Please can you take your shoes off

Person_one

Nicki wrote: »

Asking people to remove their shoes in case they get your carpet dirty, is no different to refusing to offer them a cup of tea in case you have to wash the cup (and horrors they might spill some on the carpet!) or refusing to allow them to use your toilet, which has much more potential for unhygienic stains which need to be cleaned away

Good post, this is exactly the issue I think.

You're telling your guests that they at least partly an inconvenience and an intrusion.

Any

It's funny this issue, isn't it?

The way I was brought up, if someone refused to take their shoes off in your home they would be seen as that they think your home is dirty and they think less of you then themselves... They look down their nose at you.
But then in my culture it would not be ambigous, you would not have to ask, it would be normal to enter someones house and take their shoes off, unless told otherwise for when like workers were on the job and the place was covered in dust.
Somehow these cultures manage... but then my mother would never ever let a sock with a hole in it in our drawers!!:-))

Comparing cup and carpet is in my eyes the most ridiculous thing ever... you wash a cup in seconds and if it needs replacing you buy new one for a £1.

In my country you buy 1 carpet in your lifetime, perhaps 2 and it costs you perhaps 2 months wages..
To put new one down takes moving all furniture out, calling in workers etc etc..

I have to admitt though that I personally never had issue with it... people who only get as far as kitchen where there is wooden floor I don't care about, and close friends who are likely to run around the whole place including my cream carpets upstairs do take their shoes off.

P.S. It is about respect really, isn't it. To other people's property. And no, it's not about "respect to guest" as many here argue. Either you do look down your nose at me and think you are something better and therefore not respect my wishes in MY home, and then no I don't have respect for you either and I don't really care whether you enter or not, or you are my friend and you don't get a hump about it and look for offence, because we are friends.

peaceandfreedom

Fredula wrote: »

I don't see the problem with asking people to take their shoes off.

I look at it like this, it would be like me going round someones house and putting my feet all over their sofa. They wouldn't like that, would they? Or sitting on the arm of their sofa. You just wouldn't, would you. It's rude. Carpets, like sofa's, are expensive.

But carpets, and floors generally, are meant to be walked on. Sofas clearly are not.

Person_one

Any wrote: »

P.S. It is about respect really, isn't it. To other people's property. And no, it's not about "respect to guest" as many here argue. Either you do look down your nose at me and think you are something better and therefore not respect my wishes in MY home, and then no I don't have respect for you either and I don't really care whether you enter or not, or you are my friend and you don't get a hump about it and look for offence, because we are friends.

You're applying your culture's way of thinking to people who haven't grown up in it, that's pointless.

There are cultures where removing shoes is ubiquitous, it is in lots of East Asian countries, but the thing is that everybody knows, everybody agrees, it has a completely different significance than in this country where it isn't a long standing tradition.

Any

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

But carpets, and floors generally, are meant to be walked on. Sofas clearly are not.

No one is asking you to float around the house. Just to be considered about their condition.
If you were a car mechanic and you were in your dirty overall you would not sit on someones sofa in that, would you?
That is why car mechanics put cover on your car seats...

Any

Person_one wrote: »

You're applying your culture's way of thinking to people who haven't grown up in it, that's pointless.

There are cultures where removing shoes is ubiquitous, it is in lots of East Asian countries, but the thing is that everybody knows, everybody agrees, it has a completely different significance than in this country where it isn't a long standing tradition.

You might see it pointless, but someone here who actually started the thread and some others also don't find it so strange.

In any culture - your house, your rules. It is repeated over and over on this board.

I am not saying this is how it MUST be, I am just saying that it does work elsewhere and it is not necessarily wrong.

lilrahi

I have a shoe rack by the door and if someone doesn't I try and make a joke of it (depending on how well I know the person), like 'Oooh, someone forgot to take their shoes off' etc. But I have no problems if they still wear their shoes in the front room but insist when they come into the living room.

My 15-month old still crawls around and I would prefer the floor be clean as possible.

People think that just because I have laminate flooring, it's alright cos it's easier to clean and I'm like no, with your carpet you can just hoover and that will be OK. I have to hoover and then mop!!

The worst offender is my SIL and her husband. In their house, as soon as they enter they take their shoes off and then carry it into the store room by their kitchen. In my house, they always attempt to get away with their shoes on and they're the ones I always have to tell off!

Person_one

Any wrote: »

You might see it pointless, but someone here who actually started the thread and some others also don't find it so strange.

In any culture - your house, your rules. It is repeated over and over on this board.

I am not saying this is how it MUST be, I am just saying that it does work elsewhere and it is not necessarily wrong.

I meant its pointless to state one culture's way of doing things as the correct way, yes it is about respect for those cultures but its not for everybody!

My house my rules is not absolute anyway, is it?

If i had a house rule requiring people to remove any other item of clothing I would be considered rude. If I had a house rule that everybody who came in had to wash their hands before touching anything that would be rude, if I had a house rule that you have to stand in the kitchen to drink your tea that would be rude.

Person_one

lilrahi wrote: »

I have a shoe rack by the door and if someone doesn't I try and make a joke of it (depending on how well I know the person), like 'Oooh, someone forgot to take their shoes off' etc. But I have no problems if they still wear their shoes in the front room but insist when they come into the living room.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but the bolded is a really really patronising and annoying way to go about it. If you think its perfectly ok to ask then have the courage of your convictions and just ask!

lilrahi

Person_one wrote: »

I'm sorry to break it to you, but the bolded is a really really patronising and annoying way to go about it. If you think its perfectly ok to ask then have the courage of your convictions and just ask!

Like I said, it would depend on how well I knew the person. I wouldn't say that to my husband's boss or some casual acquaintance. Friends and family get that treatment and they know me enough to know patronage was not intended