Telling your partner about debt...

funnyman123

=booboo= wrote: »

In my experience, it is far better you told her than she found out later on!

Tell me about it.

=booboo= wrote: »

Personally, my debts were nothing compared to my GF's, in fact, so insignificant it barely registered, but i still nearly lost her.

What was it that made you almost lose her?

And thanks for your good luck wishes, I think I'm going to need it.

camuk81

Maybe its the shock of the email. Explain you haven't felt the right time to speak to her and you haven't wanted to ruin a perfect time together over Christmas.

However it has solidified the fact you love and she is the one and therefore you are thinking about your future together, a house, marriage maybe children and before you go any further she needs to be aware, because this could impact of the hopes you have for the future.

ceeforcat

Don't suppose you would consider showing her how serious you are by asking her to 'look after the finances' from now on and show her the cut up credit cards?

Good Luck!

=booboo=

funnyman123 wrote: »

What was it that made you almost lose her?

The not telling her part, she had an inckling for about 12 months and although i was kinda staying on top of it, i never really motivated myself to deal with the debts properly, one day, she saw a letter for a debt id been struggling with and made her question what else there was lurking in my bg.

See, she had been honest from day one about her o/d. and although my debts only totalled hundreds, id kinda not said anything.

All behind us now though, i got off my ar*e, did everything i could and was completely transparent about it all.

It wasnt the money, it was the honesty, and believe me i learnt!

funnyman123

ceeforcat wrote: »

Don't suppose you would consider showing her how serious you are by asking her to 'look after the finances' from now on and show her the cut up credit cards?

I'm 100% prepared to do that.

Bored

I don't think asking her to look after the finances is a good idea personally, I think it is definitely better to handle it yourself and prove to her that you can be financially responsible. It might help to show her that you have a plan to reduce your debts, you are sticking to a budget, etc.

emma2105

Hi i didnt want to read and run (as they say) i havent had any experience with this myself but i just wanted to send you good luck and as people have said above its only money. Im sure you know that the main reason she's angry/upset is probably the trust issue.

Once its all out in the open and you have cleared the air then you will feel 1000000 times better.

anyways update us all on how you get on tonight! Worry is a horrible thing and i am a BIG worrier! i lose sleep etc over the smallest things.

All the best and i have my fingers crossed for you!

Emma

BlushingRose

I've been on the other side of this.
Mr BR & I (we're not actually married yet, and won't be now for at least another 8 years by the looks of it) were happy, and both working, me in a temp position and him in a full time one. We'd go out for meals, he'd buy me presents, I moved in with him and then after about a year of being together - bam - one night he bursts into tears and tells me that he has no money.
I ask him what he means and he tells me that the money has run out (I'd had no idea what he was earning and just assumed that things were fine and we could afford all the good living). He then became terrified that I would leave him once he'd told me. I didn't. I was angry, I was upset and I was scared, and to be honest I probably wasn't very supportive to begin with, I was narky and mean and sarcastic for a while. Then I got over it and we started dealing with it together - until 2 years later when he told me about some more debt. I went spare and we didn't have a great time of it. We then got a bit naive and he went to the bank, we got a consolidation loan and all was lovely again, except it wasn't, and finally, in December we had out lightbulb moment - both of us - and now we're starting life on a DMP.

So, in conclusion, tell her, have a full, frank and honest conversation and expect a rough ride for a bit, but, if she loves you. if you are her 'one' then she will come around, support you and all will be togetherness.
Good luck, please make sure to come and let us know how you get on.

Marco_Panettone

Good luck with this. No personal experience of your situation, but remember that she may well have been planning you future together based on what she thought she knew. These dreams could've been shattered by your news.

Whatever happens make sure you deal with the debt problem - having a plan in place will help her see that you ARE responsible and things will be ok.

BlushingRose

Marco_Panettone wrote: »

remember that she may well have been planning you future together based on what she thought she knew.

yep, that's something that I'm still trying to come to terms with.