Only child

ClareEmily

Hi there

My little boy is now 15 months old and likely to be an only child (took 6 years to conceive him, and I am now 35, I also had a horrid pregnancy and birth, my hubby is 7 years older), he is also unlikely to have any cousins either. Also financially we really can't afford another child.

My main worry is that he will be lonely growing up, and have no one to talk to once we get older (I get on well with my sister and chat to her every day). Hopefully he will have his own family and plenty of friends of course.

At the moment I take him to many mum and toddler groups and he has a best mate who is 2 weeks older than him, and he is a sociable little boy.

As he gets older any advice on how to stop him feeling lonely?

Thanks

January20

My dd is 19 and is an only child. She always says that she loves being an only child and didn't miss having siblings. She has lots of friends, is very sociable and outgoing.

Advice? Always make his friends welcome. We've always had children for tea or sleepovers, and even now dd will often bring friends home unexpectedly. I'm lucky she has nice friends.

My experience with my own siblings is different to yours. I get on very well with one, but we don't speak everyday, and I don't get on at all with the other. There are never guarantees than siblings will get along as they grow up and remain close.

Sally_A

I am an only child, so is hubby, so is our daughter.

And after hearing about some of the christmas holiday horror stories, I bet half the population wish they were too!

I guess your real worry would be what if something happened to you or your hubby, I had nothing legal drawn up, but have a very good mate, and we agreed we would look after each others and be their guardians, should the worst happen.

Benefits - you can afford the after school sports clubs, it's far easier to get one child to stay at a mates overnight if you want to go out, similarly when you return the favour, it's only one extra kiddie in the house - and so many more. At a later date you may think they'll be bored on holiday etc - well you can afford to take his best friend with you, as you've not been forking out for another child for x years.

ClareEmily

Many thanks for this January20

VfM4meplse

ClareEmily wrote: »

As he gets older any advice on how to stop him feeling lonely?

I'm not sure it is as simple as integrating your DS now. Strange as it may sound, although I am one of three I often feel like an only child - we all go our separate ways. I don't know what the answer may be, other than to impress upon him the importance of forming and sustaining good relationships as he grows up.

tenmah

Having siblings doesn't mean he wouldn't be lonely. I know plenty of siblings who don't get on at all and fight like cat and dog, whereas friends can be as close as family - even better because you get to choose them.

I am one of four and as we have got older we have drifted apart - our own families and lives take over and we don't see each other as much as we should, especially living in the same town.

My daughter is an only child and she has always wanted a sibling, but if I had more we perhaps wouldn't have been able to do the things we did together financially because money would have had to stretch that much further.

I am sure your son will make friends easily, and with your loving support will become a well rounded boy.

ClareEmily

Great stuff Sally A thanks

Js_Other_Half

Ds has recently turned 5, and I am reluctantly accepting he will probably be an only child. He went to nursery for 3 days a week since he was 1 and I got to know some of the families who lived near us. I also attend play groups etc and saw which children he got on well with, and suggested a coffee afterwards their parent/carer.
I invited children and parents over for lunch occasionally, and they reciprocated. Recently over the school holidays I invited friend from down the street for a play and lunch, and his mother issued a reciprocal invitation the following week.

I don't think kids of his age actually get lonely as such? I have encouraged him to learn how to play by himself as I refuse to be constantly involved in his games. Something I am very aware of is the behaviour of some only children being very self centre (Dad is an only child). With this in mind I have encouraged him to be kind to other people, and to think about their feelings. We also have firm boundaries in place about his behaviour, as I want him to be socially adept?

I know a colleague to has a teenage only son, and she tells me she encouraged his friends to meet at their house and gave them space to do their own thing (within reason!).

Anyone else have any thoughts for ages 5 upwards ?

Money_maker

I used to worry about this with DD (4) as her brothers are teenagers and they grew up together. Having spoken to someone who was one of several, she hated having siblings and did not have a very happy childhood. Try to remember that this is all he will have known so this is your worry and not his. Was also shocked that surveys have revealed that single children say they were happier - I always thought it was the opposite.

balletshoes

i agree that if thats all he knows, he's not likely to worry about it too much, as thats normal for him iyswim. my dd is an only, she's 10 and has rarely mentioned siblings at all, although all her friends have at least one. I've always encouraged her same-age cousin and friends to visit, have sleepovers etc.

Mojisola

Money_maker wrote: »

Was also shocked that surveys have revealed that single children say they were happier - I always thought it was the opposite.

As long as parents make an effort to link up with the child's friends, most kids would enjoy having all their parents' attention, owning all the toys in the house, never having to share, no siblings to tease or irritate you, extra money available because there's only one child's clubs and interests to fund, etc!

There are some drawbacks but there are some for the children with siblings, too.