MSE Pregnancy Club 24

fluffnutter

sexymouse wrote: »

Sorry to bring up the subject again...

Not at all, sm. I'm pleased you did, because I was thinking about this whilst not being able to sleep last night.

I want a girl. We chose not to find out at the 20 week scan, so I find myself six weeks from delivery convinced I'm having a girl. The OH wants a girl too, we talk about 'her' all the time and she even has a really quite feminine nickname (Muffin).

If this baby comes out a boy, I'm worried I'll be bereft. Not because I have a strong aversion to having a boy, but because I'll feel like my little girl has disappeared. My first thought will be 'You're not Muffin. Where's Muffin?'. I think I'll feel a real sense of loss.

I'm also thinking that this will be fleeting, because despite my wondering where my little girl's gone, I'll actually have a little boy to concentrate on instead! In some ways I wonder whether it would have been better to find out so that I didn't spend all this time bonding with a baby girl who might not even exist...

I'm really pleased you're coming round to the idea. I don't know if my situation is anything like yours, but I'm trying to let you know that you're not alone.

MrsManda

I think the idea behind the unattended birth rules may be that in theory if an unqualified person (other than the mother to be) is planning on delivering the baby then they are technically impersonating a medical professional which is illegal. One of my friends was having a discussion on FB a few weeks ago and apparently in some countries it's illegal to give birth anywhere other than a hospital. She had a friend who was prosecuted for giving birth in the back of a taxi on the way to the hospital though she was eventually let off with a fine as it was argued that she tried to get to the hospital on time.

*hugs* to LMM, hope you get your assignment done. I'm sat surrounded by my notes and textbooks trying to write my assignment and keep getting terribly distracted - mainly because I've got to a section where I'm really unsure of what to write so have gone into ostrich mode. It's not great considering I don't work well in the afternoons - mornings are my most productive time

MissMonkeyMoo

LMM I'm with you on the weight thing, I refuse to weigh myself cos I know (and it's just the way I am) I will get obsessed with it and start getting depressed about what I have put on and how much I have got to lose! I used to be pretty good with what I ate - I didn't deny myself anything, but I did balance it out - but lately I have been eating load sof Ben & Jerry's and big bags of chocolates! I think it's a bit of comfort eating cos I can't do everything that I would like to and I need cheering up!

SM it's a shame that your Mum has not been more supportive and understanding of your situation, but hopefully she will read up about it and perhaps gain a bit of insight. I hope her comments haven't upset you too much - did she say them in the heat of the moment? It's good that you are starting to feel more positive as well and that LO is reminding you he's there!

Hugs to all, I'm also one of those that is not doing much work (have only got bits and pieces to do which is just so boring!) Gping to have a look at baby furniture during my lunchbreak I think!

mishkanorman

sexymouse wrote: »

Morning all!

Congratulations gtothec - nice to hear an unusual name too. Hope your stitches etc aren't too sore and you're recovered quickly from the birth.

Sorry to bring up the subject again, but I had another argument with my Mum yesterday afternoon when I tried to explain what gender disappointment was, and she told me that she was ashamed of me and that I was acting like a spoilt child and creating a scene and a drama. I've told her to read up online about gender disappointment, and have given Moon strict instructions that if she calls, he's to ask her if she's found out more about it, and I'm not speaking to her until she has. Some of the comments she has made to me have been really hurtful.
BTW, I'm slowly coming round to the idea of having a boy. I told one of the other people at work that he was going to have the same name as him, and he was over the moon, and seeing his excitement about it really helped as he's a really nice guy. Bean has been kicking like mad for the last 2 days as well, to make sure that I take notice of him. Moon has been very understanding about everything since we talked it all through the other day, and has apologised for telling our friends (the ones who lost their little boy) as I hadn't wanted to upset them.

Suppose I'd better go and find some lunch quickly as I'm invigilating an exam this afternoon, and there's a huge cohort of students sitting it, so I expect it would be prudent to arrive slightly early as the exams office have a tendency to panic!

Hugs to all who need or want them, and labour vibes where appropriate.

sexymouse xx

^ Thats where you have gone wrong SM, dont try to explain it ! Unless they have been in your situation no-one can have it explained to them, it will just sound like you are making excuses.

There is nothing wrong with feeling a little out of sorts for having to re-adjust all your previous hopes dreams and visions. Its a loss of a kind and you need time to grieve for that - being told you are being spoilt is just plain unhelpful IMHO !

No-one can help how they feel, its not a logical response to a situation its an emotional one.

I hope your mother comes round and sees how hurtful her comments are, sometimes I think my mum forgets this is our child and not hers in a removed kind of way ! After coming to minor blows on a few occasions when my hormones have been too on edge to stop me biting we thankfully now find a common ground on most things.

RebekahR

emsbet wrote: »

Thanks ikkle, I know weight gain is an inevitable part of pregnancy but have no idea what is normal. My sister put on quite a lot with her two as she took the eating for two quite literally and three years after she had her youngest she's still struggling to lose the weight. I know I've been eating a lot of junk lately, I try to make sure I have lots of vegetables with my evening meals and drink fruit juice through the day but I don't have any with my lunch (I plan to change that this week!). It's like all my self control about the amount of chocolate and other crap I eat seems to have gone out of the window! Oh well at least I know I've not gone too OTT with the weight gain so far and so I will try to keep on top of it a bit more.

xx

This is how I am feeling. Up until I had only put on 2lb and i'm now 30 weeks! I have put on 2-3lb on the past 10 days though. Part of that is this the sudden desire to just eat and eat even though i'm not hungry. And oh gosh chocolate is soooo good ...

RebekahR

This is bang on the nail. Me and hubby were talking about this and he was saying just that. I said what if I do something wrong like smother too much and hold too much and then need to get out of that routine. And how the inlaws would hate that I dont have a strict routine but let her do what she wants etc etc. And he said that you have to follow instincts and you can't go wrong. People have brough kids up for millions of years and been ok.

But yes Gina Ford for me is a nono and baby whisperer a big yes yes.

fluffnutter wrote: »

Gina Ford's not for me either but on the subject of baby books generally I heard a feature on Woman's Hour (I think) that really struck a cord with me...

Each generation typically has its own 'baby guru'. In the 60s it was Benjamin Spock, 70s we had Penelope Leach, the noughties were all about Gina Ford etc. Each parent who followed the baby guru of their own time tends to say *this* (i.e whatever that particular guru advocated) is the right way to bring up a child.

The methods might change but what remains the same is the prescriptive approach that each expert adopts. So you get 'you must do *this*, and you must do *that*, my approach is the only one that works'. Even if the books aren't that explicit in their message, the tone is.

Clearly, then, if each generation has a different approach and a different guru, there's more than one way to bring a baby up successfully! At the end of the day, baby books merely reflect the fashion of the times; take what you find useful from them, but they're not hard and fast manuals by any means. Trust your instincts.

BB1984

fluffnutter wrote: »

Not at all, sm. I'm pleased you did, because I was thinking about this whilst not being able to sleep last night.

I want a girl. We chose not to find out at the 20 week scan, so I find myself six weeks from delivery convinced I'm having a girl. The OH wants a girl too, we talk about 'her' all the time and she even has a really quite feminine nickname (Muffin).

If this baby comes out a boy, I'm worried I'll be bereft. Not because I have a strong aversion to having a boy, but because I'll feel like my little girl has disappeared. My first thought will be 'You're not Muffin. Where's Muffin?'. I think I'll feel a real sense of loss.

I'm also thinking that this will be fleeting, because despite my wondering where my little girl's gone, I'll actually have a little boy to concentrate on instead! In some ways I wonder whether it would have been better to find out so that I didn't spend all this time bonding with a baby girl who might not even exist...

I'm really pleased you're coming round to the idea. I don't know if my situation is anything like yours, but I'm trying to let you know that you're not alone.

Just wanted to say, fluffnutter, that I feel much the same.

BB x

jovichick123

Sexymouse I just wanted to say that I too understand where you are coming from. I was convinced from the start of this pregnancy that I was having a little girl and when they told us at the 20 week scan it was another boy I was very disappointed. I felt 'let down' in some way, like I had lost something (which looking back now I realise I never had but it still felt the same IYSWIM). I remember saying to OH something along the lines of it not being fair, I already have my little boy... It wasn't helped in the first few weeks by family and friends all reminding me how nice it would have been to have had one of each.. :mad:

It took me a good few weeks to come to terms with the idea of having a boy (even after trying to convince myself that the sonographer had mixed up boy bits with the umbilical cord... not likely I know) but I can honestly say that as time has gone on and bump got more active, I am now looking forward to his arrival. I am glad you are starting to feel better about everything and that Moon is supporting you. Hopefully your mum will calm down soon and try to see it from your POV. It is difficult but it will get better

RebekahR

Does anyone have any links for the natural attachement parenting thingy? A bit late but think I need to start looking into this. As apart from bed sharing I want to go down this route with the swadding and carrying in sling. But I want to find out more about it. Not looking forward to the comments I am going to get. family are sooo going to say I am making a rod for my own back, mollycoddling, making harder for myself etc etc. :-s

fluffnutter

RebekahR wrote: »

Does anyone have any links for the natural attachement parenting thingy? A bit late but think I need to start looking into this. As apart from bed sharing I want to go down this route with the swadding and carrying in sling. But I want to find out more about it. Not looking forward to the comments I am going to get. family are sooo going to say I am making a rod for my own back, mollycoddling, making harder for myself etc etc. :-s

Ignore them. Your baby, do it your way. I saw the HV the other day. She said that babies can't be overcuddled. Not that it worries me - my little one's going to be clamped to my tit/chest/back/legs until it goes to school - but it's nice to hear that the medical profession agrees with me! I'm not going to bother googling or giving my method a name (must admit I'd never heard of attachment parenting). It just seems natural to me to not put your baby down that often! I've waited nearly a decade for this - I'm making the most of it.

If your family challenges your style, tell them you're following the recommended way and try to laugh it off.