New mum....failing :(

mummyoftwomonkeys

You have already had lots of lovely replies but I just wanted to add please don't feel down about your little one not being able to b.f my 1st son didn't take to it and I felt like I had let him down but that feeling goes. We are all told about how much better it is to breast feed but they never tell us that sometimes they just don't take to it. He was born on time but was a very sleepy baby.

tsstss7

I haven't read all the other posts because its late but as your case is similar to what happened to me I just wanted to sat that the most important thing you can do (for breastfeeding and for looking after your LO) is to look after yourself first. That means get as much sleep as you can (baby lets you), get lots of good food and stay well hydrated.

Both my ds2 and dd had poor sucking refexes when born and I struggled to get them to feed - however they both did learn eventually even though I stopped putting them to the breast at every feed due to the amount of time it took to do everything. With ds2 I used to do alternate feeds (as he was formular topped up ) but with dd as i was expressing (got an electric pump - made ALL the difference) I was only putting her on the breast in the evening before bedtime or whilst in the bath. One night she just started to feed and I gave up expressing a day later lol.

Some babies never get the hang of it though so all you can do is your best, some breast milk is better than none so if you can express at a rate you can cope with that is better than making yourself ill trying to get it all done.

Please pm me if you need any advice - I've spent lots of time on the internet researching breastfeeding as well as had loads of advice from coucillors so I feel quite the expert these days lol.

patchwork_cat

If you believed that breastfeeding was going to be easy guaranteed then you know now that you were naive!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think you are told that it's easy because they aren't allowed to promote bottle feeding anymore - they don't want to be accused of doing Nestle's advertising for them.

My the time I had DD2, I certainly knew more about practical BF than the staff around me, as shown by my argument at 2am when told I mustn't hold my baby in that strange way to feed. I did the tucked under the arm on a pillow one, as that had worked better for DD1 and me following my Caesarian. I know I had a VBAC, so didn't need to do it, but the position worked better for the first feeds and I wasn't intending to spend days of searing pain as DD2 latched on like I did with DD1 before I found something that suited. Oh, and I found that shrugging my shoulders was the only thing that got the reflex going. Breast pumps? No use to me. Expressing? More tiring, time consuming and messy than just feeding her.


But anyhow, it's not easy. Some people just by a fluke have breasts exactly the right size and shape for the baby that latching on is instant and the milk comes in immediately. The rest of us are human; sometimes we are able to learn and it works for us both, sometimes it's just too much. That's why there were wetnurses before formula, after all; because people couldn't or didn't want to BF.


Keep on being gentle on yourself.

CATS

OP, what do you mean by this?

"I feel such a failure for not being able to provide the most basic thing for my poor baby who will now be disadvantaged due to my inadequecies."

If you mean physically, I stopped breastfeeding my son after 1 month as we both hated it, I hated breastfeeding, he hated being breastfed he has no disadvantages at all. He is smart, strong (does competitive swimming, rugby) he is healthy, never got ill as a baby, toddler etc. Don't feel like a failure, go with the flow, let it happen if it does, if not it's not the end of the world, he will be fine. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. We have excellent breatfeeding replacements which will give him what he needs. Instead of forcing the issue and crying, I would spend my time staring at his beautiful face and smilling and thanking the heavens you have him safe. I still do that to my son now and he just thinks am weird

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

CATS wrote: »

I still do that to my son now and he just thinks am weird

If he's in his late 30s, he probably has a point

CATS

Funny Jojo the Tightfisted
I would think so too, luckily he is only 12. Although I cant promise I wont do it when he is 30

jpwhittle

i know exactly how you feel, i was so desperate to do the "right thing" and breast feed my babies, i didnt even buy powdered milk in as i never contemplated it. Then along came baby number 1, he fed once in the hospital, wich the nurses had to get him on, and that was it. then we got home and i still couldnt get him on, i was so desperate i had to send my husband out for formula to feed him. I kept trying but he just wouldnt latch on. I ended up with PND and felt so bad about not feeding him myself, i did express but found that hard then the pump broke. In the end i gave up and bottle fed, And guess what? he wouldnt even latch onto the bottle, it was so hard to get him to feed from anything but a spoon. Then baby number 2, she would latch on but i was so ill after they left my placenta behind, that she was losing weight and it was between formula or hospitalising her.
I went for formula and if by some miracle i ever have another child i think i would bottle feed straight away.
Sometimes breast is not always best hun. I know some wouldnt agree but to me it isnt. If baby needs formula or your tired and not right, then i am a firm believer in formula occasionally being the best thing, and in your case it seem formula was. I beat myself up so bad for it hun but really i didnt need to.
You need some sleep, let your husband feed the baby while you get some rest. You will be doing best by your little man by giving him the food thats best for him and by making sure your not to tired. Like someone once said to me, the right thing for your baby is not always what the textbooks say. IM sure your doing a great job with baby and are a great mum.

dizziblonde

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I think you are told that it's easy because they aren't allowed to promote bottle feeding anymore - they don't want to be accused of doing Nestle's advertising for them.

It's worse than that - in my maternity notes (catch you early huh) there's a page on the pros of breastfeeding, and another entire page on the negatives of bottle feeding - and some of it is pretty sensationalist scare-mongering stuff that actually makes me fairly angry every time I read it - no balance, no acceptance that some people can't breast feed or really struggle with it, and some babies really struggle to thrive when mum's struggling on through it all - just grrrrrrrr.

I've got no issues with the "breast is best" campaign - but the utterly unbalanced negativity surrounding formula (if you read this stuff you'd think it was powdered crack cocaine it's that over the top) just serves to make you feel like utter utter garbage if you've got uncooperative knockers or a little one that's not able to do it.

I don't have formula bought for the bump (may buy a couple of the ready made cartons as an emergency contingency supply) - but I do have bottles and a steriliser lined up - I PLAN to breastfeed - purely because making bottles up is a faff and I'd like to avoid it - but if I can't, I can't and no one is going to give me aggro about it or they'll get slapped in the face with a soggy breast pad... or worse!

meritaten

dizziblonde wrote: »

It's worse than that - in my maternity notes (catch you early huh) there's a page on the pros of breastfeeding, and another entire page on the negatives of bottle feeding - and some of it is pretty sensationalist scare-mongering stuff that actually makes me fairly angry every time I read it - no balance, no acceptance that some people can't breast feed or really struggle with it, and some babies really struggle to thrive when mum's struggling on through it all - just grrrrrrrr.

I've got no issues with the "breast is best" campaign - but the utterly unbalanced negativity surrounding formula (if you read this stuff you'd think it was powdered crack cocaine it's that over the top) just serves to make you feel like utter utter garbage if you've got uncooperative knockers or a little one that's not able to do it.

I don't have formula bought for the bump (may buy a couple of the ready made cartons as an emergency contingency supply) - but I do have bottles and a steriliser lined up - I PLAN to breastfeed - purely because making bottles up is a faff and I'd like to avoid it - but if I can't, I can't and no one is going to give me aggro about it or they'll get slapped in the face with a soggy breast pad... or worse!

an excellent thing to do hun - even if breastfeeding is a breeze for you! hasnt anyone told you that sometimes bf (and bottlefed) babies get thirsty? my first baby went through a phase of crying after being fed and I tried EVERYTHING to appease her - then I rang mum who said 'perhaps she is thirsty? give her some boiled cooled water and see if that settles her'! bingo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to give her some off a plastic spoon but it certainly did the trick! I often use to offer her plain water between feeds - sometimes she was thirsty sometimes she wasnt - but I learned a valuable lesson there!