Telling your partner about debt...

funnyman123

Marco_Panettone wrote: »

...she may well have been planning you future together based on what she thought she knew. These dreams could've been shattered by your news.

That's the bit that scares me the most.

emma2105 - Thank you for your support, I need it.

BlushingRose - I'm sorry you had to be on the receiving end of this kind of revelation. I'm terrified of how she will react.

*big breath*

=booboo=

Just remember, youve done the right thing! It wouldnt of been better to keep quiet.

rdchick

Hiya

I have been there and got the t-shirt both on the receiving and dealing end. When I was at uni I started going out with a guy who was much older than me and we decided we would move in together, I knew he had some debts but I didn't know the extent, it was quite substantial... anyways, it was pretty devestating to see the amount he had racked up but I was more upset for him rather than against him because at the end of the day as someone said before, it's only money, you can get through things. Anyhoo... the guys debt was so bad that it crippled me financially too... I wasn't strong enough to say that's it we're not going to move we will go and live with our parents, which is what I wanted and if we had who knows we might have stayed together instead I was dragged into debt too and hence why I am here!

Now I am with 'the one' who earns almost tripple my wage, has some debt but like 1 credit card and an overdraft, much less than what I have... I had to tell him how bad things had got when he saw me in tears when I thought I was going to be defaulted on one of my accounts... he was sad that I couldn't tell him before but he said he would do anything to help ease the burden. I make sure I pay 100% of my debt, it's mine not his, and he knows that I want to be debt free but he has helped me by letting me pay a little bit less for the rent or whatever. So what I am saying is well done for not leaving it too late and it should all be ok. She loves you and as long as she knows you will never hide anything from her again and that you explain why you haven't told her before she should understand.

Good luck sweet xxx

BlushingRose

Try and remember that if she loves you, she will get over the shock and you both will be stronger because of this.
Make sure you apologise about the email - (and this isn't helpful) - but perhaps writing a letter ans then sitting with her while she read it might have been better.
Just be honest, make sure you tell her everything, and then try and give her time - answer all her questions with full honesty.

rdchick

PS: just be 100% honest, don't hide anything, be calm, frank and in control. She might go mad, she might be angry, she might be upset but these are things you should expect. It's big news but tell her you have a plan to get out of it. you could even show her this thread xxx

pps: writing an email is something I would have done, don't be ashamed of doing it... it's just the way we are!

funnyman123

BlushingRose wrote: »

Make sure you apologise about the email - (and this isn't helpful) - but perhaps writing a letter ans then sitting with her while she read it might have been better.

That's the first thing I'm going to do.

I intended to write a letter and sit with her while she read it but once I'd written it I needed to tell her there and then.

I know that's selfish but I didn't want to talk myself out of telling her by waiting for her to get home.

funnyman123

rdchick wrote: »

PS: just be 100% honest, don't hide anything, be calm, frank and in control. She might go mad, she might be angry, she might be upset but these are things you should expect. It's big news but tell her you have a plan to get out of it. you could even show her this thread xxx

pps: writing an email is something I would have done, don't be ashamed of doing it... it's just the way we are!

Thank you.

camuk81

Explain the email is the only way you could face it as you felt ashamed to tell her to her face?

BlushingRose

funnyman123 wrote: »

That's the first thing I'm going to do.

I intended to write a letter and sit with her while she read it but once I'd written it I needed to tell her there and then.

I know that's selfish but I didn't want to talk myself out of telling her by waiting for her to get home.

Not selfish - human.
Just make sure it's one of things you chat about. Tell her your reasons for doing it by email. Be honest in your feelings too, no tears unless they're genuine.

funnyman123

This is quite easily the longest afternoon of my life...