Telling your partner about debt...

=booboo=

glad it went well and youll both be stronger for this ... well done and good luck for the future!!

emma2105

glad to hear things have cooled off a bit!! definitly will make your relationship stronger without a doubt.

Good luck for the furture

anh1904

Excellent it has started to work out.

My wife knew all about my debt from the start, not necessarily how much, but I owed a fair wad. When she had financial problems, she knew I would know the "way out" so we sat down and made a plan, that was when we shared all the gory details, together with how we were going to play our way through and get out of debt altogether.

I think by being totally honest you've done the right thing, if it does end the relationship, and it's not because you have lost her trust (that's the tough bit - and maybe you need to find the right way to explain to her why you didn't or couldn't tell her before), then maybe she wasn't "The One" after all ... I presume you have a plan to escape from the debt situation, and that you shared that with her, so she can understand why you may have less than she might have thought to spend on each other or on the good life, but you really have, categorically, done the right thing and well done for doing it.

We took a few risks on our escape plan, by investing spare cash rather than paying off debt, and for us it has worked, we are lucky to have access to scary amounts of credit as we both earn decent money, and have a perfect payment record which has meant a few 0% rollovers when required (£40k now on 0%!). Still owe a small mortgage in unsecured debt, but that will all be gone inside the next 20 months. I hope you enjoy similar if not better success.

sizzors

Hi

I just wanted to offer you my support and try to say that I'm sure it will all be OK.

I was in exactly them same position back in June. I'd built up debts, consolidated them with loans & built them up again. This became a way of life and I always thought I'd cope with it and didnt want to burden my partner. Every time I cleared my debts I'd always say...this is the last time but low and behold I'd always end up deeper in debt. I got to the point where I was robbing peter to pay paul, scrimping and being thoroughly miserable. My partner always asked 'is it money?' - he'd even helped me clear debts back in the day too. This was part of the reason I couldn't face telling him..he's said we could get married when I was debt free. I felt like a complete fraud and realised that now nearly £27k in debt I couldnt carry on. I didnt want him to pay it off for me, I simply wanted to be open & honest. I did tell him and to say he was angry is an understatement. It was horrible. He was so disappointed but like so many have said..not about the money but the deception. I took advice from a couple of debt companies and decided that unless I tackled this myself I'd never take responsibility. I went into an IVA which was accepted in September and have not looked back since. No more sleepless nights, no avoiding the phone and me & the OH are on another level altogether. Love does conquer all, it just takes time to heal. He knows I didnt do it to hurt him, I was simply trying to protect him and not burden him further. He loves me more than ever and even more for fessing up. Don't put off sorting the debts out - part of his forgiveness was seeing me facing by debt & sorting it out. Chin up - you'll be OK.

Sonic_The_Hedgehog

As mentioned over this week,, reality check for new year n all, my debts have been the top of my mind...

Isn't it difficult to find time to 'talk' these days, with TV, internet, household jobs, phone calls, and other 'news' to chat about, and before bed and over dinner is rarely ideal is it? and before bed time I tend to think about everything!

My GF was talking about visiting her friiends and family miles away, and TBH my time and money is too short to use for this so shes happy to go alone anyway, but it was a opportunity in teh drive home to get onto the subject of my money worries. She took it OK, its nothing wholly new as news for her but I did pick a bad time really after her stressful busy day at work, never a good time for anything serious! :-/ As a result its an 'unfinished' chat.

Still I feel a lot better, she did suggest more swappage to 0% cards but getting tired that trick now. I'm feeling better after reading other stories/situations on this forum and site. cheers I have some workable ideas now which I'll document in my own threads.

Funnyman, well done, somehow sharing makes it easier to stick to plans and resolutions and admission rather than hiding or ignoring makes you more serious about fixing probs, or tidying up.
I agree the most difficult thing is the old tiking timebombs of life which women are aware of. Men too have goals and ambitions. Find a workable way round this issue, truly afordable realistic effective repayments and work out what savings you can make and what vices you can cut back on, get back in control in a permanent way and life should get back on track, and partners should respect this and still let you/us get on applying sensitive help when required...

Good luck, keep us posted.

Marco_Panettone

You can now plan your future together, together! An honest and open (ooh err!!) relationship is stronger, less stressful and easier.

missey12

I have written a letter as you are right the words just wont come out and even if they did my OH would be so angry he wouldnt hear.:( I am hoping that My OH will read the letter think about things and be prepared to talk
I dont know when or where i will give him the letter I just know im sick of lying im sick in my stomache but cant take the stress any more I think he might leave
but if i dont tell him he would not be with the right person he deserves better .
i hope you get the response you want good luck