am I being unreasonable?

meritaten

my DIL texted me earlier to say that she would be dropping off grandson at 9.00am. (I share childminding with her mum) which was news to me as she told me sunday that I would take him to school Mon and pick him up Wed. she also said that I would be picking him up, as she was working 1.00 to 5.00. I texted back saying that I was only supposed to pick him up - she then said she had a driving lesson at 9.00 and I would have to do both.
I have plans for the morning as I knew I would be picking GS up at 3.15 and I KNEW she hadnt told me I was supposed to do both.
(btw - son turned up this evening and asked where GS was - I told him I dont have him on Tues and he is prob up his other nans!)
I am not bluddy happy - I feel she is taking the P! I know her mum is fussing about her BIL who is ill, and feel that at the last minute her mum has let her down. I havent replied to her last text telling me not to worry she would make other arrangements - I am too angry.
I didnt offer to childmind 4 years ago - I didnt really want to - but her mum told her after she got the job she wouldnt do five days so we share so she can work. so I was sort of pressganged into it!
my GS is hard work - and I also PHYSICALLY cannot cope with walking up to the village school and back again - its bad enough ONCE a day - TWICE is more than my back will take!
I love my GS to bits, but, I feel that DIL is taking the P! I feel like telling DIL enough is enough - but thats anger talking - how do I make it plain that while I am willing to mind him as arranged - I really cannot do minding him from 9.00am to taking him to school - going home and then picking him up at 3.15 and minding him until they pick him at sometime after 5.oo (they often go shopping and its nearer 6.00 when they pick him up?
oh and I dont drive so I have to walk to the village! and back!

Oldernotwiser

I think she's definitely taking the P, particularly when "she then said she had a driving lesson at 9.00 and I would have to do both." If anyone told me that I had to do something that I was doing out of the goodness of my heart I would tell them where to get off - family or not!

ETA.

I suppose it would be a silly question to ask whether she pays you in any way for all this childcare?

make_me_wise

I think you have been far to generous with your time as it is. You have done well to remain cool headed to being told you would 'have to do both'. Alot of people would have instantly given her a piece of their mind for her nerve and cheek.

She hadn't consulted you first before booking this driving lesson and then orders you to fit around her plans. This young lady is taking the p!!! and you are being far to reasonable.

Bare in mind she needs you far more than you need her and her attitude. Remind her of that and say you will do what has been agreed previously. Express to her that in future she respects that you have your own life to lead and she consults you before changing any arrangements.

scottishchick27

Did you talk to your son about this when he came around tonight? I'd suggest you have a chat with him and explain that you're just not fit to make the journey twice in one day.

peachyprice

Tell her she'll have to take her driving lesson after she's dropped her son at school.

Being kind enough to have him when she's working is one thing, but her expecting you to have him at the drop of a hat so she can do other things, that can be arranged at other times, is taking the P.

McKneff

Calm down first.

Talk to her calmly, tell her that while yo are quite happy to carry out arranged baby sitting, you really need more notice
of anything that she needs to change. Is there anyone nearby with children who could pick the little boy up at the end of the school day.

She probably has no idea that she is taking you for granted (a much nice way of saying taking the P i s s ):D

Dont forget theres a little man in the middle ofall this who loves his nana.

Emmzi

she's *telling* you?

tell her you can do it if she pays for the taxis to and from school if it is more than once a day, and you have 48 hours notice.

meritaten

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think she's definitely taking the P, particularly when "she then said she had a driving lesson at 9.00 and I would have to do both." If anyone told me that I had to do something that I was doing out of the goodness of my heart I would tell them where to get off - family or not!

ETA.

I suppose it would be a silly question to ask whether she pays you in any way for all this childcare?

yes - that WOULD be a silly question! lol

Cherry_Bomb

Ask her for some money for a taxi so you don't have to walk! Then I think you're going to have to be honest with her and say you just can't do anymore than you're already doing.

If she doesn't know how you're feeling you can't expect her to fix the problem

thatgirlsam

Tell her your back is hurting and if you do too much it will prevent you looking after him at anytime (if you are in too much pain)

So if she wants you to carry on she can't overload you

You sound like a nice Grandma - She is very lucky to have you!

meritaten

I want to be calm when I talk to her - I love the girl - but I will NOT be taken advantage of like this!
the arrangement is that I either take GS to school/nursery or I pick him up. I can just about cope with one trip up to the school! his other nan (who lives next door to the school - literally) then either does one or the other. Of course her mum and I cover for each other - but I just felt that in this case DIL first said that she had told me I was doing both trips (no way - I would have told her I couldnt) and I got annoyed at DIL saying I would HAVE to have him virtually all day and make two trips to school just because she had booked a driving lesson!