Only child

Lucy1973

My 17 year old son is an only child(well he wont be next month when my daughter is due LOL). Luckily he is very similar in age and close to his cousin. I always socialised my son from a young age,taking him to play groups,tumble tots etc:)

Hermia

There are so many activities for kids to do that there is no reason an only child should not have great social skills. The only kids I know go to so many groups that they have a better social life than many adults! If you do have an only child it is definitely worth getting them meeting other kids from early on, but I think that is all you have to do.

As a happy only child I think it can have benefits. From an early age I could amuse myself and consequently I don't think I have said I was bored in my life! I feel I did better at school because I was more skilled at talking to adults. I also felt I was a lot more unconventional than my schoolfriends who seemed very influenced by their siblings. If your kid has some amazing talent or is exceptionally intelligent it will mean you can spend all your time and resources helping them achieve their goals.

elantan

my husband is an only child and never felt loney at all he was always out playing with various friends ... i have 7 brothers and 3 sisters ... i felt all alone ... i still dont feel llike i have any brothers and sisters ( i dont talk to my side of the family)

when we had our son, like you i had a bit of a hard time, so there was never going to be a second child ... what we did was have loads of kids over alot of the time, our house was always heaving with young boys ( and the occasional girl) he had sleep overs atleast once a month where two or three friends would get to stay, we would have games films etc for them to all do .... the next day they would be up early and we would be out for a nature walk

he was also in so many clubs it cost us a fortune ... swimming twice a week, ju jitsu three times a week etc ... he would also play golf, tennis, go to the pictures, skating etc with friends ... the good thing about having just one was there was no sibling rivalry ... he had his friends over and they all got on like a house on fire ... away building gang huts etc ...

our sons friends often pop in for a chat or phone up to see how we are ... and often talk about how they loved coming to our place as they knew that they were safe, could have fun etc ( some of my sons friends had a really rotten childhood)

the bad thing about having one kid ( well our one kid) ... as he was so used to having people over all the time he now struggles to live on his own ... he has his own place and has a friend living there ... he says it helps out with the bills ( and it does) but its more about him being alone

husband and myself see it as we brought up more than one kid ( and we did ... we had a nephew living here when things were bad at home... we also fed and clothed a few of sons friends.. took them on holidays etc) it was exhausting and hard work ... the cost was huge ... but we wouldnt have had it any other way ... now however we are enjoying the peace and quiet

Caroline_a

I am an only child and, apart from holidays when we went away, I dont remember being lonely as I had lots of friends. However, there are a lot of answers on here that imply that the child is the total centre of the parent's universe, which as an only child you are. But the pressure from that can be immense. I know I was 'expected' to go to uni, and to do things correctly. I gave up one hobby that was a passion of my father's when I got to uni as I actually hadn't want to do it for a long time - but hadn't felt able to give it up due to the 'expectations' that were put on me.

I found out after my dad had died in one of his diaries that he had never forgiven me for this. Pressure, eh? and guilt if you do try to go against what is expected. I always felt that if I'd have had brothers and sisters that this pressure would have been diluted.

Just a thought..

sassyblue

Hi OP, my DS will sadly be an only child but l think life is what you make it. It doesn't follow that if you have siblings you'll be happier or not lonely. In fact an only child only knows NOT having siblings - and what they've never had they've never lost if you understand? Our house is always an open house for him to ask his friends round.

If l've ever asked my son if he wants a brother or sister he's never said yes, the little tinker already understands he gets all the attention and he doesn't want to lose that. :rotfl:

Caroline_a, was it a long time before he died your father wrote that? Try to ignore it, he may have wrote it in anger one day.

dumpy

Molly41 wrote: »

I have posted the same reply before on a similar thread so forgive me for repeating myself.
I am an only child and was desperately lonely as a child and now an adult with elderly and eccentric parents. I remember praying for a sibling but it was not to be.


Your call entirely and you have to do what you think is right for your family.

To put another side to this, I have a brother who does nothing for our parents.

As they get older I know that I'm going to do everything (that I'm not doing already), so having siblings does not mean that you will have help.

CBH88

I'm an only child, and everyone is always really surpised to learn this about me because I don't fulfill the only child 'stereotype'. My parents made sure they always invited plenty of children round when I was growing up and never spoilt me materially, and I was always considered 'mature' because I was used to the company of adults.

I suppose now that I am older I can see some of my traits as those of an only child- I would say I am quite attention seeking in terms of love and affection from my partner, and I don't respond well to criticism. I also tend to get fed up of social situations and large crowds and like to spend time alone.

But I think the best thing you can do is try to encourage your child to be as sociable as possible, and fill the house with other kids when you can bear it!

enya_ntfc

I'm an only child too, I used to play by myself a fair bit thus meaning I have a great imagination! I used to want a sister/brother when I was younger as all my mates did but got over that, I never really felt lonely anyway.

I like CBH88 like to be on my own, I hate going shopping with friends I'd much rather go on my own - in a way I am more independent. I also get on better with people who are older than me. I'd also be perfectly happy living on my own.

One I thing I'd say is get some pets, I'm 20 and have only spent 18 months of my life without a dog. They really do make great friends for all ages :jEven now I'd say my 2 dogs are my best friends!

The only thing is it will up to the only child to look after you when you are older, but it tends to come down to one family memeber anyway. Things like wills are easily sorted - I will inherit everything my parents have when they are gone. Where as if I had siblings it would be tougher (I know this from my parents siblings ha!)

Caroline_a

sassyblue wrote: »

Caroline_a, was it a long time before he died your father wrote that? Try to ignore it, he may have wrote it in anger one day.

Oh I have to accept it because I know that even if I had known that I would have made the same decision to give up the hobby - it wasn't my thing, even though I was good at it. He wrote it in a journal around 10 years after I had given up, so it wasn't in anger. However I've always made sure that my kids have an 'out' for whatever hobbies they've done - no matter the investment in time or money, it's their decision to do it, not mine - I was only the 'backstop' to help facilitate them to do the activity.

Molly41

dumpy wrote: »

To put another side to this, I have a brother who does nothing for our parents.

As they get older I know that I'm going to do everything (that I'm not doing already), so having siblings does not mean that you will have help.

I agree and the grass is always greener?

However my lived experience of being an only child was and is miserable. Who knows what it might have been like? I will never know.