MOOLOO'S continuing saga Part 4

Savvy_sewing

Morning, its been a quiet weekend, we stayed at home. DGD played out in the snow, making snowmen etc. I joined her Saturday morning, and played silly beggers with her. Snow angels etc, and we had just come in from the garden after lunch when BF arrived. Duly bringing with him the wine, and later a packet of crisps emerged. (He had joked about wining and dining me earlier in the week, and said did Chardonnay and Crisps count). So it was really quite funny.
I sat sewing by hand infront of the TV for the last few evenings, keeps me busy. All seemed quiet from the family. Lets hope that this week things are less hectic or full on. I am waking up so tired at the moment.
Tomorrow is my MRI scan. Not looking forward to that, not becuase of the scan, thats not the problem its the driving to Oxford in the rush hour. Oh well.
Taking DGD to see her Mum today for a while as we didnt go to see her on Friday morning. I hope to pop and see my parents as I didnt get to see them last week at all. Time to call in.
This Friday is my Mums birthday, and next Friday my Dad is 80. The following week is my sisters birthday. So I need to think of something for presents for them all. (My sister lives in France so I need to sort out a card, and a gift that I can post soon.).
Time to get a move on, the morning is galloping away already.

Savvy_sewing

Sorry, been missing in action. Not on the laptop for a few days.
BREAKING NEWS.
We have a court date for the Guardianship of DGD. Finally. 13th March.
Valentines was a quiet night in with a chinese takeaway. BF bought me a lovely cushion with a hear sewn on the front in buttons, and a heart made out of wooden roses, that will go perfectly with the bits and bobs in my bedroom.
DGD has a headcold and a cough, so its been interrupted nights from her.She has a husky voice which sounds so funny from a 4 year old.
I had my MRI scan on Tuesday. I have to now wait for the results and an appointment with the consultant again. Seem to be always waiting for something or other!. Oh well, thats life.
Was rather low yesterday, and so the councilling session was a bit hard. We are signed up for a further 6 sessions. Which I think I need, although some days I feel I dont, then something comes up to bite me in the proverbial.
Not heard from DS since he went up to scotland. So he must be having a good time.
I finally managed to get rid of the waster that was hanging around the twins and stopping at twin2's house.! Mind you the language and the threats that he has come up with were choice, and actually just proved that I was right, and that he was not good for them in the long run, dispite his being a tidy person!. He was too manipulative of twins and he he was not happy with me for chucking him out. He had been asked to leave last Wednesday, and it was followed up with a letter on Monday. Twin2 was stopping with her sister, and didnt go back to the house until I was with her yesterday. It appears he left on Monday, and he left a cigarette butt on the matteress! which burnt a small hole, but by god were we not lucky that it hadnt taken alight?!!!! the whole place could have gone up in smoke. He also had turned the fridge off at the wall (Behind the fridge so it was deliberate), so all the food in the fridge and the freezer had to be thrown out. He also left all the heating on full blast, so that it ran her out of all of her gas and electricity.
Need I say more.
I had rang him on the phone asking where the key was, (being calm and polite, and listened to a torrent of hurt, and retribution threats etc for about 15 minutes. I know I could have just hung up, but I just let him get it out of his system. Then I said that I actually agree with some of the things he said, and that the mess would return etc, and that we have to let her live how she chooses etc. He did hurt me a bit by saying that I didnt look after my children properly, and I pointed out that it was not me who wanted them to leave home, it was them,, and that I was told by SS that I had to let them go as it was against there human rights for me to make them stay, and so, yes we have to let them dig thier holes etc and that maybe SS will actually pick up the pieces one day. etc etc. I know I didnt have to tell him anything, but felt that if I could disipate the situation and let him sound off at me, that he may not actually carry through his threats to return for his vengence. We will be changing the locks as a precaution, as he had taken the key with him. Although he had said that it was a mistake and that he would post it back. etc

Anyway it was a long and stressful day.
Today I cannot be bothered much. I am exhausted. So its battle down the hatches and stay close to home.

lingojingo

Don't have any useful advice for you, so sending big hugs your way (((((((((()))))))))))
I am, as always, amazed at how well you cope with everything life throws at you, no matter how down you get you always bounce back and move on.

Savvy_sewing

Well look at me, its nearly 4am again!. DGD woke me with her coughing and after dealing with her, I couldnt go back to sleep, so I came down stairs about an hour ago, to make a cup of tea, and to look for my old bankrupcy paperwork, as Nat West are trying to still chase me for an account from those days. Off to see them tomorrow. Cannot find the actual bankrupcy note, but I have several letters from the insolvency agency with the number of it on and will take those with me. I couldnt manage to deal with it on the phone as the details I gave didnt pass their security stuff. Needless to say I am not surprised as I had moved what, 6 times since. So we will just have to see what we can sort out. I am going tomorrow when DGD is with her Mum for a couple of hours. Respite. Yummy.
I have been carefully watching the bank accounts. My money is a bit scattered as some of the income has not been changed over for this and that reason, and I need to get it all sorted out and under one roof as soon as I can. (or two rooves, if I just keep the Independant living account seperate where it is). I am confussing myself with the spread of places. DGD's funds in one account, the ISA, and the old current accounts, now the new one and the Credit card!
So keeping a tab on it all is very important until the change over is sorted out, the first lot of DD's go out of the new account, and the first CC payment in full is taken, so I know the days that things will be going out of the bank. Then I can see what little bits and bobs need clearing up, and changing over, so that I can close the obsolete accounts.
Meanwhile life goes on. I had a very quite day at home, Molly came to see me, and then her daughter took DGD to the park for me in the afternoon so I could have a rest.
I had a stinking headache, left from the stress of the day before. Finally it is gone now though.
I hope that I will be able to get some sleep when I go up in a few minutes, and that DGD has a little lie in passed 7am.!
I have given myself a little list of jobs, broken down into bite size pieces, so to speak, as this week everything seems to have got on top of me a bit. The diary took a bashing in the evening after DGD had gone to bed, actually started it during the day, and wrote in little bits here and there and built it up to change my thoughts around by her bath time.
Its the only way I feel that I can cope with all of the lifes little hiccups that seem to come along all together. I realise that really its all silly little things that niggle and annoy, and fear that sets in, so once I manage to bash the diary, and post on here, I manage to get through things.
I dont always need an answer from people I just need to get it out there, off of my chest so to speak. Then I can deal with it better. What ever it may be.
I did have moments this week where I doubted my ability to carry on caring for DGD, as she was being a typical toddler with the tantrums etc, and the NO's at me, and even hitting me at one stage. I suppose the court case makes it seem a final decision and after so long it seemed a bit daunting. But of course after talking to the councillor and Molly I am back in perspective. Nothing is a constant is it, its a changing course, like a river, fluid, and it will meander along and it will change as we go through life.
I suppose I feared that by the time DGD was old enough to leave home, do her own thing etc etc, I would be passed it. Lost my prime so to speak. Which worries me.
Sometimes I feel a little resentment towards the family for burdening me with so much, and even to God for the endless negatives that he seems to have chucked into my life plan. But I suppose its the way that I deal with things, thats the way to look at it. What can seem daunting one day, can seem quite easy or normal the next.
I just wish sometimes that I was in a bit better place, with more support, and less stresses to ddrain me. I just wish that the girls were settled, loved and cared for. That the drama's were not all mine to deal with. Of course thats an ideal world that there will never be. I am on my own, 99% of it. I am a mother of 4, granny of 4, and I am the matriarch of the family. They do not have anyone else to turn too, as alas their Dad is not able, or will not help them much. Although at least he has started to offer help with DGD which I am ever greatful. (Although the disgruntled me, wishes that he would set a constant date, so I know what to plan). Hopefully in time that will come.
I so wanted 2012 to be an easier year on the family, on me. Not quite a great start, but they are all only the odd day here and there, and they are not every day. So I must count my blessings.
Back to the bite sizes and just cope with it all. One way or another I have no choice.
If I try and get my head back into the Positive mode, it is so much easier to deal with things, but its not always as easy as that is it? Getting positive when you feel so negative is not an easy goal. Looking for the small things in life, the things that make a little difference, the snowddrops are out, the sun shone during the day. DGD played for half an hour in her bedroom while Molly and I talked. Molly coming around to listen to my grievences and woes when she has plenty of her own.
Her daughter taking DGD to the park for me. Taking the pressure off of me.
The fact that my sciatica has been eased of late and walking is less painful. The fact that my Mum is 77 today and doing well. Happy Birthday Mum.! Next Friday Dad is 80! he seems to be recovering from his skin cancer problems quite well, and is as jovial as ever. Bit doddery of late, but a marvellous chap who still walks for a few miles when the sun is shining, to try and keep fit. Who has been an inspiration and a wonderful Dad, grandad and great grandad who loves all the babies and looks at each in wonder, and has a soft spot for all it seems. So there, see there are lots to be greatful for.

carpedieme

Another one who cant sleep mooloo!! I like your idea of bite sized chunks and looking for small positives everyday, I think it proves to be very helpful, I always think that there's always someone worse of than ourselves, can be an enpowering thought on a difficult day, all the best and keep up the good workxxx

Eager_Elephant

If Natwest won't take your word for your bankruptcy get them to check London Gazette website as you can search all bankruptcies going back to the 80's!!!

I think they will already know you are bankrupt but are trying it on - in actual fact the cases I deal with at work where debts rear their head again after bankruptcy years ago are all to do with Natwest?!?!?!

Hope it goes ok today.

Savvy_sewing

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

If Natwest won't take your word for your bankruptcy get them to check London Gazette website as you can search all bankruptcies going back to the 80's!!!

I think they will already know you are bankrupt but are trying it on - in actual fact the cases I deal with at work where debts rear their head again after bankruptcy years ago are all to do with Natwest?!?!?!

Hope it goes ok today.

Thanks EE.
I think that its rather frustrating, and I feel guilty for my estranged Husband, as he is paying it off each month, at around £220 a month and he is only a dustman. I only just found this out. Of course as the accounts etc were in joint names he is still liable for my debts I believe, but I am not sure how it works, when we were already seperated and I was just using the account myself. Probably not a lot of use at all.
I will need to have a lottery win to pay him back!
We never did get a divorce. I suppose that its something we will have to talk about now.
My BF doesnt know I am going today, and probably isnt aware that I have spoken to my Ex as he had originally way back way, got agitated on any contact between us, and so its been rather spasmodic. Usually when there is a problem with the cat I get a call, or when his Dad went into hospital. But nothing much really, so I just dont bother mentioning it. Cant be bothered with the arguements, or the silences etc.
I didnt manage much sleep, about an hour and a bit afterwards thats all. So I will be exhausted later. Wish I had an off switch for my brain at nights.
Time for my shower I am running late already now.

Savvy_sewing

EE thanks I just found it straight away, so have noted it all down, and they can easily see it themselves. Not that it will help the other half though I doubt. But its a start to find out and see if there was a PPI on it he may be able to claim etc, who knows if you dont try.

silvercar

Mooloo wrote: »

Thanks EE.
I think that its rather frustrating, and I feel guilty for my estranged Husband, as he is paying it off each month, at around £220 a month and he is only a dustman. I only just found this out. Of course as the accounts etc were in joint names he is still liable for my debts I believe, but I am not sure how it works, when we were already seperated and I was just using the account myself. Probably not a lot of use at all.
I will need to have a lottery win to pay him back!
We never did get a divorce. I suppose that its something we will have to talk about now.
My BF doesnt know I am going today, and probably isnt aware that I have spoken to my Ex as he had originally way back way, got agitated on any contact between us, and so its been rather spasmodic. Usually when there is a problem with the cat I get a call, or when his Dad went into hospital. But nothing much really, so I just dont bother mentioning it. Cant be bothered with the arguements, or the silences etc.
I didnt manage much sleep, about an hour and a bit afterwards thats all. So I will be exhausted later. Wish I had an off switch for my brain at nights.
Time for my shower I am running late already now.

In bankruptcy any joint debts become the sole responsibility of the non-bankrupt. Debts are only joint if you applied together, normally credit cards are in one name with another as an additional card holder, the additional card holder is not connected to the account.

So any joint loans would fall to your ex, any credit cards would have been his or yours not both.

Mortgages and secured loans are more complicated, but I don't know if you bought together.

His credit rating would also be damaged if he had a financial link to a bankrupt.

If your marriage is over, you should finalise your divorce, without it he is your next of kin, that has financial, medical and social implications.

whiteguineapig

i would get the locks changed even if he sends the key back

he may have kept the key to get it copied