don't know what to do about my sons 3 night school trip

whitewing

If you are paying the £90 and ex paying £90, I would get the money off ex and pay for the trip in full without necessarily saying anything either way to your son. Then if he is still distressed nearer the time and it is appropriate for him to not go, he could not go if that is what you decide. I know it is a lot of money if he ends up not going but for £2 a week for a year (your portion) I would rather pay on the off chance than make a huge decision over it now.

YORKSHIRELASS

I really feel for you. My youngest went on a residential trip in Y5 and the day before he was due to go had a wobble, bursting into tears and saying he didnt want to go. In the end he went and loved it. He is now in year 6 and has just come back from a 4 night residential trip which he was fine with.

I think speaking to the teacher is a good idea. Maybe have a word with your OH to make sure you are both saying the same things to your son about this trip too.

In the end if he is absolutely adamant that he doesnt want to go then it seems ridiculous to force him. He has got to know that there is no changing his mind though and he should be aware of what he will be doing in school as an alternative.

Good luck with it.

wept

When my two were at junior school and I was a governor we used to have preparation trips.
Starting in year 3 we would have 1 night at school field in tents - was quite funny as we had one parent the same as you and your son. She was really concerned her daughter wouldn't do it or stay....guess which girl was still up and messing about running about the tents at 2 am??
Year 4 would be 2 nights away at residential camp etc building up to Year 6 camp week in Devon.

The kids have a fantastic time and grow immensley from the experience of being away and bonding with school mates.

Have a chat with the school they are experts at dealing with this sort of thing and you won't be the first parent in this situation.

looby75

Thanks again everyone. I don't think he's being bullied at school, if anyone has ever hit him in the past he's come and told me and the school has an excellent anti bullying policy, it's zero tolerance and the school have won awards for it's various anti bullying programs.

We had a bit more of a chat about it tonight, we found the website of where they are going and his face lit up when he saw it. Apparently one of the kids in schools brother went on last years residential trip and when he came back home he complained that the buildings were horrible, old, cold and when it rained the roof leaked, but thats the place thats closed down now, no one has been to this new place yet. He's also been reading some of the "reviews" from other schools and I think thats reassured him a bit too. He's still not 100% sure he wants to go but I think he might be a bit less wobbly about it than he was last night.

I've told him that whatever decision he makes by Friday HAS to stick, if he says he doesn't want to go then thats that, there will be no changing his mind when all his friends start getting excited about it. Likewise if he says he does want to go and I pay then he HAS to go. I'm going to phone the school tomorrow and have a chat about it all to see what they suggest. `

claire16c

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Sorry this won't help much, but having had 2 go on these trips (and I remember mine fondly), the kids who don't go are generally written off by the vast majority as having major issues and are referred to as such for the rest of their time at school. So keeping him off could make things worse for him.

Thats what happened at my school too.

I remember the 3 kids out of 60 who didnt go now. I know one of them now, and he still has problems to some extent about social situations now.

Also what I remember was when we came back to school, we did projects about stuff we'd done on the trip, and talked about it over and over. I felt really sorry for the kids who didnt go.

And ours was a 6 hour coach drive away for 6 nights so there was definitely no way a parent could pick anyone up! We werent allowed to contact our parents whilst we were away anyway.

I remember being a bit nervous in the morning but had a great time.

Trips at secondary school were different, they tended to be more expensive and maybe 1/4-1/3 of kids would go, but the yr 5 trip was pretty much expected that everyone went. I think the school paid if someone couldnt afford it.

Ames

I think I'd pay and just not mention it to him till nearer the time. It sounds like he's just having a wobble about being away from home for the first time. Do you think his friend's brother could have been winding them up? Things like 'x wet his bed, what a wuss', and planting 'what if' ideas in his head?

I guess it's a gamble, you need to think about what he'll be like when the time comes - will he go when the rest of the class do? I don't think how he's feeling right now is all that relevent.

The other thing to weigh up is whether the short term 'pain' is worth the long term gain from bonding, or the risk of long term pain from being the 'baby who stayed at home with mummy'. And I think the short term problems can be dealt with by just not talking about it for now (unless he wants to of course).

(I'm not a parent though so not sure my opinion counts for very much!)

looby75

Ames wrote: »

I think I'd pay and just not mention it to him till nearer the time. It sounds like he's just having a wobble about being away from home for the first time. Do you think his friend's brother could have been winding them up? Things like 'x wet his bed, what a wuss', and planting 'what if' ideas in his head?

I guess it's a gamble, you need to think about what he'll be like when the time comes - will he go when the rest of the class do? I don't think how he's feeling right now is all that relevent.

The other thing to weigh up is whether the short term 'pain' is worth the long term gain from bonding, or the risk of long term pain from being the 'baby who stayed at home with mummy'. And I think the short term problems can be dealt with by just not talking about it for now (unless he wants to of course).

(I'm not a parent though so not sure my opinion counts for very much!)

actually your post is brilliant! Parent or not you speak a lot of sense.

I'm not so bothered about him being left behind, I've asked around some of the parents via facebook (the school has an unofficial fb page set up by the parents) and at least 10 other kids in his year aren't going mainly because of financial reasons.

The brother really did have a horrible time, the old place really was on it's last legs and the head already said that they wouldn't be using it in future even before it was closed, I think the kids just have it in their heads all these kinds of places are a bit grim lol

suzyp1982

Hi,

Why dont you start inviting his friends around to your place to play and have sleepovers? if he gets a best friend who is going and is used to sharing a room with that person he'll feel more comfortable.

looby75

suzyp1982 wrote: »

Hi,

Why dont you start inviting his friends around to your place to play and have sleepovers? if he gets a best friend who is going and is used to sharing a room with that person he'll feel more comfortable.

great idea but unfortunatly it's not possible. We live in a 2 bedroom tiny house and ds has to share a bedroom with his 18 yr old sister. We just don't have the room

suzyp1982

looby75 wrote: »

great idea but unfortunatly it's not possible. We live in a 2 bedroom tiny house and ds has to share a bedroom with his 18 yr old sister. We just don't have the room

What about at his fathers address for the sleepovers? yours for teatime?