Only child

Spirit_2

Miss Spirit is 24 and an only child, I am 1 of 4 my Oh has a sister. I dislike my brother and have limited contact with one of my sisters based on a bigger age gap and not a lot of common interests.

Would have liked more children but they never came along, from DD's perspective that was a good thing!

Our daughter is closer to cousins and well loved by her aunts, she makes an efforto stay in touch with them..she values that family link.

We often invited her friends on holiday with us when she was 10 to teenage as that was atime when peer group company added a bit more fun.

Having only one child has also meant we could afford to pay for school,pony, travel, university,driving lessons, car. We are forunate in that she has a great work ethic and is naturally generous so she has had a job alongside studying since 17 and is careful and considerate of others at birthdays and Christmas, so not selfish or spoilt. We do have to let her stand on her own two feet financially as it is tempting to help too much.

She has had to face a couple of traumatic events, including an incident where both OH and I were at risk, and from those events I have seen how she will draw on the wider family and friends that she has to support her when the time comes.

I really do want to see her 'settled' in her own family but know it wont be anytime soon, and that despite our own happy long lasting marriage not all families are the same, so she will find her own path and 'be herself' based on more influences than being an only child.

The only curved ball that took us by surprise has been how attached we became to her now ex long term boyfriend as for us it was a fabulous 'boy' to indulge and when they parted after 4 years we missed him terribly (still do!) as it had been like gaining another family member and the household felt more complete.

enya_ntfc

Sally_A wrote: »

As a total aside....only children are great at being comfortable on their own, and tend to have better imaginations.

Recently found my old Monopoly set in the roof with ancient score sheets; I played against my soft toys, Teddy, Peter Panda and Edward Bear. Despite me rolling the dice for all of us Peter Panda won!

Binks Bunny, and Tiddler the bear must have been away that day!

I think that proves I am totally honest, and will use that old bit of paper in any court in the land! :rotfl::rotfl:

I used to do things like that :rotfl:In fact I had my own imaginary school and I used to read to it while sitting on the loo. I plan to train as a teacher haha.

enya_ntfc

WhiteHorse wrote: »

Cubs and Scouts, or the Army, Sea, or Air cadets. Sports, hiking or other such clubs. This would do any child a great deal of good.

Joined Girl Guiding in 1996...and I'm still there :rotfl:(I'm a leader haha)

pinkclouds

ClareEmily wrote: »

As he gets older any advice on how to stop him feeling lonely?

If it fits in with your plans/finances, then a boarding school with excellent pastoral care might be worthwhile. I've been told it's like being part of a huge family. Of course, it depends on the child and the "right" school. And it's hard being parted from your child for term-time. Anyway, just something to consider...

liney

My DS7 will be an only child. He doesn't want a brother or sister, as they will 'wreck my room and annoy me, like X's brother does.' LOL He is outgoing, and will join in with any activity on when on holidays, or at parties and is quick to make friends. He went to football camp for a few days in the summer with a friend, and I took him and some friends to leisure centre activities to keep them out of trouble, and a local church holiday club which he thought was great. He attends two sports clubs and has friends round when he asks for tea, or for a day a week in the school holidays - other parents invite him in return.

I expect to have a house full when he's old enough for them to tag along on the way home from school, but that's fine.

As long as you have daily one to one time with him, and make his friends welcome he'll be fine. You might find you spend more time at organised activities when he's older because he wants to do things with his friends and you feel they need to be 'doing something' instead of just being around to play.

Person_one

pinkclouds wrote: »

If it fits in with your plans/finances, then a boarding school with excellent pastoral care might be worthwhile. I've been told it's like being part of a huge family. Of course, it depends on the child and the "right" school. And it's hard being parted from your child for term-time. Anyway, just something to consider...

You're kidding, surely?

Children who have a loving family don't need to go to boarding school to find an artificial one! OP was asking how to compensate for the lack of sibling relationships, I hardly think damaging the parent/child relationship by spending most of the year apart is the answer.

pinkclouds

Person_one wrote: »

You're kidding, surely?

Children who have a loving family don't need to go to boarding school to find an artificial one! OP was asking how to compensate for the lack of sibling relationships, I hardly think damaging the parent/child relationship by spending most of the year apart is the answer.

It was just a suggestion. Youngest BIL went to boarding school (at his request) and loved it. A friend of mine went to (a different) boarding school and didn't like it. Depends on the child - and the school. If it suits the child, then there's no question that it gives them a wide circle of close friends that they spend a lot of time with. Of course, it doesn't suit every child. I have friends who homeschool because that's what suits their kids best.

gizmodo_2

Hubby and I are both only children. I had loads of friends growing up and had the best of both worlds. The only thing I would have ever wanted a sibling for was company on holiday - but my parents were great and helped me make friends with other children on holiday - although they made a few mistakes in picking some holiday destinations that didn't have other kids around! So there's a tip for you

Other than that I was in clubs and groups to help me make friends like horse rangers and guides, I went camping and my parents were also able to afford for me to go on school trips etc that perhaps I wouldn't have been able to go on if I had siblings.

dondo

I have experience of both- I am an only child myself but a father of 2

Being an only child was OK but I did feel (and still do on occasion) at times a lot of pressure was on me to do everything that was expected (or more accurately what my folks wanted me to do- often without my consulatation) because it was the "done" thing. But thats not to say that was anything per se to do with being an only child- more so a wee bit of pushy parenting!

When my wife and I discussed having kids we always wanted an even number and as time was against us 2 is what we had- we have a 5 yr old daughter and a 3 yr old son. Yes it is hard work as there can be a great deal of sibling rivalry and finanncially it will be a squeeze but am so glad we did have 2.

I would, however, have been happy with one and would of ensured that i didn't fall into the pushy parent bit like sometime happened to me.

As others have said there is plenty of scope for your child to integrate with others- something like Tumble Tots or other things like that are good

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

My DD is 4 and will be an only child (8 years to conceive).

I have made sure she mixes with lots of people, her own age and older. She's gone to many different toddler groups from being tiny.

She also went to childminder once a week from 2 so she was used to being cared for my someone that wasn't a family member. From 3 pre-school 2.5 days a week.

She's in Reception at school and loving it.

Because of the lack of anyone to play with at home, she goes to gymnastics twice a week, dance class and swimming classes once a week. This also means that she's mixing with people other than school friends.

We are fortunate in that we do have a lot of family around us, but bar one cousin they are all a lot older than her.