How to help someone.

merlin68

I went round a relatives the other day and the house was disgusting. they have 5 kids and 2 dogs. The garden was full of dog poo. The house was so bad the kids were all on the floor nowhere to eat anything or sit down. There was just carp everywhere.
They seem to eat takeaway every night.
What's the best way to offer help without her getting wound up.

scheming_gypsy

There's a chance you'll offend them if you offer to help. Wait till they give an indication that there's a problem and then offer.

I have two dogs as well and my garden will appear to be full of poo to some people. but i leave for work when it's dark and get home when it's dark so i can't always pick it up every day, and I'm not running round picking it up at 3am when spud head decides he wants to go out for a poop. At the weekend though I'll be out with a bin linered bucket, disposable gloves and a trowel scooping it all up....
So there's a chance they never clean up after them or you get them at a bad day.

You could offer to help dig a pond in the garden for the carp though

tea_lover

How close are you to this person? Would you be able to speak frankly to them or does it need to be a gentler approach? Are they the only adult in the house? How old are the children?

Sorry there's so many questions there! Just trying to get an idea of the best way to proceed.

merlin68

There's 5 kids uner 10, one kid disabled and both parents out of work.

Oldernotwiser

Before you offer help, bear in mind the enormous amount of income they will receive from benefits.

If you feel that the children are not being cared for, report the family to Social Services.

Lotus-eater

How are you going to help?

They don't need help, they need quarantining, as they are never going to change.

scheming_gypsy

merlin68 wrote: »

There's 5 kids uner 10, one kid disabled and both parents out of work.

don't offer to help then. if all or most of the kids are at school they've got enough time to sort it out on their own. If they can't be bothered to do it, why should anybody else?

Caroline_a

I used to have a neighbour who had similar care/cleanliness ideas. It was the sort of house you wiped your feet when you left, rather than when you went in!

However, the (2) kids grew up, went to uni, did really well and now have their own (beautifully kept) houses, and children

Just shows you, you can't always tell how they will turn out!!

BitterAndTwisted

Unless either or both parents are mentally ill or not coping well I don't think you need to do anything. Some people live the way they do because they think it's normal.

If they're short of decent furniture perhaps a shove in the direction of Freecycle or one of those British Heart Foundation shops could be of help. Or maybe acquire something and pretend it's surplus to your requirements or been offered by a work-colleague and would they like it?

Oldernotwiser

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Unless either or both parents are mentally ill or not coping well I don't think you need to do anything. Some people live the way they do because they think it's normal.

If they're short of decent furniture perhaps a shove in the direction of Freecycle or one of those British Heart Foundation shops could be of help. Or maybe acquire something and pretend it's surplus to your requirements or been offered by a work-colleague and would they like it?

If they don't have any furniture, it won't be because they're short of money though.

thunderbird

If they have takeaways every day for 7 people then they must have a fair amount of money!

Some people do just live in mess. Unless the children appear ill or very unhappy then I don't really think you need to intervene.