, i'm not saying get rid, or leave even but you need to realise that this could escialte.
Are you prepared to risk your personal safety?
Sounds like a bit of respite for you both might be a good idea.