When does extended breastfeeding become weird....

thatgirlsam

poet123 wrote: »

It is just a subject for discussion, it doesn't matter, everyone should do what suits them. The issue is whether the reasons given for doing it are the real reasons or if there are other factors in play. As I said, my friend would happily admit she fed for as long as she did for herself not necessarily to meet her child's needs, which were being met nutritionally by regular food. She was very honest about it.

It doesn't matter that we are discussing it but it does matter when our views and opinions make women feel like they are not 'doing it right' or 'could do better'

* i think i fall in the second category and i'm sure lots feel the same*

poet123

thatgirlsam wrote: »

It doesn't matter that we are discussing it but it does matter when our views and opinions make women feel like they are not 'doing it right' or 'could do better'

* i think i fall in the second category and i'm sure lots feel the same*

I agree with you and the reason I posted originally was that as with any breastfeeding thread the seemingly accepted line seemed to be that breastfeeding is the holy grail. That anyone not doing it is a lesser mother or doesn't care as much, that it is beyond understanding why a mother wouldn't do it etc, etc. Several posts went further, and Meriten compounds that by her posts.

Why do people want to push their choice, babies need feeding, who has the right to make those who feed differently to you feel they are less of a mother? And why would you want to? Yet we have seen that all through this thread.

I respect the choice of any woman to breastfeed, that same respect is not always accorded to those who bottle feed.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

It is just a subject for discussion, it doesn't matter, everyone should do what suits them. The issue is whether the reasons given for doing it are the real reasons or if there are other factors in play. As I said, my friend would happily admit she fed for as long as she did for herself not necessarily to meet her child's needs, which were being met nutritionally by regular food. She was very honest about it.

I would imagine though there to be a whole host of reasons. Every mum and every child is different.

Most of us have differing views as to what is best for our children.Perhaps some feel they are providing better nutrition by mixing the two? Perhaps they are perhaps they are not? As long as the child is happy and healthy where is the harm? Perhaps some do it for other reasons. I do not know of any cases where this has been detrimental to the child. Not for me personally, but then nor are a lot of other things that some people do.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

I agree with you and the reason I posted originally was that as with any breastfeeding thread the seemingly accepted line seemed to be that breastfeeding is the holy grail. That anyone not doing it is a lesser mother or doesn't care as much, that it is beyond understanding why a mother wouldn't do it etc, etc. Several posts went further, and Meriten compounds that by her posts.

Why do people want to push their choice, babies need feeding, who has the right to make those who feed differently to you feel they are less of a mother? And why would you want to? Yet we have seen that all through this thread.

I respect the choice of any woman to breastfeed, that same respect is not always accorded to those who bottle feed.

Poet, you do seem to have a bee in your bonnet about this. I do not read into some of these posts as you seem to be doing.

I cannot recall anyone saying that a mother that bottlefeeds is any less of a mother or is not doing the best by her baby. You come across as taking this rather personally which is a shame.

thatgirlsam

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Poet, you do seem to have a bee in your bonnet about this. I do not read into some of these posts as you seem to be doing.

I cannot recall anyone saying that a mother that bottlefeeds is any less of a mother or is not doing the best by her baby. You come across as taking this rather personally which is a shame.

Ah I don't agree.. if you read through the thread you will see comments and pick up the undertone that bottle feeding mothers are just not in the same league

I am really sorry to say but it is just a reflection of true life, as this is what happens to so, so many women who chose not to breastfeed

They are well and truly judged by other mums and I'm sorry to say some healthcare professionals who are employed to support them

I am really glad if that has not been your experience but I could show you plenty of women who have been made to feel like that

poet123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Poet, you do seem to have a bee in your bonnet about this. I do not read into some of these posts as you seem to be doing.

I cannot recall anyone saying that a mother that bottlefeeds is any less of a mother or is not doing the best by her baby. You come across as taking this rather personally which is a shame.

Poppy, Person One said it, and others have implied it. Both Sam and GR picked up on those posts too if you look back. Meritan has stated bottle fed babies are not as comforted during feeding, there have been other posts which implied similar if you look carefully.

I do take it personally, in as much as I think about young mums such as the one on the other thread who was tying herself in knots and making herself ill trying and failing to BF because she "didn't want to disadvantage" her child academically by bottle feeding. How big a burden is that to carry? Especially when all the data is inconclusive. So, if I can redress the balance I am going to keep on posting about it when the need arises. Like Sam says it does matter from that perspective.

POPPYOSCAR

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Ah I don't agree.. if you read through the thread you will see comments and pick up the undertone that bottle feeding mothers are just not in the same league

I am really sorry to say but it is just a reflection of true life, as this is what happens to so, so many women who chose not to breastfeed

They are well and truly judged by other mums and I'm sorry to say some healthcare professionals who are employed to support them

I am really glad if that has not been your experience but I could show you plenty of women who have been made to feel like that

I have read through the thread and I just do not see it.

I read people as expressing their opinions that they think breast feeding is best etc. and that they wish everyone would give it a go. But I honestly do not recall them saying or implying that women who do not are somehow 'second rate'.

I agree that breastfeeding advocates can be over the top but I have not seen it here.

I am sorry if health professionals have made bottlefeeding mothers feel judged, that is clearly wrong. But I do not see trying to encourage mothers to breastfeed as being 'judged'. If if is the accepted view by the health profession that they should be promoting breastfeeding, they cannot be blamed for doing this, the same as promoting '5 a day' for example, or getting flu jabs etc.

That being said, when a woman has made her choice one way or the other, that choice should be fully respected by everyone as being the right choice for her and her baby and no one should be made to feel any the less for their decision, no matter what that choice might be.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

Poppy, Person One said it, and others have implied it. Both Sam and GR picked up on those posts too if you look back. Meritan has stated bottle fed babies are not as comforted during feeding, there have been other posts which implied similar if you look carefully.

I do take it personally, in as much as I think about young mums such as the one on the other thread who was tying herself in knots and making herself ill trying and failing to BF because she "didn't want to disadvantage" her child academically by bottle feeding. How big a burden is that to carry? Especially when all the data is inconclusive. So, if I can redress the balance I am going to keep on posting about it when the need arises. Like Sam says it does matter from that perspective.

Where has Person One said this? All I can see is their opinion and how they think it should be. I think they are entitled to their opinion. I still cannot recall anyone actually saying that women who bottlefeed are lesser mothers.

I did not see the thread you refer to so do not know what was being said to her, but I would say that is a failing by those around her to recogonise her anquish and fully support her.

Incidentally, just why are health professionals pushing breastfeeding if the data is inconclusive? Surely there must be regulations covering this sort of thing?

meher

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Poet, you do seem to have a bee in your bonnet about this. I do not read into some of these posts as you seem to be doing.

I cannot recall anyone saying that a mother that bottlefeeds is any less of a mother or is not doing the best by her baby. You come across as taking this rather personally which is a shame.

Sorry, you're wrong probably because you misunderstand her, Oscar. Some of us have no reason to take it personally when we have a genuine interest in pursuing some values.

Speaking for myself, I find control freakery in all forms, regardless of the subject in hand, to be revolting. And I can see that's what the insightless and illinformed lactivists are doing here by imposing their breastfeeding lifestyle on other mothers. I take issue with this because it is folks like these, who believe they know what's best for the next person, in this instance based on junk science and oldwives tales, who create misery in people's lives. And I've seen poet being vocal against illiberlism as she finds it and she's no different on this topic.

poet wrote: »

If a child is getting the required nutrition from other sources as they should be by the age of 12 months plus, then comfort feeding is not necessary. If you have to feed to comfort your child you are doing something wrong. At what age then do you start to do things differently? Prior to that the child is feeding and taking comfort fro that feed by bottle or breast.

I find your analogy inappropriate to be honest, the reasons behind feeding a child and how you give it comfort during that process are entirely separate from the other function of the breast. Therefore holding a child closely as you feed gives the same level of comfort regardless of method. I feel quite sorry if you cant see that the bond between mother and child is not breast dependent.

excellent post - one that I was waiting for because it explains for my restless :snow_grin mind as to why some of them are so hell bent on proving that they are The paragons of good motherhood. Whilst I'm compassionate about their insecure state of mind, I'm not willing to excuse their shortcomings and let them dictate other people's lives.

thatgirlsam

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Where has Person One said this? All I can see is their opinion and how they think it should be. I think they are entitled to their opinion. I still cannot recall anyone actually saying that women who bottlefeed are lesser mothers.

I did not see the thread you refer to so do not know what was being said to her, but I would say that is a failing by those around her to recogonise her anquish and fully support her.

Incidentally, just why are health professionals pushing breastfeeding if the data is inconclusive? Surely there must be regulations covering this sort of thing?

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion.. but when you say things like.. 'you all have to do things you don't want to, like buy a car seat... tough' and equate that to breastfeeding, then what that is really saying is.. 'you may not want to breatsfeed, but you have to.. tough'

And yes, that is someones opinion.. just opinion.. but it doesn't take away from the meaning of what they are saying does it?

I just find this world a tiny bit scarier when I see comments like that!

And no offence to person-one.. I actually honestly respect her, she is very wise at times and we are very similar people in many respects and views