How to help someone.

scheming_gypsy

Sounds like a job for Kim and Aggie.

Lotus-eater

Sounds like a job for a few skips, a childrens protection officer and a police officer to escort these "parents" to jail.

WhiteHorse

merlin68 wrote: »

I went round a relatives the other day and the house was disgusting. they have 5 kids and 2 dogs. The garden was full of dog poo. The house was so bad the kids were all on the floor nowhere to eat anything or sit down. There was just carp everywhere. They seem to eat takeaway every night.

People like this will take everything you have to give and then step over your body.

Leave well alone.

Oldernotwiser

richardvc wrote: »

To all of you pointing out how much benefits they do or don't receive, the OP posted to see how / if he could or should help his relations.

Whilst their way of life maybe totally opposed to our standards this was a post about someone knowing if and when to intervene for the better and not the usual judgemental post about benefit claimants.

As the only person who's mentioned the amount these relatives receive, I'll answer this.

I mentioned the money they get because it seemed to me to help narrow the options down because this family obviously have no need of financial help (or second hand furniture).

My posts were purely factual and not judgemental in any way.

RichGold

richardvc wrote: »

No I am not missing the underlying point.

merlin68 wrote: »

she's also talking about having no 6.

The underlying point is the absolutely irresponsible f3ckless way in which these people live their lives, not how you help them. They have to change they way they live, not have it changed for them. That's what you're missing, Rich my old fruit.

As an aside, doesn't it make you angry this woman is thinking of having another baby (as though 5 wasn't enough) safe in the knowledge that the state will pay for it? I find that thoroughly disgusting.

barbiedoll

It's got nothing to do with benefits or free money, if people are slobby, no amount of money will make them change.

My friend's aunt had a high-powered job in a bank. She always looked immaculate, her hair and make-up were perfect and she earned a good wage. She lived her own four-bedroomed house with her kids, upteen dogs, cats, hamsters, rabbits, a couple of tortoises and eventually, a couple of grandchildren too. The house was a complete pigtip, your feet stuck to the floor, the smell was overwhelming and the whole place was dark because the curtains and windows were so filthy. When her daughter had her first baby, my friend came round to me in a real state, saying that there were filthy formula bottles lying around everywhere and that she couldn't bear the thought of the baby living there. She used to have huge rows with her aunt about it and yet all of the kids would not hear a word said against their mum. The babies all thrived, none of the others ever had anything wrong with them, even the animals lived long and apparently healthy lives. Some people are just happy to live in their own filth, unless they want help or if OP feels that the health of the kids is compromised, then there isn't much you can do.

richardvc

RichGold wrote: »

The underlying point is the absolutely irresponsible f3ckless way in which these people live their lives, not how you help them. They have to change they way they live, not have it changed for them. That's what you're missing, Rich my old fruit.

As an aside, doesn't it make you angry this woman is thinking of having another baby (as though 5 wasn't enough) safe in the knowledge that the state will pay for it? I find that thoroughly disgusting.

If you noticed I haven't agreed or disagreed with you but that wasn't what the OP wanted. He didn't want our opinions about it BUT he did want guidance with regard how to help or not.

Whilst I have my opinions about these people that is of no consequence to the OP's needs !

Too many threads go off topic and end up in benefit bashing threads. I sincerely hope the OP can find the answer that he is looking for.

themull1

I think if its as bad as that, the family should be reported to social services.

RichGold

barbiedoll wrote: »

It's got nothing to do with benefits or free money

Cobblers.

Its got everything to do with the fact that they don't work and get everything paid for them. If these people had to pay their own way in life they wouldn't sit around all day contemplating having more children.

The whole issue for me is that fact they are effectively paid to do nothing.

Working instills self confidence and self worth, and with that no-one in their right mind would live in a pig sty, let alone consider bringing another child into one.

bigmomma051204

Hi there - only YOU can decide whether u think this family need help and support.... sounds a bit extreme but basically you need to think about the children and whether their basic needs are being met.

Something u might find useful (and of COURSE u arent a professional in this particular field, so i am not suggesting u storm in and go all guns blazing at the situation!!) is this http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_4079384.pdf

Its basically a public document but mainly used by social workers to assess a families needs.... scroll down and there is a section (it will say pg 23 but on your pdf reader itll be 29 i think) called Home Conditions. It may help u focus on whether u are being "picky" or whether actually this family needs some support from somewhere to get their home to a state which is suitable for children to live in. If there is mental health issues involved, it may well be a nightmare possibly to get these parents motivated enough to sort it out unfortunately