Custody release?

3v3

confused1305 wrote: »

...
Ideally though I would like to speak to them about both of us going to counselling because I need a coping mechanism for when things are difficult, as does he - so that we don't end up in this boat again...

Thanks for the update, I understand your perception on "formal" now.

I think that is a great idea for you both to have counselling.

But, do you mean counselling as a couple or as two people seperately?

I think ideally, it would be better to have a "his", "hers" and "ours" counselling under the circumstances, but I don't know how possible that would be?

artichoke

confused1305 wrote: »

Ideally though I would like to speak to them about both of us going to counselling because I need a coping mechanism for when things are difficult, as does he - so that we don't end up in this boat again.
.

Can you contact the mental health team and tell them what has happened and that he has been violent, been in custody, etc?

They will not be able to talk to you about him due to confidentiality , but you can tell them the facts about what has happened.

Have they offered counselling in the past either to him, to you or to both of you together? I would phone up and ask for an apointment to see someone urgently. They need to advise you how to handle things when things get difficult. YOu do need to be able to spot signs and to have strategies to stop situations escalating out of control.

I live with a person with mental health issues- he has been sectioned in the past - after that we had sessions with the mental health team, both sessions together as a couple and also both sessions separately, to discuss coping strategies...to stop him being sectioned again - that was over 10 years ago and so far we have not had a repeat although he does get very down and at other times goes a bit manic..

we do now cope - i can spot signs - but you do need support to sort things out...

Please ask the mental health team for support - and phone SANE they did help me on their phone line...

take care

Art

confused1305

The DVU has phoned and given me their direct line in case I want to talk things over or to give me a referral to counselling if I want it, she seemed very friendly on the phone. I do not know what is going to happen when he gets home - he might not even want to be around me anymore - there is certainly a lot of talking and a lot of decisions to be done/made. And at the moment, I do not know what those decisions will be... but something needs doing! Thankfully I swapped shifts so no work today... early in order I think

Cherry_Bomb

I really hope things turn out well for you. Either together or separately

confused1305

3v3 wrote: »

Thanks for the update, I understand your perception on "formal" now.

I think that is a great idea for you both to have counselling.

But, do you mean counselling as a couple or as two people seperately?

I think ideally, it would be better to have a "his", "hers" and "ours" counselling under the circumstances, but I don't know how possible that would be?

I am hoping that his, hers, ours counselling is available and that is what I would be aiming for as I do feel it is the best way forward for us.

artichoke

confused1305 wrote: »

I am hoping that his, hers, ours counselling is available and that is what I would be aiming for as I do feel it is the best way forward for us.

but you need to phone up the mental health team and say you NEED this ....it is expensive - they will not offer it unless you really explain how you need it..

Art

flutterby_lil

Are you prepared for how he may react when he does get home?

Please don't let him make you feel guilty when he does get back for contacting the police......good luck

confused1305

Well he's home, lots of sorry's, lots of tears on both sides and hugs so we will see what the future holds. We have agreed not to bring it up in any arguments, only in a constructive way. He wants to talk about it but has asked to wait until tomorrow when he's had a decent nights sleep etc.

building_with_lego

How did it go when you talked about it, OP?

helzbelz_57

fluffnutter wrote: »

Yes, it does. I know you don't want to be judged but you're coming out with every abused woman's cliche in the book.

Don't press charges if you don't want to. That's up to you. But it's crazy to think you shouldn't simply because there's no evidence. It's up to the CPS to determine whether evidence exists or not, not you. TBH, you're just making it easy for him.

And letting him use you as a punchbag? And then saying 'it's ok because he didn't hit me hard'. More fool you.

I want to be sympathetic, I really do. I have utmost support for people who are in violent relationships. But you need to open your eyes, love.

sorry but if you think what you are saying is 'supportive' then you are mistaken. it is very closed minded of someone to think shouting and throwing more abuse at an abuse victim is the way to help them change their situation. domestic volience is a hugely complex thing and affects all people differently. this is likely to be a hugely stressful time for the OP and no doubt she has conflicting thoughts tormenting her all her waking hours. ease up on the name calling eh?