hidden debt and paying it back

Sparkles81_2

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Seems a good idea but means that you are putting it off. I can understand why you are doing so.

I know you are dreading it but I always feel that worrying about it is almost as bad.

Get it over and done with. Have you friends who would have the kids and you return the favour? I don't know what hours your OH works but could you get a couple of hours alone somehow?

Do be honest, I wouldn't spend hours discussing it the first time. He will need time to get angry, think about it and then hopefully work with you to address it.

To my mind you aren't going to need long the first time and if you have to get back to normal for the sake of the kids then it might give him a bit of breathing space to get his head around it (go out for a long walk etc etc)

Thinking of you.

Yes, you are right, we wont need long the first time. But I am still working out what to do. I think if I could get him to take a day of work, I could tell him after the kids have gone to school. Let him shout, then give him all the information I am gathering, leave it with him, and tell to ring me when he is ready to talk to me.

What do you think??

shopaholic2

Of course, I'm happy to help x

pmlindyloo

I don't think there is an easy answer as to when you tell him. I know you are trying to protect the kids (how old are they, by the way?) from a lot of shouting but I think you might be over worrying about this. Children pick up on 'atmospheres too' and let's face it there's going to be one for a while.

Children can cope with shouting and atmospheres if you are 'up front with them'. ''Dad and I are arguing but we're going to work it out and we are not angry with you and we both love you etc etc.'' Depend on the age of the children really.

You need to do what works for you and your family.

The next bit I am saying very gently.

I get the impression that you are putting it off by trying to delay things. Let's face it, there is never going to be a 'right time' - you just need to minimise the impact on the children as much as you can and then 'go for it'.

From the threads I read on here where people are in the same position as you the overwhelming response has been, 'yes, it was awful, but we got through it'.

I know it seems like the end of the world but there are far worse things you could be having to face up to. I know your OH is good with money etc but in the end it is only money and you have already started to do something about it.

You will get through this.

ginger_tony

I feel for your predicament god love you, but you know you have made a mistake and this must be knocking you ill and carrying this guilt around is a heavy burden. If you believe your hubby to be the person your saying he is he will rather have a wife who is healthy. He will scream, cry, shout and he has the right to be annoyed as you have kept this from him but after the initial blow up he will go away and think about this and if he can forgive you and you can both tackle this together and it will hopefully make you stronger as a couple, but please cut up the blooming credit cards the kids dont need stuff all the time they will adjust to what you can afford and a mum and dad who are healthy and happy.Good luck.

Sparkles81_2

the children are 7 and 8.

You are right there is never going to be a right time. I would love to tell him when he gets in from work tonight and get it over with. I am more worried about telling him than tackling the problem.

I have thought about a letter, text, email but whether you hear of people doing that everyone always says, thats the cowards way out. I owe to him to tell him to his face.

The first time I did this and had to tell, I just told him when got in from work, he went out and ran, came back and was fairly calm. This time, Im not so sure....its the 2nd time and a huge amount.

Sparkles81_2

ginger_tony wrote: »

I feel for your predicament god love you, but you know you have made a mistake and this must be knocking you ill and carrying this guilt around is a heavy burden. If you believe your hubby to be the person your saying he is he will rather have a wife who is healthy. He will scream, cry, shout and he has the right to be annoyed as you have kept this from him but after the initial blow up he will go away and think about this and if he can forgive you and you can both tackle this together and it will hopefully make you stronger as a couple, but please cut up the blooming credit cards the kids dont need stuff all the time they will adjust to what you can afford and a mum and dad who are healthy and happy.Good luck.

Thank you.

Sparkles81_2

sorry to keep sounding out on here. I have spent all day looking at this, but nothing can be done, till I tell him, can it.....

I have paperwork everywhere, advice from here, from the CCCS etc etc and my head is spinning....but until I tell him, nothing can be sorted.

I am just going to have to bite the bullet and do it, asap.

Signing off now....hope to be back on later to tell you how it went.

shopaholic2

Massive hug sparkles .. I'll be thinking of you chik xx

CompBunny

Good luck Sparkle, I hope everything works out OK for you - you're doing the right thing telling him I'm sure it will be a difficult evening for you both.

Thinking of you x

missladyannie

Good luck, thinking of you x